EARTHQUAKE '02!
A parody news report by DJ Flipstar X
Yes, there was a small earthquake on May 13, 2002, in San Jose, California. It happened at about 10 PM, and lasted a few seconds. Believe me, it was small-5.2 measurement. The strongest part made my bed shake, but that was it. I can't believe some people freaked out about it. Someone even asked me about an aftershock. Talk about paranoid! Anyway, this news report is loosely based on Mad TV's Windstorm '97 episode, so yeah, this is supposed to be funny. This is also my first fic, and I don't own Mad TV, so don't sue. This is only for fun, and it's my first fic. Flames welcome.
EARTHQUAKE '02!
9:55 PM
Announcer: We interrupt this broadcast for an emergency bulletin.
(Scene shows a reporter (DJ) and a female reporter (Diana).)
DJ: Scientists have predicted that, at 10 PM, an earthquake will occur. We have Diana here, who can tell us what to do.
Diana: First, we must get prepared. I hope you are ducking under a table right now, or standing under a doorframe, as this will be very serious.
DJ: Let's zoom to Suzy, in San Jose, CA. Suzy?
(Scene switches to the middle of San Jose at nighttime, where a woman (Suzy) is standing in the middle of the street.)
Suzy: Yes, as you can see, San Jose is not doing anything for this earthquake. How stupid are our citizens? After all, this will be one serious earthquake, and will cause much damage. I'm going to try to find some shelter, such as that gas station mini-mall.
(Walks to store)
EARTHQUAKE '02!
(Inside store, we see groceries and an old man (Jerry) behind the counter)
Suzy: Excuse me, but did you know that there will be an earthquake at 10 PM tonight?
Jerry: Yes, and I am prepared for the worst. I am going under this counter right now. You can stand in that doorway. (Goes under counter)
Suzy: (Goes to doorway)
(Back at our station...)
(DJ and Diana go under a table)
DJ: 5...4...3...2...1...NOW!
10:00 PM
(Earthquake occurs)
EARTHQUAKE '02!
DJ: Okay, we are alive, but there might be aftershocks, so let us wait.
(A few minutes later...)
Diana: Let us crawl out now.
(They crawl out from under the table to find no obvious damage.)
DJ: Oh shit Diana. Our pen fell from the table. It almost hit us.
Diana: Yes, we could have lost a lot of vital brain cells.
DJ: Let's go to Suzy, and see the extent of the damage there. Are you okay, Suzy?
EARTHQUAKE '02!
(Zoom to Suzy in the doorway)
Suzy: Yes, I am fine. I am going to check on Jerry, our gas station worker. (Walks over to Jerry) Are you all right?
Jerry: (Crawls out) Yes, I'm fine. Oh crap! (Walks over to one aisle, with Suzy following him. They see a plastic bottle of maple syrup on the ground, contents spilling on the floor.)
Jerry: This bottle fell when the earthquake hit, and now I have lost one bottle of maple syrup!
Suzy: How much was that bottle?
Jerry: $2.19.
Suzy: As you can see, viewers, Jerry has lost one bottle of syrup. A very serious situation indeed. Jerry, is it possible that someone could slip on the syrup's contents, fall, and break their head?
Jerry: Yes Suzy, anything is possible now.
Suzy: Let's look at the damage outside.
(Goes outside)
EARTHQUAKE '02!
Suzy: Look, there is a small crack that was not there before. The earthquake has caused it.
DJ: (from a radio) Suzy, is it possible that the crack will widen all the way to Hell and the devils from Hell will come up and kill us all?
Suzy: Yes DJ, anything is possible now.
EARTHQUAKE '02!
HELLSWARM '02!
End
Don't sue me! Please review!
A parody news report by DJ Flipstar X
Yes, there was a small earthquake on May 13, 2002, in San Jose, California. It happened at about 10 PM, and lasted a few seconds. Believe me, it was small-5.2 measurement. The strongest part made my bed shake, but that was it. I can't believe some people freaked out about it. Someone even asked me about an aftershock. Talk about paranoid! Anyway, this news report is loosely based on Mad TV's Windstorm '97 episode, so yeah, this is supposed to be funny. This is also my first fic, and I don't own Mad TV, so don't sue. This is only for fun, and it's my first fic. Flames welcome.
EARTHQUAKE '02!
9:55 PM
Announcer: We interrupt this broadcast for an emergency bulletin.
(Scene shows a reporter (DJ) and a female reporter (Diana).)
DJ: Scientists have predicted that, at 10 PM, an earthquake will occur. We have Diana here, who can tell us what to do.
Diana: First, we must get prepared. I hope you are ducking under a table right now, or standing under a doorframe, as this will be very serious.
DJ: Let's zoom to Suzy, in San Jose, CA. Suzy?
(Scene switches to the middle of San Jose at nighttime, where a woman (Suzy) is standing in the middle of the street.)
Suzy: Yes, as you can see, San Jose is not doing anything for this earthquake. How stupid are our citizens? After all, this will be one serious earthquake, and will cause much damage. I'm going to try to find some shelter, such as that gas station mini-mall.
(Walks to store)
EARTHQUAKE '02!
(Inside store, we see groceries and an old man (Jerry) behind the counter)
Suzy: Excuse me, but did you know that there will be an earthquake at 10 PM tonight?
Jerry: Yes, and I am prepared for the worst. I am going under this counter right now. You can stand in that doorway. (Goes under counter)
Suzy: (Goes to doorway)
(Back at our station...)
(DJ and Diana go under a table)
DJ: 5...4...3...2...1...NOW!
10:00 PM
(Earthquake occurs)
EARTHQUAKE '02!
DJ: Okay, we are alive, but there might be aftershocks, so let us wait.
(A few minutes later...)
Diana: Let us crawl out now.
(They crawl out from under the table to find no obvious damage.)
DJ: Oh shit Diana. Our pen fell from the table. It almost hit us.
Diana: Yes, we could have lost a lot of vital brain cells.
DJ: Let's go to Suzy, and see the extent of the damage there. Are you okay, Suzy?
EARTHQUAKE '02!
(Zoom to Suzy in the doorway)
Suzy: Yes, I am fine. I am going to check on Jerry, our gas station worker. (Walks over to Jerry) Are you all right?
Jerry: (Crawls out) Yes, I'm fine. Oh crap! (Walks over to one aisle, with Suzy following him. They see a plastic bottle of maple syrup on the ground, contents spilling on the floor.)
Jerry: This bottle fell when the earthquake hit, and now I have lost one bottle of maple syrup!
Suzy: How much was that bottle?
Jerry: $2.19.
Suzy: As you can see, viewers, Jerry has lost one bottle of syrup. A very serious situation indeed. Jerry, is it possible that someone could slip on the syrup's contents, fall, and break their head?
Jerry: Yes Suzy, anything is possible now.
Suzy: Let's look at the damage outside.
(Goes outside)
EARTHQUAKE '02!
Suzy: Look, there is a small crack that was not there before. The earthquake has caused it.
DJ: (from a radio) Suzy, is it possible that the crack will widen all the way to Hell and the devils from Hell will come up and kill us all?
Suzy: Yes DJ, anything is possible now.
EARTHQUAKE '02!
HELLSWARM '02!
End
Don't sue me! Please review!