Summary: the Morning after musings of Ichigo Kurosaki in the early morning. This small woman is mine. Even just for a few hours in the dead of night. Even if it's only in the shadows where secrets thrive and sins are alive. She is mine. Even if there's no one to hear me say it, she is mine.
Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me. I just love it.
Hope you enjoy it and tell me what you think. Thank you.
Sometimes I wake up to the reality that this is never going to last. No, not like this. To be more precise, I won't last like this.
As I turn my head to face her - watch her still closed eyes - I am amazed at how we ended up this way. Rays of sunlight escape from the blinds, the sun I just about to rise and is highlighting her silhouette. A small halo forming on her head of dark raven hair. She's never really gentle when she's awake; which brings a smile to my face. Always yelling, screaming, and nagging me but that's alright. I can take the beating because that means I'm on her mind (even though I'll never tell her that). She stirs just a little bit when I comb my fingers through a few stray strands of her hair.
As much as I love her deep violet eyes, I don't want this to end. When she wakes up, everything will go back to "what it should be" as she calls it. A lie that is what this will go back to. I don't want to continue on this mundane existence when I know where I should be. It's ridiculous when I really think about it. Where I belong is in the afterlife. My life's purpose is served when I'm dead. Seventeen and all I can think about is death.
I know I'll never hear the end of it from her if I get into an "accident" and die. Then, she'll go on and on and on about wanting me to have a full life. When will she learn, it's in the moments we have together - whether it's fighting hollows, 3rd period algebra, or crazy Kurosaki family style dinner - that I am living a full life; as long as we're together. But she always wants to do the right thing.
She'll never stop blaming herself for any of the shit in my life since we met. This will just add to the burden she puts on herself. I never blamed her for all the fighting I had to do. In fact, I don't think I will ever thank her enough for giving me the power to protect and for making me the man I am today. The cuts and the bruises will never compare to the satisfaction of knowing you've kept your family safe.
Before I know it, insanely huge violet eyes are already watching me. Getting out of my musings just long enough to notice her.
"Morning sleepy head. I thought you'd never wake up." I say.
"And good morning to you too, Ichi-berry." and so the normal banter ensues. We never really were like a normal couple. None of that lovey dovey stuff they show on TV. We just have this deep deep very deep understanding of one another.
"I wish you wouldn't do that." I say as she gets up, already picking up her clothes scattered around the floor. "...not so soon," I add.
"Well, if I don't your sisters will wake up to my empty and a lot of questions we can't answer will follow; which will reach your dad and more questions from him not to mention what he'll blab to Urahara. Then, to whomever the hell keeps tabs on you or me from Soul Society. We've talked about this."
I welcome the silence that follows her little monologue. I don't dare answer for fear that this will just escalate to a full blown argument. Yes, there has been talk but not much of the 'we' part.
"You know, Ichigo, this is getting repetitive. You already know why we can't be with each other publicly. Shinigami and human relationships are forbidden. Who knows what they'll think of doing this time when they find out."
Yes, I know. And it still breaks my heart every damn time. Don't you know how badly I want to shout it out to the world that I love you - that you're mine just as much as I am yours. Who the hell cares if you're already dead and I'm not. I think I've saved enough pompous asses from soul society enough times to merit some sort of freedom to be with you. This is probably the only battle I haven't won - not with all my powers and all my past victories – and you make me feel like I'm never going to succeed. Don't you trust me, trust us to keep fighting.
But not a sound leaves my lips.
"I don't want a fight so early in the morning after such a wonderful night." She pauses a little bit to look at me, and continues, "yes, it was magical but don't let it get to your head 'cause I'm never going to say it again." She emphasizes by pointing a finger at me.
"Well, it already is going to my 'head'." I say suggestively.
She just throws my pants at me and adds "pervert." But I can hear rush of blood to her cheeks to form that slight blush. It's a good distraction to avoid the argument we would have had.
When I pull the garment of my face, I see she's already done getting dressed. She's wearing the white spaghetti strapped nightie - with Chappy designs of course - she had on last night. She stops by the small mirror to check for any visible marks that would need hiding and to mess up her hair just enough to get rid of that morning after look but still messy to pass for a just got out of bed look.
She already has her hand on the door when I say, "I'll wait then. 'Til you're ready to let me fight for you."
I can only hope that's enough for her because for me waiting has never been one of my strong points.
This small woman is mine. Even just for a few hours in the dead of night. Even if it's only in the shadows where secrets thrive and sins are alive. She is mine. Even if there's no one to hear me say it, she is mine. For now, I will just have to suck it up and wait for the day I can shout it out to the whole three dimensions.