AN: I combined two of my stories together, I hope you like it.
Hope, he didn't want to admit it to anyone, least himself. Didn't want to admit, that he tries to sleep as long as possible, clinging to her pillow for dear life. When he's asleep it doesn't hurt so bad, in his dreams she doesn't walk away from him, when he rolls over in sleep her pillow has her scent on it making it feel like she's there, he tries not to realize that the scent is slowly fading. When he's awake a bottle is attached permanently to his hand in hopes that he'll forget her, so he will be able to breathe without his heart breaking. So he sleeps, because dreams are a lot better than reality. But when he awakes and sees that her side of the bed is empty and that their dresser is bare of her things, it kills him just a little bit more. He clings to the hope that she will come back, because hope, even false hope is all he has.
He doesn't know what he would do if she did decide to come home though, doesn't even know if he wants her there, but he does, no matter how much he denies it. He wants just to hold her one last time, to see if maybe, just maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad, if she walked out of his life, when he wasn't angry. But he knows that it will still hurt like hell, he's just being selfish, wanting to hold her a little longer, before letting her go for good. He knows she wont come back now, so he clings desperately to her pillow, breathing in the faded scent of her, and he lets her go. He stops drinking all the time when he's awake, and he has stopped trying to sleep as long as possible. He doesn't need to anymore, she's home.