Just Give Me A Reason
Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
We've been together now for a little over four years. It's been one hell of a ride. I can still remember the day I met him. Walking down the stairs at Dalton to spy on my competition. I never knew I'd meet the man of my dreams.
When he grabbed my hand and told me about his short cut. I just felt sparks. I saw light in those brown eyes, I saw love and friendship and kindness. Right at that exact moment, he stole my heart, I was his. I was never going to be anyone else's. Even when we split up and I started seeing Adam. I didn't feel that spark, I didn't feel the same. I knew my soul mate was calling out to me, I knew Adam wasn't that guy. I heard Blaine's soul calling me all the way back from Lima.
After that day at Dalton, we became friends and he helped me through so much. He helped with Karofsky, with accepting who I was and most of all, probably one of the most embarrassing, he helped learn to love my body and that the feelings I was having was ok. All he would have to do is hold my hand and I felt like I could do anything. He was my own personal Superman. Now, it feels like there's a small trace of kryptonite creeping it's way into our lives.
Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you'd never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
He'll come home every night, but not till late. Sometimes, not till after I've gone to bed. We make small talk and carry on with our everyday tasks but it's different. He feels different. He's making me feel different. Then when it's time for bed, he'll kiss me good night then roll over on to his side of the bed. For a small double bed it feels like he's miles away. Sometimes I'll stay up until after he falls asleep just watching him. Watching the rise and fall of his stomach as he breathes, the soft grunting noises he makes and lately, listen to the words that seem to escape his dreams. The ones in particular that I'll never forget were, "No Kurt, no more. I just can't do this anymore."
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
All I want to do is talk to him. Talk like we used to. There are days where I'll try to get him to talk to me and he makes up some excuse to go into his study room. It's our music room but there hasn't been to much of that happening lately. I think I miss that the most. It's where our passion lies, it's his eyes when he sings to me and it's in his heart when he takes my hand, places it on his and play the keys on the piano. He knows I've never been all the good of a player so he helps me play. At least, he used to. Those keys on that piano haven't been touched in a long while. Although, not as long as me.
I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
( Yeah, but this is happenin')
I love Kurt, with my entire heart and soul. I just don't understand though because lately he seems so sad. I know I've been busy with work and school but I miss him, I miss our suppers, I miss our music nights, I miss the way we'd cuddle and the way we'd hold each other until we fell asleep. I'm just so tired all the time, I know once summer vacation starts it won't be so bad. I just wish he'd hold me some times and tell me it's all ok. I've been just getting the feeling lately that it's not ok. That he doesn't feel ok, and I just can't seem to get him to tell me why.
You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more then empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love
Night time is the worst. I get too tired to function and all I want is to hold him til I fall asleep but he just sits up in bed, either reading or playing on his tablet. Then in the morning when I wake up for school, I find him almost hanging off the other side of the bed he's so far away from me, like I smell or something. There's even this one time I found him on the livingroom couch, and that couch isn't the slightest bit comfortable. He just seems to be moving farther away from me, leaving the sheets where we used to take up our space, cold and empty.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I have to talk to Kurt, I know that. He's the kind of person that will hide everything inside until he bursts then it ends in a mess. I'll take the day off work tomorrow and just sit him down and see what's going on in that head of his. I miss his touch, I miss his hands on my chest, on my back, oh hell, I miss his hands everywhere. That soft touch. My skin tingles just thinking about him. I don't think a person could be more connected to me then Kurt. Our love is one of stories in romance novels. Just as he deserves.
Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our loves enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean
" Kurt?"
" Yes?" He looked up from the dishes.
" Can you sit down please?" I pointed to the couch
" Aren't you going to be late for work?" He looked at me.
I shook my head, " I took the day off. I want to talk to you."
He breathed in deep, " Ok." He slowly made his way to the couch.
" What did you want to talk about Blaine?"
I didn't like the way he said my name, so much force and not enough love like before. " I wanna know what's going on between us. Somethings changed and I can't figure out why. I feel like I miss you and I see you everyday. I live with you, yet my heart misses you so much."
He looked at me, " Don't you know?" He asked straight forward.
I shook my head and sat down next to him, " No. I don't know. I don't know what I did to make you become so distant."
His voice raised, " Distant? I'm being distant Blaine? Please, if anyone is being distant it's you."
" Me? I mean I know I've been working a lot and with school but I'm here."
He shook his head, his eyes starting to form tears. " No Blaine, you're not here. You're never here. And when you are, your heart isn't."
" What? My heart never left. In fact my heart has to be here because it goes where you go. You have my heart, Kurt Hummel. You have it, I don't. It's yours. It's always been yours." I couldn't control it anymore, the tears starting slipping down my cheeks.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bits enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
The tears starting to flow down my cheeks. He always knew just what to say. I love him, with everything in me. " You have mine as well, Blaine Anderson. No one ever did or ever will. You have mine and I have yours."
" Please then, tell me why. Why were you being so withdrawn."
" You left me, your heart slipped away a little. I may have it Blaine but it took a break. It left me. It turned cold and turned it's back on me. I tried to will it back I did."
" I never left you, I never will. That's a promise I can keep for the rest of my life. I'm sorry that I made you feel as if I left. I'm sorry that I made you sad." I took his hands in mine. " I never want to see you like this again. Especially because I made you feel this way. I will do everything I can to prevent that."
He nodded, " You know, you talk in your sleep sometimes."
Huh? I was confused. He must of saw the expression on my face.
" Ya, just words here and there but that one night. That night was different."
" It was a dream, whatever I said, it was just a dream."
" ' No Kurt, no more. I just can't do this anymore.' That night, that night killed me." He looked down.
Oh my gawd, no wonder he felt that way, I don't even rememeber anything like that. I rarely remember my dreams though.
More tears came, " I...I'm so..so sorry baby. I...don't remember anything like that. I don't know why I'd say something like that. It's not true, there would never be a moment where I couldn't do this anymore. Understand me? I love you. I love you so damn much. I love you more ways then I can count."
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars of our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I nodded, I knew he meant it. I knew he loved me that me much, it felt nice to hear it again though. " It's that same for me. I never want to be the reason for your sadness, I couldn't stand it."
" So please, can we just forget this whole stupid thing and just be happy and in love?"
I nodded, " Ya."
Then he kissed me. One of those deep meaningful kisses. The ones only Blaine can give when there's that much love to give. The ones that make your heart tingle, then everywhere else tingle. He parted from me and sat back. He looked away and put his hand to his mouth. Just like our first kiss, so shy and sweet.
" Blaine?"
He looked back at me, " Hmm?"
" Take me to bed Superman."
He smiled, " Superman?"
I smiled, " You're my hero."
" Well then," He held out his hand and said in a hero voice, " Come with me if you want to...cum."
I laughed, grabbed his hand and we ran into the bedroom.
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again