Ally's got the piece of paper in her hands and she's shaking. Her mother is beside her on the driver's side, trembling finger tips clutching the wheel and she can think of nothing to say other than, "It'll only make it worse when you stare at it." But there's a reason why her mother hasn't stopped thinking about, why tears haven't stopped falling.
Ally replies with a simple: "I'm processing" and her mother keeps driving because there are no more words that could be swapped to make this situation okay. Ally turned eighteen yesterday and she never wanted to turn eighteen again. Eighteen was a curse. Eighteen was a tragedy.
Her mother stops by the ice cream parlor because just maybe they could lick away their worries and swallow the taste of bubble gum and fruity mint swirl, 'Cause ice cream is supposed to fix everything, right? At least that's what Ally was told as a child. She has just learned that it does not apply to real life.
She doesn't let go of that piece of paper, not even when her ice cream drips onto it and circles around the word that makes her feel sick to stomach. Ally can hardly breathe right now but she's still got a role to play, she's still got a life to live.
For a moment of time anyway. No, Ally can't think that way...This is just a bump in the road! Just a small bump that has flipped her over onto her backside and restrained her from ever wanting to get back up because this was not the way life was supposed to turn out.
But it's a turn up, isn't it?
. . . .
"Ally, you wanted to talk to us?" her blonde friend strolls in, followed by a red-head and a Latina, her friends who all have smiles on their faces and it's a kick to the stomach because she's the one to wipe those grins from their faces. She's tearing away all of their happiness.
"Yes," is all she replies with a thick swallow from the lump in her throat. She studies their faces for a moment, because she wants to take a mental picture of what her friends looked like before they will be thrown into water and left to drown.
"Alright, but we have to be quick. I have a job interview soon," Trish urges. Ally's lips don't even have the strength to force a smile. She'd been doing it all week and now this wasn't something to hide. Ally couldn't go on forever faking that everything was okay, but it wasn't. She wasn't okay. She was far from it.
Trish is sorry when Ally shares the news: "I'm sorry that my white blood cells have failed at doing their job properly; it's Cancer." Because they all told Ally she just needed medicine or perhaps some sleep and she wished that were the case, because if sleep could cure Cancer, she'd sleep forever until it was over.
The Practice Room is silenced by the news. Trish forgets about her interview, hell, who cares about that damn interview? Trish doesn't. Austin can't breathe because he was supposed to tell her he loved her this afternoon and now he's too afraid to even let himself love her. Dez doesn't know what to say. This was not supposed to happen. Not to his friend, especially not Ally. She was innocent and sweet, she did everything for anyone and never complained. She was just so great. Why was life throwing this curve ball at her?
Three pairs of arms circle around her, holding her body tightly because maybe all the hugs in the world could cure Cancer, too. But when they pull away and she tells them that she's due for surgery in a week, they know hugs do not cure Cancer.
. . . . .
A week later, Ally is accompanied by her friends while her parents absorb information from the doctor outside of the hospital recovery room. Ally uses weak and shaky hands to show Austin a napkin. Her voice is croaky when she tells him that she's written a song.
He feels horrible, "Ally, you don't need to write songs right now. Just...Just get better, okay?" and he hopes his voice didn't shake but when he sees her eyes fill with concern, he knows it did. Ally shakes her head and admits that she was so nervous before the surgery so she wrote this song on a napkin before she went in. Austin takes it because Ally wanted him to.
Dez gives her water to cure the dryness of her throat and Trish hums tunes of Ally's favourite songs until she's fallen asleep with Austin's head resting by her waist and her fingers knotted through his hair from when she'd been combing her fingers through it in an effort to relax him. Maybe she is the one to have surgery, but Austin was more scared than she was. Austin was dauntless, nothing life threw at him would cause him fear, but this time it was different. Fear became his friend.
