Medicatedly Sane
Chapter 1: Too Much Question
There were a lot of things I wanted to do that day on my vacation in Chile… like going shopping, enjoying a long walk on the beach, or doing the work I was paid to do. What I wasn't planning on doing that day? Being caught in the unexpected rainstorm on my way to the beach, going to a bar to dry off, wind up getting shit faced causing me to get kidnapped by some thugs thinking I was some lap dancing whore, then being saved by a band. Who then invited me to spend the night at their crazy whacked out studio/house on a fucking island made of trash. Then taught me how to use a gun drunk out of my fucking mind to fight a couple of killer sharks harassing us. That was six years ago and the fact that I forgot that day irritated me since my memory loss. It's the only thing I can remember at this point, the blow to my head was harder than I thought. Although the medication for all my mental problems has kind of been helping my memory still hasn't come back. I get it's kind of confusing as I write this but I'm trying to sort through fiction and reality right now. Schizophrenia is a difficult disorder ok? I'm constantly hearing voices that aren't there and seeing a little girl in bunny ears laughing. So is the rare form of manic depression and insomnia. I had to stop the medication because I couldn't get any work done. I felt so lethargic and like a lazy sack of crap, but now I'm going crazy again so I find myself digging deeper and deeper into an unwanted hole. Either way it still doesn't stop the fact I need to continue my search to find out who I am before the accident two years after the crazy days I remembered earlier this morning. So here I was sitting at the beach enjoying the nice weather, in a plain tank top and shorts, trying to take a break from the constant tidbits of memories flooding through my head. I was listening to the radio enjoying some songs from a band I have come to like since my recovery known as the 'Gorillaz'. They had some interesting stuff and I was hoping that maybe they could do a tour. I think their music is awesome and think it would be crazy to see them live. Almost like when I saw another band named 'Rammstein' live a few months ago what with the flamethrower and homemade pyrotechnics. Laying back I looked at the sky over Botany Bay, there weren't any clouds and there was no breeze but it was hot beyond belief and the tide was coming in. Still, I was sick of the norm, I worked myself into this groove of normalcy and part of me imagines my life before the accident was a wild and crazy trip. I want to go back to that life I'm sick of having a job as a cashier at the clothes store by my house and going to constant therapy visits for my head and medication. I've since learned to ignore 'Dolly' as I call the little bunny girl I see unless it's necessary. I get lonely a lot of the time so I have to have someone to talk to. And Dolly isn't all that bad I just wish she would stop chopping her own head off leaving me to find it in the strangest of places like in my bed or shower.
"I wanna go home." Dolly spoke sitting next to me in the sand.
"I don't care I'm enjoying life right now so piss off." I grumbled as I noticed there was a shadow over me.
"I 'ad no idea I was botherin' ya luv." Oh great just what I needed a local bothering me while Dolly roamed the beach with her now severed head. I looked up to see a man hovering over me, his skin was a green color and his hair was jet black. He was a bit on the tall side and his face looked like a sight for sore eyes. His crooked smile revealed even more crooked, sharp, almost yellow teeth. Still though I felt like I've seen him before.
"You weren't but now you are by invading my personal space. Take a few steps back and maybe I'll feel more comfortable talking to you." I glared as he moved back a few steps. Dolly came back into view she was sitting in the sand in front of me and the man burying her head in the sand. I hated her sometimes.
"Is this any bettah luv?" He was still smiling rather crookedly as he spoke in the thick British accent, his voice was a bit scratchy and now that I heard it I swear to fucking god he felt so familiar.
"I guess. So mind telling me who the hell you are and what the fuck you are doing hovering over me in the creepy fashion? I have enough psychological trauma to deal with back home." His eyes widened slightly before going back to the creepy smile look as I asked feeling my anger boil as Dolly dug up her head and put it in my lap. I wanted to scream at her but I didn't need more people thinking I'm crazy.
"Well love I woz wokin' by an' 'eard yer radio. Since I do love me some Gorillaz I thought I moght ask if ya wonted to come sit wif me an' my mates, I'm judgin' from ya accent ya not from around 'ere though," The fact that I couldn't put my finger on why I knew him was driving me crazy, "Also name's Murdoc." My hands immediately flung to my head as an intense pain throbbed through it. Why was his name so familiar?! As I sat there in pain for a few minutes Murdoc continued to stand there. Why? I don't know. Soon a new song came on the radio 'Murdoc Is God' and his creepy smile came back before a new voice could be heard.
"I don't even remember where the fuck I'm from for fucks sake." I complained rubbing my temples. Murdoc's face read concern when I looked up.
"Hey onee-san! Where did you go?" I heard a little Japanese girl call out. Looking up a small Japanese girl stood next to Murdoc who was jamming out to the song. Dolly was dancing around the both of them in a silly fashion spewing blood everywhere. Disgusting little girl. The Japanese girl turned and looked at me smiling very hugely soon jumping up and down excitedly. Her arms flung around my neck and she started saying strange things in Japanese. She was joined right after by a larger black guy and a tall skinny boy with two holes in his head where his eyes should be. Who are these people and why do they know me? I don't even know myself!
"Mur…. Oh my god Panic!" The larger boy exclaimed joining the little Japanese girl in what was now a death group hug. Dolly kept giggling like she knew something I didn't.
"Holy fucking shit! Oh my fucking god who are you fucking people and how the fuck do you fucking know who the fuck I am when I don't fucking even know my fucking self?!" The pair let go and the four people in front of me now wore sad faces.
"Wot do yu mean yu don' remember us?" The one with the empty eye sockets asked sounding genuinely sad and confused.
