Hey everyone I'm back with another Adventure time fic! This was a lot of fun to write!
Reviews are always appreciated!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS ADVENTURE TIME
Lumpy Space Princess looked at herself in the mirror. She was ready for her double date with Marceline and Ash. She was bringing her boyfriend Brad whom she was dating for four weeks. They were taking it slow and easy, and they even had their anniversary. It had been the longest relationship that LSP has ever been through and was proud.
She strutted in her designer dress that she picked up yesterday (It was a pink pillowcase.) She puffed out her lips as she smeared her ruby red lipstick all over. There was no doubt about it, she had the most luscious lips, the most fabulous lumps, and no one could resist her. She heard the doorbell ring as she took one last look in the mirror and picked up her purse.
"I look fresh to death in my dress." She said in pride as she swung the door open. There, was her hot date Brad. His lumps were combed and he was wearing an Armani tie. They looked awesome together. LSP could hardly wait to show off that they were the cutest couple. She flashed her eyes and strutted her lump butt.
"Heeeyyyy Braddd, you look amaazziiing in that tiiiie."She sighed. "What do you think of my neeeewww dress? Hmm?"
"You look great LSP." Brad complimented, then he averted his gaze off his girlfriend and on the door. "Um, how come there's a lumping door right in front of your, erm, house? You basically live in a forest."
She scowled. "IT LOOKED NICE OK? SO LUMP OFF!"
Brad floated back. "Ok, ok just saying. Let's go?" He said. LSP rolled her eyes as she floated with her boyfriend to the location where they were going to meet Marceline and her boyfriend Ash. They were going to have dinner at the most exclusive restaurant ever. LSP couldn't wait.
"So you just left him hanging there? You didn't even call him that you didn't want to go?"
"Totally, you should've seen the look on his face. He was like "what's your beef?"
Marceline laughed as she placed a small kiss on her boyfriend's cheek. Ash was so entertaining and funny, she was glad that she found someone. They have dated for quite a while, a whole month actually. Right now they were on a double date. They were going with LSP and her boyfriend. She frowned at the thought of double dating with her. It was not like she didn't like LSP, it was just the thought of being on a double date. From the horrible experiences she had from dates like those she already knew this one was going to be no different. But LSP wouldn't take no for an answer. She asked Ash and he said it was cool. He wanted to know what lumpy space people looked like.
"Hey, since it's a date shouldn't you be wearing something nice?" Ash asked, indicating her outfit.
Marceline looked down to her attire for the evening. She was wearing a gray tank top with black skinny jeans accompanied by her favorite red boots; her hair was up in a pony tail. She thought back to her ripped black dress, striped tights and her black flats.
"My dress had a stain on it." She lied. Truthfully, she didn't feel like dressing up really fancy.
"What about you? You aren't wearing anything special. I'm not even going to start on your hair." Marceline pointed out.
Ash glanced at his composed outfit. He was wearing a burger- stained t-shirt, khakis, and crap job shoes. He raised his head up high with a big smirk on his face. "I'll have you know that Mr. Handsome don't need no fancy clothes to make himself appealing. After all, you haven't said anything since I picked you up."
"Excuse me, I picked you up." She corrected. Marceline looked over to her shoulder to see the Volcano of the seas, an attraction that brought the BayBay café customers in. Sure enough she saw LSP, all fancied up, and chattering to her boyfriend endlessly. Marceline took an exhausted sigh, pinched her nose and floated closer to them.
LSP turned around and gave a huge smile. "HEYYY GIRLFRIEEND!" She said in excitement. "I'm so lumpin glad you two made it! You guys are like, SUCH a cute couple!"
"Uh huh." Marceline said in monotone. Both of them surveying their anti-date clothes.
LSP motioned to Brad. "This is my Bf, Brad."
Brad held up a hand. "Hi, I-"
"O-M-G, I almost forgot about the present! Brad, where's is it?" LSP said hurriedly.
He grimaced. Brad took something out of his tux and gave it to Marceline. She took it in her hands and studied the gift wrapped object. She tugged the red ribbon holding it together and the wrap fell apart. It was a box containing replacement instrument strings incase the string snapped.
"So, like, whenever you or your boyfriend's instrument strings snap, you can use those to replace em' in no time!" LSP said.
Marceline gave a wary smile as she passed the gift to Ash. "Um, I play the bass, and Ash plays the drums. And these are violin strings."
LSP held her hand up dismissively. "Well, you can always improvise!"
She looked at her incredulously. "These are violin strings, how can I-"
"Hey, what about dinner? Let's go." Brad interrupted nervously. His girlfriend shrugged and started to float off into the café's direction. Brad stayed by her side as he turned around to mouth words to Marceline: You do not want to see her lose her temper.
She rolled her eyes as the four of them approached the restaurant in silence. The café was a short building that was lopsided artfully to one side, like a topsy turvy cake. It was painted orange, and the sign that read 'Café BayBay' was written in red cursive with a bright, neon yellow dash. Circular windows showed a significant amount of people inside. Smooth jazz played as the familiar sounds of a busy café rumbled about. Unidentifiable plants in pots were lined up on each sides of the door. There was an extensive line with lots of people trying to get in. LSP proudly took out a reservation paper and held it proudly in the air.
