A/N
Took some 'inspiration' for this, namely the "Prothy the Prothean" meme on Bioware's forums, said meme corresponding to the rumoured prothean squad member for Mass Effect 3. And in true series fashion, any squad member automatically qualifies for romance inclusion in fanfiction circles...though admittedly, I'm not that eager to get it on with someone at least 50,000 years my senior. 0_0
Age Barrier
"I reckon...I reckon..."
"Yes?"
"I reckon...that Commander Shepard is a lot like Jesus Christ."
The tradition of face-palming extended back centuries and James Vega was more than willing to follow through, for reasons of both irony and general annoyance. On one hand, the crew of the Normandy had been led to find a prothean in stasis, courtesy of a data-file codenamed DLC. On the other, 50,000 years of stasis did a number on many things, and the ability to interact with the species of today was an example. On the third metaphorical hand, "Prothy" had proven himself adapt at certain aspects of life, whether it be the absorption of every piece of literature he came across or beating the lieutenant in chess. And on the fourth hand...well, case in point. Bad conversation and another pawn joining the great chess-piece pile in the sky.
"Oh really?" Vega asked eventually. "And why's that?"
"Well...she's beating the Reapers, isn't she?" the prothean asked. "You know, saving the galaxy, and your species. Kind of like a messiah figure?"
"Yeah..."
"And the Reapers...they represent the devil...so..."
Prothy trailed off and Vega couldn't blame him. Even the last member of an otherwise extinct species knew when it was time to shut up.
"Piece of advice Prothy..." Vega interjected, his conversation upperhand being pressed by an aggressive move by his bishop. "If you're going to start a conversation, make sure you know how to finish it up."
"Ah, yes...oh, and you should really watch where you move your pieces."
Vega cursed as his bishop was cut down by a rampaging knight. A black one. Apparently no amount of faith could stand against brute force.
As Earth is finding out...as Prothy's people found out...hmm...wonder if Blastro has discovered that as well?
Vega smirked even as he ordered his rook to perform a tactical withdrawal. As crappy as things were on the battlefield and chessboard, he at least hadn't been accosted by every hanar he came into contact with.
"You know, it's funny you should mention Shepard," Vega murmured.
"Funny? I fail to see the humour in-..."
"Funny as in strange. Abnormal. Funny in that it seems that every male I've come across seems to be...well, interested..."
"Indeed?" the prothean asked, following up on the rook's tactical withdrawal. "In what way?"
"Well, there's Kaiden for starters," Vega began. "Something about a night before Ilos, and Horizon, and...well, stuff..."
"Stuff...yes, of course."
"And then there's a list of references back to the little war she waged against the Collectors back in '85," the CO continued. "Jacob, Garrus, Thane...I mean, it's good to catch up on people, but they're talking to me as if I know the intimate details of her life."
"And...do you?"
"No," Vega said slowly, and not only because his rook had become the latest casualty of this one-sided war. "I mean...not in any great detail, but..."
"But indeed..." Prothy sighed...or did whatever protheans did. Vega wasn't opposed to aliens, but looking at the guy's glowing eyes...well, he could understand why some groups like Cerberus were able to stir up xenophobia.
As if that matters anymore. Cerberus has gone further down the deep end, Terra Firma is probably six feet under Terra, and...
"Check, lieutenant."
Fuck!
The black pieces were pushing in on the white, led by their hounding queen...Queen Harbinger as he called her, all things considered. If chess indeed represented real war, he just hoped that Shepard could do a better job than he could.
"And still on the subject of the commander," Prothy continued. "There's also those asari. Asexual-..."
"Mono-gendered," Vega murmured, moving his king out of harm's way.
"Well...yes. I understand that Doctor T'Soni might have had a passing interest in Shepard...despite the age barrier."
Vega shrugged as another knight fell. He didn't really care right now.
"So...I mean...if a relationship had been forged all those years back," Prothy continued. "I mean...it would be acceptable, right? I mean, despite the difference in age..."
Vega stopped short and faced the board. His few pieces stared back at him. A sign of madness maybe, but anything was better than looking into Prothy's glowing eyes.
"Lieutenant?"
And yet, he had his duty...
"Prothy..." the human began slowly. "How old are you?"
"In your years? Well, about-..."
"As far as I'm concerned, over fifty-thousand," Vega said firmly. "And...crap, you have an interest in Shepard."
"Doesn't everyone? She seems to be the only romance option anyone is interested in on this-..."
"Fifty-thousand!" Vega exclaimed. "That's...well, like the equivalent of paedophilia!"
"Shepard is not a child."
"But...but...you're old!" Vega exclaimed. "You're...alien! You...I...what..."
"Many individuals on this ship are alien," Prothy pointed out. "And the asari and male ones already seem to have...staked their claims, so..."
"Yes...but...you..."
"Oh, and checkmate by the way."
Vega slumped back in his chair as his king lost his head and joined the wives of Henry VIII. All six of them. Probably felt the same way as Shepard did right now, all things considered, if she had the slightest clue as to how many people were covering her rear in more ways than one.
"Anyway, you seem to have no interest in the commander," Prothy pointed out. "So no harm, no foul, eh?"
Vega nodded slowly before setting the chessboard again.
This time, he'd go after Prothy's queen.