A/N: Well, here it is by popular demand...the first chapter of Lost and Delirious. Enjoy. P.S. I don't own Victorious...if I did there would be a lot more Jori. Shame really.

Beautiful

I'm watching my life fall apart before my eyes.

Literally.

After I stormed away from Beck at Vega's house, I had assumed that our fight was nothing, one of those split second choices that would cause some drama but we'd eventually kiss and make up. Apparently I was wrong, very fucking wrong.

"I'm so sick of this crap, Jade. I'm tired of this run around, this "lets break up and get back together" merry-go-round! It would be different if this was the first time we've been here, but it isn't! It's not even the hundredth time."

"What are you saying?"

"Jade, I feel trapped in this relationship. I feel like I've been defined as "Jade's boyfriend" for the last three years. I need to find out who I am and what I want, and I can't do that with you, it's too hard."

"But babe, this is just the way-"

"No! It's not the way ANYBODY is. Why do you think our friends never invite us anywhere anymore? They're ashamed to be seen in the company of two people who are always screaming at each other. And its ALWAYS a fight with you and I'm sick to death of it, sick of constantly apologizing for you, sick of watching you treat everyone else like SHIT just because you can! I'm not gonna do anymore!"

"So you're giving up on me because I'm a bitch? Guess what Beck! Been a bitch since we started dating!"

"That's not it! Look I-I just-I..."

"You what? What?"

"I'm sorry. I tried my best. I thought that if I kept being a good example maybe you'd change how you deal with people, but I'm done with it. I'm tired of this fight."

"So I was just a FUCKING EXPERIMENT to you, to see if you could CHANGE ME?"

"NO! I loved you, I really did but.."

A horrible feeling comes over me. Like something huge is hurtling towards me at a about a million miles an hour. I can almost literally feel the weight of the tension in the air. An awful realization strikes me. I don't want to even THINK it but I have to know.

"But what Beck? What? Fucking say it! Or are you just not man enough?"

"I don't want you anymore Jade."

Its a slap in the face, but my anger drains away like blood from a slit throat. I'm about to break. My next question comes out in a whisper, like if I'm quiet enough no one will answer it.

"W-Why? W-Why don't you want me?"

"I've been seeing someone else. Someone better for me. Someone I need."

"How could you do this to me?"

He sneers at me, eyes cold. This is NOT my Beck.

"How did you not see this coming? Its not just everyone else you treat like shit, its me. ME! After everything we've been through, after everything I've done for you, you still treated me like an unwelcome guest in your life at best. At least you were a good fuck, otherwise I might have tossed you sooner! With Cat, I know where I stand. I know she wants me as more than a toy."

"Beck, please..."

"Don't, Jade. It's over. Get out."

There's nothing "about to" about me anymore, I'm breaking. I can't even feel disgust for how weak I sound. Lips quivering I barely get out my sentence without crying

"But I live here..."

"Not anymore."

He reaches behind his couch and pulls out a huge dufflle-bag by the strap and flings it at my feet. I'm too far gone to even think about picking it up.

"I don't have-where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't know and I don't care."

I stand there, stock-still, staring at him, willing this to all be a bad dream, some twisted nightmare brought about by too many horror movies.

But it's not.

Beck walks over and picks up the bag, then kicks his door open and tosses it outside. When I don't move to follow he grabs my arm roughly and shoves me out the door, slamming it behind him.

"I don't care where you go, as long as you go the hell away, Jade!"

I stand there in shock for several minutes, before I even realize that its raining. Its raining and its cliche and I don't care. My mind scrambles around for anything to help deal with this pain, anything to help me makes sense out of what just happened.

But there's nothing.

Finally, numbly, I pick up the bag that holds all of my worldly possessions and start walking down the rain soaked road. I don't know where I'm going, my feet move automatically while my brain tries to process the betrayal.

Cat and Beck, Beck and Cat.

It takes a few moments but I feel myself saying something, over and over.

"Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it..."

I stop myself.

No one can fix this.

Its irreparable.

No one can fix this, not even...

And it hits me even as I turn the corner on to her street. There was only one place I could go, only one person I could turn to, one person who might help me and I had unknowingly brought myself to her.

Tori Vega.

Soaked I pick up the pace and soon I'm standing in front of her door. The lights are on and the house looks welcoming, warm, safe. I knock on the door. I can hear footsteps and suddenly I'm blinded by the light from inside.

When my eyes adjust I can see her. Her eyes take in everything in seconds, my soaked clothing, my shivering, the tears I hadn't even felt myself shedding, and finally the dufflle-bag.

"Jade..."

Its a whisper but there's so much concern in her voice and in her eyes...

Seconds later, she's holding me despite how wet I am and I'm fighting back sobs while I try to tell her everything.

End Notes: For the record, I actually like Beck but he has to be a jerk for the purposes of this story. Anyway, tell me what you think, like it/hate it, wanna strangle me for hurting Jade so badly? Just hit the review button :) More soon. Peace, KKKG