"Out of the way people, I've got…" She fluttered her eyes flirtatiously. " A reservation paper."
The crowd parted as they let the four pass. Marceline felt unwanted attention gaze at her. When they reached the desk that awaited a server. She could already hear trouble awaiting her from inside. She had a feeling that this date was going to end really badly. The restaurant was filled with people. The walls were painted a sunset orange, the floor was made out of candy wood, alien looking plants were stationed in different corners of the room, and PB was on the small stage doing poetry while Finn beat boxed for her. They settled down on a table near the window.
"Remember Daniel?" Marceline smirked as she elbowed her boyfriend and pointed under the table.
"Oooo, who's Daniel?" LSP said playfully as she settled her purse onto the table.
"A huge wad of gum that me and Ash created whenever we come here. We named it Daniel." Marceline explained.
Her eyes sparkled."How romantic! Brad, how come we don't, like, have something like that to remind of us of our love."
"Oh hey guys! I didn't know you came to this place! It's groovy isn't it?"
The four of them spun their heads around to see Ice King before them. He wore a maid apron that seemed a bit too tight for him and a name tag that said Sharlene Crumbs. He held a notepad and a pen. Marceline made a face. "Sim- Ice king, what the Gob are you doing here?"
"I'm filing in for Sharlene Crumbs. I don't usually work here, but you know, the old snowball likes to get around and see what's out there. Plus, I've gotten three phone numbers from girls! I think I'll make all three of them my sugar mamas." He pulled up his sleeve to reveal three red penned scrawl on his arm. One said 634- 230- Notgoingtohappenever342, another had an email address: Yeahrightloser getalife. ca. Marceline bit back a frown as he withdrew his arm.
"So, what can I cook for ya today?" Ice king asked. Marceline gave him a half filled bottle of red tobacco sauce. Ash gave him a jar of canned pickles. Brad gave him a piece of leftover steak from last week's dinner.
As ice king took their desired to-be-prepared food onto his tray he turned to LSP lastly. "So honey buns, what'll it be?"
She raised her eyebrow in confusion. What the hell were her friends giving him, tips? "Where's our lumpin menus? And why the hell are you tiping him this early? He hasn't done anything!"
He laughed. "This is Café BayBay! You gotta bring in whatever you want for us to cook!" Ice King nudged to Brad and went into a position for a side remark. "Saves us from complaints big time."
LSP's boyfriend readied himself for an outburst of screaming.
"WHAT THE LUMP BRAD?! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT WE HAD TO BRING SOMETHING. I SWEAR TO LUMP OUR RELATIONSHIP IS FALLING APART!" She screeched.
He lowered himself down his chair and nervously adjusted his tie. "Hon, you were the one who chose this place. Shouldn't you-"
'OH NOW YOU'RE BLAMING EVERYTHING ON ME. IT'S NOT MY FAULT EVERYTIME BRAD." She sniffled as she turned to the nearest plant pot and plucked a handful of leaves to give to Ice king. "you have to accept me as I am. You know how I am."
He didn't say anything as Marceline and Ash sat awkwardly in their seats. LSP 'humphed' as she brushed off her lumps in way to de-stress herself.
"Hey Marce, remember when we stuffed ten red velvet croissants in your hat when we were in the Cracker Kingdom?" Ash said, in spite to make this a good evening.
Marceline threw he hands up in the air. "I had crumbs in my hair for a month Ash!" She sighed as she leaned against her chair. "But it was totally worth it. Those croissants were really good."
"Do you have any funny stories?" he anxiously turned to them, hoping for a response.
"Yeah" Brad chipped in. He was determined to at least get through the entire night with no fighting or drama. "Uh, remember the time when we visited Wildberry Kingdom and visited my step sister?"
She smiled as she recollected that memory. "and how she was being really rude to us and we painted butts all over her favorite coat? That was funny."
Everyone laughed in unison. Then it became an unintentional contest for who had the funniest story. It seemed to be the beginning of a good afternoon and everyone was relaxed and finally comfortable. LSP didn't seem to be putting up a drama or fight like she would normally would do. For once, she was not stressed about anything, and was determined to make it the best double date ever.
After receiving their food, Ash conjured up another story. "I'm pretty sure you remember this one Marceline." He said in-between bites of his food.
"We were camping in the Dumpster Terrains last week and you were wearing the new band shirt that I got you. You were so careful on not staining it and right before we went to sleep a huge gorilla bear attacked and tore your shirt up. She also got these lengthy flesh wounds across her stomach, but it was alright." He leaned towards his girlfriend and pecked her quickly on the cheek. "I kissed her boo-boos goodbye."
LSP and Brad slightly laughed but their smiles faded when they saw Marceline not laughing or beaming. Instead, she looked confused and a bit angry.
"Dumpster Terrains? You hate camping." She stated slowly. "And a new band t-shirt? That never came in the mail."