Austin can't lose her though, she's his everything. His friend, his songwriter, his lab partner, his other half, his love, his home, his life, his future. They had so much to do together, she couldn't leave, she couldn't be this sick. Austin wrote on the back of his hand that he would wake up soon because he was not losing Ally, this was just his biggest nightmare. He was going to wake up soon. How long until then?
. . . . . . . .
A couple weeks pass and Austin is in the middle of telling Ally about his day at school when he glances over and her eyes are closed. He stops talking and presses his lips together and smiles at her features. He doesn't care that she's got dark circles under her eyes or that her lips are dry. He leans over and presses gentle lips onto her forehead before he moves aside and lays beside her.
He watches her sleep and counts each time her chest rises and falls and he just hopes to God that he'd never have to see that stop. He thinks he's about to vomit so he decides to focus on the TV inside her room that is playing Stuart Little. He hadn't watched it since he was about eleven and he remembered how empty life was before Ally and he imagined just how empty it would be if there was ever an after Ally. His throat clogged with another lump.
He decides to watch her face because being able to see her breathe is the only thing that calms his racing heart. Ally's mother walks into the room and tells Austin that she has dinner on the table for him if he wanted to stay. He realizes that it's been over two hours, but when he was with Ally, it was always like no time had passed at all.
"I'm not hungry," he says softly, looking away from her mother and staring at Ally.
"She thinks the world of you," Penny mentions and Austin is angry that she's treating the situation as if Ally is dying but he doesn't reply. He nods his head and lets her know that he thinks the world of Ally, too, because Ally is his world.
. . . . . . ..
Two months go by and the school has decided to create a dance for Ally but she's crying in the bathroom. Austin is sitting down by the wall, the Ladies Restroom door just next to him and he can hear her crying from where he's sat.
He was seconds away from telling her that he loved her and that he wasn't afraid to fall when she'd run into the bathroom. He'd seen the tears before they'd even started falling and he followed her until she went into the one room where he couldn't get to her. He waits for her. He wasn't going to leave because if she left, he would be pleased that it would have been Ally Dawson who left him with a broken heart and not a girl who was probably only there to help him on the night's when he was lonely.
Ally's eyes are red and watery when she leaves the bathroom. She glances down and is surprised when she sees Austin Moon sitting on the floor, looking back up at her with worried eyes. He jumps up and holds her tightly because he knows what's wrong. She wraps her arms around his neck but doesn't cry when her face is stuffed into his shoulder. She's tired of crying.
"I'm starting it next month," she whimpers softly, so his ears are the only ones that can hear her. He nods, knowing what she means: Chemotherapy. "It's going to take my hair, Austin. Who's going to take me to Prom when my hair will be falling out?"
"Me," he finally says and he pulls away because he wants to see the look on her face.
She sighs, "No, I mean, who actually wants to take me and not because they feel bad?"
He stares at her more intensely, "I said me," he repeats and she looks up and stares at his eyes. They're not lying and she sees the burning passion in them. "Because I love you."
. . . . . . . .
Drip. Drip. It's the IV and the dose of chemo that is running from the bag into her arm by the needle that is poking into her veins painlessly. She's watching it and the nurse teases her, making her smile. Austin watches her and doesn't take his eyes away.
Ally's mother is telling Trish to stop worrying because Trish is biting her nails so loud the patients at the end of the hall can hear. Dez is doing a wonderful job at making the air in the room light and less polluted with sadness and worry.
The doctor tells Ally what to expect after her first treatment and she's scared. Hair loss, throat and mouth sores, tingly fingers, the shivers and shakes, headaches, muscle pain, fatigue, nausea with vomiting and she knows that it'll be a rough while.
Austin leans forward, kisses her cheek, and whispers in her ear that everything will be okay. Ally's having trouble believing it but she smiles at Austin and squeezes his hand in response. Trish sits down next to her on the bed and decides that she's going to read Ally the latest article about Katy Perry.
. . . . . . .