"Yeah all the crazy times we had six years ago with the parties and epic adventures?" The big guy added with same tone in his voice. The little girl looked so sad almost ready to cry.
"I con't believe ya blokes fergot wot 'appened? That's wot's got yer brain all mixed up luv isn't it? Con't believe I didn't think of it before." Murdoc moved and sat next to me on the towel and looked at me deep in my eyes. I really wish I could remember these people.
"Onee-chan survived that? I thought she was dead!" My eyes widened in shock as Murdoc got closer tilting his head this way and that. I fell back on the towel into a pool of Dolly's blood. If the medicine didn't hinder my life in so many ways…
"I woke up from the accident three months later in a mental hospital. I couldn't remember a damn thing. I got put on so many drugs they told me I used to take as a kid; two weeks later I was thrown out into society. I can't remember crap other than a crazy two days I had six years ago, hazy flashbacks of the accident, and my boring day to day life. Which by the fucking way I hate." I rolled my eyes at the last bit before Murdoc stood up again joining his friends.
"Wot do yu say yu come an hang out wif us for a while an maybe yur memry'll come back?" Bullet holes, that's what I'll call him for now, spoke giving a great idea.
"Oi faceache that's not such a bad idea!" Murdoc laughed slapping the poor kid on the back a little too hard causing him to stumble forward face first into the sand, "So luv would ya be up for it?" I don't know how I felt about all of this happening so fast. I mean my heart was telling me yes go be free and ditch the normal life I've grown to loathe but my head was telling me all of this was bad business to begin with. What the hell was I going to if it turned out these people were the ones that caused the accident to begin with or worse?
"Uh… I don't know. I mean you all seem like wonderful people but part of me is telling me to say no," My phone started to ring, it was Dr. Anderson, "Well shit I knew I forgot something. It was wonderful to meet all of you from what I am assuming was again but I have to run. Come on Dolly we gotta jet." I quickly picked up my towel and radio stuffing them in my bag running off towards the train station leaving four confused individuals behind.
"Oh luv… wot in Satan's name happened to my little sassy ass bitch?" Murdoc mumbled quietly as the rest of the group walked back to their area on the beach. Looking down as he walked away Russel noticed Panic dropped her I.D.
"Hey Muds she dropped this, ya should give it back to her." Russel handed him the I.D. before Murdoc took off running toward the station. The station was right outside the beach so getting home wasn't going to be a pain for her but Murdoc was hoping to at least be nice and give her a ride even if she didn't remember him or any of his mates. Sure his heart still ached for her but if she didn't even know who she was what was the point of trying to win her back? When he reached the station she was gone already. After having spoken to the woman at the ticket booth she was already on her way back home. Murdoc sighed sitting down on an empty bench as 2-D ran over to him.
"Wot am I gonna do faceache? She con't even remember who we are let alone me… My sassy little bitch is gone. Faceache she's fuckin' gone!" He grabbed 2-D's shoulders and shook him rather violently.
"Why don't yu just give 'er back 'er I.D. at least? Then yu con see where she's gone an' if she even likes 'er new life? I mean the Black Cloud ain't aftah' us no moor' maybe yu could set fings strait wif her?" 2-D explained rather almost nonchalant, he was on fire for good ideas today.
"Blimey faceache wot is wif ya an' the good ideas today ya bloke? Come on go get the othahs an' meet me back at the car." Soon the bandmates piled into the stylo and took a long drive into the heart of London going by the address on the I.D. Driving up to her place shocked everyone their long time good friend was their own neighbor living at 211 Wobble Street. Piling out of the car Noodle had pushed everyone out of the way to knock on the door. If Panic was back that meant more girl to girl time and break from the guys. After knocking loudly five to six times they waited. And waited. And waited. 2-D rang the doorbell a few times, still no answer.
"Oh the little deary is out at the doctors right now. She asked me to keep an eye out if she got any visitors. She should be back in an hour or so." This little old lady spoke poking her head out from the window on the other side of Panic's place. Sighing, the band walked next door going back to their own place that was soon to be foreclosed on. Part of Murdoc wishes he hadn't of burnt down Kong Studios or even had dealings with the Black Cloud so they could still have Plastic Beach at their disposal. The island is still useable but the house is now in a state of disrepair and it would cost more than a pretty penny to fix it. Even if they didn't make another song in their life Murdoc didn't want to deal with losing everything again for a fourth time especially now that they knew Panic was still alive. Their best bet in his mind was to wade through the mess they might be able to fix and worry later. So he sat on the front stoop smoking cigarettes until her return three hours later. Murdoc was lying across the bottom step with 2-D and Russel playing a card game on the top step. Noodle was sitting on the stone railing playing Tetris on her Gameboy. 2-D was the first to look up when she walked by. Panic wasn't in the tank top and shorts from the beach. Her hair was still half electric blue and green. She had a shirt with the album art from Plastic Beach on the front, long flannel pants on, and a sweatshirt around her waist. Some things just never change. Noodle and Russel both turned their heads in her direction before Murdoc sat up to see. Her head was down a little and her makeup was running, he wanted to say something but her headphones were in her ears and the loudness of a song was heard unknown of what. When he eyed her up and down she had a slow pace in her walk, she was missing what Russel said once was a swagger in her step. What in the hell happened to his woman? She walked right past them turning up the stairs to her apartment and unlocking the door.
"Do ya fink we should go say hi or somefing?" 2-D asked looking around at everyone noticing he lost another round of cards to Russel.
"I think she needs some space right now. I mean she looked pretty freaked at the beach so let's give her some time." Russel was always the one to toss the best advice around. Maybe he'd sneak out later and take her for a drink, that wouldn't hurt right?