Dormiens
It was cold that day. I remember it well; as I sat outside thinking of a way out of my mess. Yet again I came to the single conclusion that I couldn't. I couldn't fix anything. There was no way to change my life, anything, or anybody in it.
The solution for all cowards is the same. I was a coward. I wanted the easy way out. So, I pulled the shiny razor blade from my pant's pocket. As I looked at my left arm all I could see were scars. Scars of my frustration. My hurt.
I'd begun cutting when I was about 12. I had a morbid fascination with my own blood. I laughed a humorless laugh, the laugh of one who has been through hell and back and is just ready to give in. I was ready. Behind me my house glowed with an iridescent light that was as beautiful as Dawn's first rays.
The light of flames engulfing my family. Engulfing my memories and all that had caused me pain. Again I laughed this time with humor. I found it amusing; how fragile a human's life really is .How easily it can end and be destroyed. How one person with an idea can end something that supposedly meant so much to so many.
I reluctantly pulled myself out of my musings and played with the blade a while. I decided that it was as good a time as any. 'Well this is it.' I thought to myself. And with that I took the blade and slashed my left wrist. Almost immediately the blood began to spill out in dark crimson rivulets. Then I placed the blade at my right wrist, the blood dripping from my left hand making it slippery and difficult to hold. I put pressure on the blade and brought it to slash diagonally across my veins.
After it's work was done I let the blade drop to the grass. That blade in a way had been my best friend and had finally come to accomplish it's greatest purpose. I could feel the life seeping out of me. It was a rush. A once in a lifetime experience. The blood pumping through my arms and finding release through my freshly made wounds. It was liberating. It felt almost sinful to enjoy something this much.
I saw my blood staining my white shirt that I'd made sure to wear just for this occasion. When they found my dead body they'd see that the blood from my own body had dyed my shirt crimson. My head began to spin. Little white dots filled my vision and I could barely distinguish anything around me. Then everything around me fell away and all was black. I was left alone. Now I'm alone and cold in an eternally dark place. I have nowhere to run and have nothing to do. I'm home.