"Oh." His face went white as his lips pursed together. "That wasn't you?"
LSP knew where this was going. "Oh my lumpin' Gob."
Marceline went quiet for a moment before coming to a realization. She scrunched up her face grotesquely as her pupils dilated. "Last week I asked you to come to my showing at PB's place and you said you were visiting your cousins those seven days. You went with Monique when she told everybody she was going camping?!'
Ash didn't say anything as his girlfriend pressed further. "I knew it! You've been acting so out of it lately and I should have guessed it from the start! And you kissed her?" She said in disbelief. "I don't even-"
"Don't give me that." Ash muttered. LSP's heart raced, it was like watching a drama. "Don't you dare make me look like a villain again Marceline."
"But you keep on constantly acting like one!" She snapped. "If you don't want to sound like a villain then stop."
"You know what? I'm glad that I went with Monique because all I ever hear about you is Princess Bubblegum this and Princess Bubblegum that-"
Marceline gritted her teeth. "Just because I mention her a few times doesn't mean you need to go a- ball on revenge! Yeah, I know I used to date PB-"
"PB!" He said in amazement. "You're still calling her nickname."
"That's been her nickname before I even came in the picture!' She said in exasperation. "God, you don't even listen do you? "
"AND YOU KNOW WHAT BRAD?!" LSP roared, getting herself worked up and had tears in her eyes. Everyone was startled by her sudden outburst and went quiet for a moment.
"LSP…this isn't about you-" Marceline said slowly
"YES IT FREAKING IS MARCELINE YOU ATTENTION WENCH." She screamed as she turned to Brad robotically.
She sniffled. "It's been four weeks Brad and every time I see you I expect you to go down on one knee and propose to me like you want me to be your wife something."
He blinked and took him a full five minutes to utter a single word out. "LSP…It's only been four weeks, I don't we're ready-"
His girlfriend's eyes were glimmering with fat tears and her fists were clenched. She could not believe what was happening. "You mean that you are not ready. I always was Brad, I ALWAYS WAS YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND AND I EXPECT YOU TO KNOW ME BY NOW."
Brad wiped off the spit that LSP unintentionally threw at his face. He couldn't put up with all the smiles and the trying anymore. He was getting fumed. "I'm not telepathic Lumpy Space Princess, please understand that at least!"
LSP bawled for a few minutes before fanning her lumps to calm herself. "I'm trying to remain calm, whew, okay. Brad, you know I like you. No matter how much Dan, Sammy, George, Jimmy, Chad chase me I will never chase them because I'm chasing you. You know I'm different from all the girls you're not supposed to date and I'm really trying to make this work Brad, I really am. Thank gob I've been granted forgiveness with my luscious lumps but…I am going to give you a second chance. I really want to make this work."
Brad was speechless and got a bit teary eyed as well. It had been so long since LSP said something nice and meaningful to him; almost as touching as the first time she almost said 'I love you.'
He choked on the words that he was thinking of. "LSP, that is the sweetest thing you've said to me the four weeks we've been together. I will most certainly take up your second offer and I will most certainly try-"
"TRY? TRYING ALWAYS GETS US INTO FIGHTS. YOU KNOW WHAT BRAD? I'M DONE AND I'M OUT OF HERE." LSP floated out of her chair and out of the restaurant.
Brad furrowed his eyebrows and wore an angry face. "I'm sick of this; I'm calling Melissa over here."
Marceline and Ash blinked, trying to piece together what just happened. She still felt a fire in her stomach getting stronger and stronger when it was fed rage. She tried her hardest to refrain from changing into a monster and screaming at her boyfriend. She stood up and brushed her jeans off. Ash looked at her and gave her a smug look.
"Where do you think you're going?" He said in a low voice. "You're taking me home."
"Not anymore I won't" She said under her breath as she floated out of the booth.
"I'm going to pay the bill?" He said in exasperation
"You bet your hair you are." Marceline went over to the stage where PB and Finn were performing. Singing was the only way she could blow off some steam.
"Give me the mic." She muttered as she held up her hand. Princess Bubblegum pursed her lips in disagreement as she ignored her request. Finn was now looking at Marceline in concern.
She had enough. Marceline transformed into ignitus and wagged her serpent's tongue violently. Her eyes grew wild and her claws were sharp and long like a knife. "GIVE ME THE MIC" she screeched.
Startled, PB dropped the mic as Marceline picked it up and kicked her off the stage.
"HEY!" Princess Bubblegum yelled. "I'll have you know that I've spent four hours writing that poetry and only got to recite half of it!"
Marceline ignored her as she turned her attention to Finn. "Make it a slow beat. " She said in a demanding voice and Finn did as complied.
People are so troublesome,
It's no surprise to me,
I've been living for thousands of years,
And it's all I ever see-
Ice king emerged out of the kitchen and saw that everyone but Brad was seated at the booth. He shrugged as he seated himself down. He took off his apron and detached the name tag and stuck it on top of the jewel of his crown
"I am the tag queen."