Austin is so scared because Ally is shaky and she's burning up with a 102 degree fever. He's wrapped her up in coats and blankets but she's still shivering. Ally's father is driving as fast as he can, but Ally weakly tells them that she's okay, it's just a silly fever. Austin knows she underestimates that things can go bad in a hurry, especially for a Cancer patient. He strokes her face, her head is in his lap.
"How long do you think we'll wait in the ER?" she asks Austin, yawning.
"Not long," he replies honestly, staring down at her. He wanted her to be better already. This was the fourth time in the last three months that she's been thrown into the hospital with a fever. That was nearly one every month, as for this month that was two fevers.
They've got her in a hospital room while they run tests. Ally is uncomfortable on the bed because she's starting to lose weight now. Austin doesn't like it; she was already skinny enough before the Cancer and now she's losing more and more within each hospital trip. Austin recalled seeing a little bit of her bones through her flesh when she was changing into his sweatshirt before they'd gotten her into the car.
The nurses had told her that she needs to get into a gown but she argues that she likes wearing Austin's sweatshirt so he kisses her and tells her to get into the gown. The nurses promise that she can change back as soon as tests are finished. She nods but by the time the tests are done, she's sound asleep with Austin stroking her hair.
Lester, her father, tells Austin to watch over her while he goes home to get some things for her because, once again, they'll be practically living in this hospital. Austin only removes his eyes to text Dez and Trish about her state and adds that maybe they should skip school tomorrow to see her because her parents will need to work. He then sends the text and focuses his eyes in on her. She's snoring lightly and he laughs until his laughs turn into soft whimpers and he's got a tear rolling down his cheek because he just needs her to get better.
Her strokes her hair that has still remained to stay intact with her scalp but as he brushes his fingers down, a few strands fall out. He sighs softly and doesn't want to see the look on her face when she realizes that she'll need to wear hats, bandanas and wigs for the next little while.
At least she lasted until after Prom like she'd wanted to.
. . . . .
The next day Trish has visited her with cards and roses because Ally should feel special when she's at the crappiest moments of her life. But Ally doesn't feel completely special until she's wearing Austin's sweatshirt again and he kisses her temple.
She still can't get warm when Austin is piling blankets on her. The nurse says that she'll feel cold until the fever breaks and they can't determine how long until that moment. Trish is telling her to sit still when she's lifted the blanket from Ally's feet just to paint her toe nails. Austin is content when Ally is giggling because she's ticklish in the toes.
Dez walks into the room and doesn't bother to greet her, he just pops in a movie that he's brought and turns on the TV in the hospital room. Ally smiles because it makes her feel a little bit normal and not sick. She frowns when she sees exactly what movie it is; It's the first Zalien's movie. This time Austin isn't on Ally's side and demands that they watch it no matter what she says. Ally rolls her eyes and decides to fall asleep so she doesn't need to watch any 'brain-sucking'.
Ally awakes when the movie is nearly over to leap from the bed, yank the IV out of her arm and dash to the bathroom. She's vomiting until her stomach can't wretch anymore. Austin was by her side holding her hair, Trish and Dez are holding each other with tears in their eyes, standing back as they watch Ally and listen to her cry over the toilet while Austin tries to make her feel better with simple 'It's Okay' 'Don't Worry' or 'I Love You, Ally'.
When Ally's stomach decides it doesn't need to vomit anymore, Austin helps a weak Ally get back into bed and calls for the nurse. He explains their situation while Ally is too tired to even keep her eyes open and the nurse smiles and gently puts the IV back in her arm. Ally's hand is bruising from the needle constantly being inserted into her arm.
. . . . . . .
It's nearly a month later and for the first time in a long time, Ally hasn't dealt with fevers or urgent trips to the hospital. Today was a good day and she's not even shedding tears when her mother's friend, who's occupation is hair-styling, is now shaving her head. Ally decided she didn't want to watch her hair fall out, so she's shaving it all now.
Austin is proud of her that she's laughing and being herself again. Trish is popping the Sparkling Apple Juice as a joke and watching it fizz all over the floor. Penny's eyes dart to hers and Trish laughs out an apology and promises to clean the mess - Dez ends up cleaning it though.
