Tony stood in the doorway, unable to enter the pale pink room any further. His eyes flitted from the empty crib in the far corner to Ziva's sobbing form just beside him. She sat, knees curled in tight to her body, just beside the door frame.
"Ani Mitzta'eret Aleigha, Ani Mitzta'eret." She sobbed. Tony couldn't say a word, not even to comfort his distraught wife. He couldn't cry, he couldn't move. Gibbs arrived behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Tony? Maybe I should…?" He asked awkwardly. Tony moved aside slightly so Gibbs could pass him.
"Я убил ее Gibbs! Я убил Aleigha!" She sobbed as Gibbs knelt beside her and encased her in his arms.
"Тссс, не у вас нет. Все это не ваша вина." A single tear slipped down Tony's cheek. His wife had now completely shut him out. Talking in every language he couldn't understand. He felt Abby's hand encase his while McGee's hand went between his shoulder blades and suddenly, he couldn't breathe. He basically sprinted out of the apartment, down the stairs and out into the street. He faced the sky, ignoring the pouring rain, because of course, it had to be raining, and screamed. People stopped and stared at him, a few gasped at the public display of such horrific emotion, but he didn't care. As he sobbed to the heavens and his lost future.
"Aleigha!" He screamed with all his might before collapsing to his knees, sobbing and hyperventilating. "Why?" He whispered over and over again until he was hoarse and could speak no more. Ziva sobbed in Gibbs arms as he sent Abby to make coffee and Tim to find Tony.
"Tony?" Tim whispered as he laid a hand on his back. "Tony, it's okay."
"Okay?" He screamed, facing his partner with a fire in his eyes that even the heavy rain couldn't extinguish. "How is ANY of this okay? I buried my daughter today! My wife hasn't spoken to me since she was born! I got to hold my daughter for THREE MINUTES before she DIED! My baby girl." And then he fell apart, openly sobbing in his friends arms in the street.
Upstairs, Gibbs had been thrown out of the nursery by a distraught Ziva and was stood in the kitchen with a quietly crying Abby.
"What do I say Gibbs?" Abby murmured, nursing her mug of coffee, her left hand rubbing the swollen six month bump she'd been trying to hide all day. "I don't know what to say to them." Gibbs kissed the side of her head before kneeling beside her.
"There's nothing you can say Abs. Loosing a child…nothing anyone says makes it better." He patted her knee before getting up and leaning against the door frame once more.
"She won't talk to me." The two men were now sat on the curb, neither having said a word for minutes. "It's like she's completely blocked me out. I don't know what to say. What do I say?"
"I don't think there's anything you can say Tony. She'll talk to you when she's ready. For now, you've just gotta, be there." Tony scoffed through his slowly ebbing tears.
"How can I be there for her, when I'm falling apart at the seams? I can't bare being strong anymore Tim. I wanna curl up in bed, go to asleep and never wake up again." He shuddered with the force of the sob that echoed into the night air. "I still remember the look in Zi's eyes when she found out she was pregnant." He smiled sadly. "She was so happy. The whole nine months, she was so careful. Did you know that she signed herself off active duty? Ziva, my Ziva, put herself on desk duty. Can you believe it?"
"Not really." Tim replied softly.
"But she did, 'for the best of the baby' she said. She was so careful. So careful. I guess…" He paused, before getting up and dusting himself off. "Something's just aren't to be." He walked quickly back into the apartment complex and took the stairs three at a time while Tim struggled to keep up.
"Where's Ziva?" He asked slightly breathlessly, as he marched past both the very stunned people in his kitchen. "Ziva?"
"She hasn't moved Tony." Gibbs started after him when he marched towards the nursery. "Be gentle Tony, she's in pain too." Tony practically ripped the door from its hinges as he pulled it open.
"Ziva?" She rolled her eyes from the empty crib up to meet him.
"Yes?" She asked quietly, tiredly, tearlessly, by now she had no more tears to give.
"I don't blame you Zi." With that simple statement he collapsed beside her as she gripped his dripping wet shirt and sobbed fresh tears into his shoulder.
"Tony…"
"I know. I know." He whispered. "I miss her too." As lightning split the sky and the couple held each other in the room all set for a baby that wasn't going to arrive home, Tim, Abby and Gibbs slipped silently from the apartment, locking up behind them and posting the key back through the letter box, they needn't be disturbed tonight.
Many hours later, as the rain slowed and dawn's light was just starting to lighten the sky, Tony gently unhooked the small pink blanket, the first, and only, that their daughter had been wrapped in, from Ziva's hand and squeezed both her and it tightly.
"Mummy and daddy will never forget you. Sweet dreams Aleigha. Goodnight Princess."
Author's Note-I know, I know, I'm horrible, but it wouldn't leave me alone.
Translations-"Ani Mitzta'eret Aleigha, Ani Mitzta'eret"-I'm sorry Aleigha, I'm sorry"-Hebrew, "Я убил ее Gibbs! Я убил Aleigha!"-"I killed her Gibbs! I killed Aleigha!"-"Тссс, не у вас нет. Все это не ваша вина."-"Shhh, no you haven't. None of this is your fault."-Russian.