I'm completely re-doing this as it was my first fanfiction, and I really didn't like it as it was. Now it's utterly stupid, but at least it's meant to be this time!
19 years after Harry Potter defeats the dark lord, three families run straight through a wall and onto platform 9 and ¾. One of these is the family formerly known for their rabbit-like breeding and bright red hair.
"Go run along, Merlin and Muriel," Ron says proudly, "You don't want to miss the train."
After saying farewell, Lavender Weasley sobs hysterically (as was the style), "I can't believe our little Muriel is finally heading off to school. I remember when I was on that train for the first time. That's when I met Parvati Patil." Ron groans, recalling countless Christmas dinners where his wife and her best friend drove him nearly to insanity.
"That's where I met Harry," moans Ron in a rather pathetic display of anguish. "And also where he died. How could she?" As Ron collapses on the ground in one of his not-so-uncommon-and-quite-often-rather-comical fits of grief, Lavender, the ever faithful wife, rushes to comfort him.
"None of us expected that from her. We thought Ginny loved him too. Although why anyone ever thought they'd make a good couple just because Ginny used to stalk him, I'll never know." Out of the corner of her eye, Lavender can make out Dean and Ginny, leading young B. Astard onto the train.
It was 10 years ago, but to Ron it feels like it was just yesterday. Harry and Ginny, happily married after a night of too much fire whiskey, had come to the Hogwarts Express to introduce their friends to the newborn B. Astard, as well as to show off their 3-year old A. Dultery. As Harry was talking to Ron, he noticed that Ginny had left his side, although he probably should have noticed something amiss before, for example when she went out every night with Luna (who'd want to hang out with that weirdo?).
He found her with Dean. They were passionately embracing, as PDA was their thing. Ginny had admitted to cheating on him with Dean for the past 5 years, and that B. Astard was Deans. Harry couldn't take the shame of being cheated on by a redhead, and Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, died on the Spot.
As Ron pulls himself together, he is unfortunate enough to spot another family: the Krums. This, of course, drives him to hysterics. Soon after Voldemort was killed, Hermione received a letter from Victor, declaring his undying love for the bookworm with no apparent appeal to an international Quidditch star. That night she ditched Ron and flew away with Krum on his broomstick, in a very romantic fashion. As they walked by, Ron was annoyed to see that they now have 15 children, all of whom looked athletic like their father and smart like their mother.
"Hello, Ronald." Hermione smirked coldly, "nice to see you and Lavender still together after all this time." Ron, so taken away by her model-like beauty that somehow grew out of the frizzy-haired buck-toothed nerd, promptly demonstrates some incredible magical ability never taught at hogwarts that turns the Krums into slugs.
Lavender looks around, hoping no one sees them. She has to get through the day with some of her dignity left, and it's already hard to manage that while being married to Ron, the clear dud of the golden trio.
"Oh dear," sniffled Hermione, after quickly being turned back to her normal shape, "I didn't mean for this to end like that! Oh god I feel awful." Because who wouldn't feel awful for becoming attractive, then running away with a famous athlete, leaving behind a useless old ex. Oh wait...
Yep. That really is it. Review? If you have any flaming you want to do, this is the place!