Lester is having a hard time holding back his tears but he does it for Ally because she's cried a lot and he doesn't need her to cry anymore. Ally looks up at Austin and demands he takes a photo. Austin smiles at her and takes out his phone. She gives a thumbs up and wide open-mouth smile to the camera and he snaps the photo. He delivers it to Facebook, Instagram, and Tweeter with the caption 'My Warrior'.
Ally is belting out 'I Will Always Love You' by Whitney Houston at the top of her lungs, hitting perfect notes because her voice wasn't weak today when the hair-dresser tells her to shut up because it's distracting. Ally lets out a whole-hearted laugh and Austin smiles because he hadn't heard it in forever.
. . . . . .
Two months later, Austin has busted Ally out of the hospital for a day because he'd explained to the nurses that she was getting depressed being cooped up in there. He's carrying her bridal style down the beach singing at the top of his lungs and making her laugh. Although it's weak and croaky, it still sounds beautiful to his ears.
"Oh my God," she says, pointing to the water where they'd just seen a sea animal. He smiles and kisses her head. He can't imagine what it would be like not being able to visit the beach in months.
He sets her down on the sand, a towel beneath her, and sits down beside her. He wraps an arm around her and they stare at the ocean counting each sea animal they see. You would swear they were tourists to Miami by how excited they got when they saw a new creature in the water.
They've talked about everything: life, family, feelings, thoughts, the sky, friends, school, how happy they were that they'd graduated and it was summer, and their relationship, until eventually Ally was asleep on the sand. She was so tired and weak, she wanted this journey to be over and it almost was.
. . . . . . . .
Ally's vomiting in the bathroom again, clutching onto Austin's hand but this time she doesn't cry over the toilet because two days ago was her last chemotherapy treatment and she was so excited to recover.
Austin manages to help her back into bed. "I forgot what it felt like to puke at home," Ally says and he laughs as he crawls into bed next to her and showers her with kisses along her face. He cringes and tells her how bad her breath stinks but Ally waves a hand dismissively telling him that it was his fault he wanted to kiss her.
Ally's singing her favourite tune when she gets the shakes again. Austin holds her tightly wishing he could cease them but the only thing he can cease is her mutilating thoughts of her fears. He whispers sweet-nothing's into her ear and reminds her that she's gone through every chemo treatment and there was no more to do. She smiles and lets herself feel shaky because she wants to remember how bad she's ever felt when she finally feels good again.
"I love you," Ally tells him because she's the only one who hadn't said it yet. She'd shown him with actions but never formed the words and now that she has, she feels so much better. Austin kisses her again and it lasts longer than any of their previous kisses.
. . . . . . .
Another two months later and Ally's thrown away wigs and settled for hats and bandanas because her hair is growing back and wigs are always itchy. She's recovered from her last chemo treatment and is beginning to feel like herself again.
She opens the door to her house and she's frozen in place when she sees the balloons and a crowd of people in her house. "Surprise!" they'd shouted out, laughing with happiness. Ally smiled big and they welcomed her in with hugs and congratulations.
"We're so proud of you!" they'd all said to Ally. Ally announced her appreciation to everyone in the room before running over to Austin, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly.
"Did you do this?" she asked him.
"Dez and Trish helped, too. We just filled your parents in yesterday," he told her, kissing her face. Ally smiled wide because she loved him and just maybe he was her cure for Cancer all along.
The End.
I feel like this one was kinda bad...but it had been sitting in my computer for days and I don't know what to do with it so I figured I'd post it. I thought of it being a story, but I wasn't sure if anyone would read it. Should I make a story like this?
P.S. I haven't been getting good feedback about Sweeter Than Fiction so I most likely won't post that story. I was also pretty iffy about it, because I ended My Sweet Escape so well and I'm feeling that the sequel might ruin that.
Anyways,
Reviews are very, very cool.