Title: How Will I Know
Author: tikielf
Summary: So what drove Mercedes to sing 'How Will I Know' in Dancing With Somebody? One-shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of it's characters. The song belongs to Whitney Houston.
There's a boy I know
He's the one I dreamed of
Looks into my eyes
Takes me to the clouds above.
Mercedes Jones stared desperately at the framed picture in her hand. She was feeling lost in her varying degrees of emotions and her once source of guidance were now in her hands, looking back kindly as if imploring for the details of her confusion. No one knows more about broken hearts than Whitney Houston. And Mercedes heart felt wish was to find some solace in one of her songs. To sing the words to express the niggling doubts and uncertainties that rages inside her heart.
And not five minutes before, the source of her problems came barrelling down the hallway, cornering her at the locker which is not hers' to begin with.
If it was possible, Sam Evans looked twice as bad as she felt. His dirty blonde hair was dishevelled from having anxious hands running through it too many times. The buttons of his shirt was mismatched, his posture exudes tiredness but his green eyes looked resolute. Mercedes felt like a deer caught in a headlight.
After that kiss in the classroom, she had been going out of her ways to avoid him. Kurt refused to be her human shield any more, but relented to her using his locker, knowing that Sam was staking out hers'. She made sure to be the last one in and the first one out, for every glee club meeting. And had even managed to convinced Artie to keep her posted on Sam's whereabouts since the two of them had most classes together.
Mercedes plan had worked for about a week. But now, as she rearranged the Whitney Houston tribute that her and Kurt had set-up, it seemed like the cats are out of the bag.
"Why are you avoiding me again? I thought we're past this."
He was looking desperately at her, his voice soft but tinged with the hurt that she had apparently caused.
Something inside of her ached. Her throat choked. She couldn't find the words to voice all of the feelings that was storming inside of her. So all she could do was to look away guiltily.
She heard him sigh.
"Mercedes..." he begged.
I lose control
Can't seem to get enough
When I wake from dreaming
Tell me is it really love.
She took a shuddering breath in. Her name on his lips had always made her knees weak, but it was the way he was saying it that threatens her tears to resurface. She felt like she was trapped in the knots and tangles of her frayed emotions – not being able to make sense of the overwhelming confusion and doubt that was eating her inside out. And now, she also have to bear the guilt for hurting this boy's feelings even more, simply because she couldn't face up to the blinding truth that was right in front of her. A simple truth that she was not ready to fully acknowledge yet.
She felt a tug on her fingers, and looked down to see a larger hand clasping her own, engulfing it in its warmth.
"Mercy... please..."
His whispered plea finally forced her eyes to meet his, and it was all she could do to try to tell him all the unspoken words that she could not say. The familiarity of this stance – of them looking in each others eyes – echoed of a time where it was used to confirm the affectionate words they habitually exchanged. Now, she is using it to find some understanding on his part, to give her the time she needed to search her feelings so that she can finally live with it in peace.
How will I know
(Don't trust your feelings)
How will I know
(Love can be deceiving)
How will I know.
A breath passed in silence. His eyes softens to a timid determination, and his lips thinned to a quiet resignation. She felt her hand being gently squeezed in his. So she dropped her gaze to it again, studying the way their hands fits perfectly together - as if they were moulded especially for the other. And she vaguely wandered if this will be the same hand that will constantly hold hers through the ups-and-downs of her future.
"I'm not going anywhere."
His sure words surprised her out of her train of thoughts, and she looked up to see that he had pulled himself closer into her personal space – his head dipped slightly to meet her eyes and his other hand moved to cusp her chin. A small smile was forming at the corner of his mouth, utterly betraying his confidence.
"You can't get rid of me that easily."
Her heart swelled in her chest like a balloon that is about to burst. She felt like she could barely contain that overpowering feeling of love that she has for this boy. Everything in her body was screaming at her to hold him steadfast to her side. To never let him go.
But past experiences have made her wary. He was her first true heart break, and she was unsure if she was willing to take that risk again – to let herself love him so unconditionally, without prejudice or fear. And yet, ever since he came back into her life, he has proven time and time again that he will not be easily deterred. And it is this knowledge that comforts her in her moments of doubt.
She nodded, taking in his words and letting it engulf her in its warmness. She squeezed his hand in return, and offered a smile. It was all she could give him at the moment – a silent surety that he still have her heart. He had never lost it to begin with.
How will I know if he really loves me?
I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you 'cause you know about these thing.
How will I know if he's thinking of me?
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong
Why do I feel weak.