All's Quiet on the Western Front.....Sort of.
By:
Little one.....
MWHAHAHAHA!
Announcer: It was a quiet day in Tokyo, City, Tokyo. The birds singing, the bee's humming and rabid groupies chasing Antonio Banderas in frantic circles. Serena was walking down the street.
Serena: hmm hmm....wait a second!
Announcer: What?
Serena: I don't wanna be dic...er....dubbed! I wanna be Usagi!
Announcer:Well you'll have to ask the director.
*Serena stalks over to the directors chair and the two have a fight throwing candy marshmellows at each other*
Director: Ok ok, it's Usagi. Sheesh.
Usagi: Thank you.
Announcer:ANYWAY....can we get back on the subject?
Usagi: Sure. Hmmm, I wonder what Mamo:chan is doing?
* switch to Mamoru's apartment. He is trying on a corset. He turns in front of a mirror.*
Mamoru: This does absolutely nothing for my figure, I think I'll try on the blue one.
* picks up the blue one and puts it on.*
Chibi-Usa: No, that's the wrong color. Let's try pink.
*Mamoru winces but puts on the hot pink corset.*
Mamoru: I really don't think it's my color.
Chibi-Usa: Oh just put it on wimp!
Mamoru: Oh all right.
*squeezes in and Chibi-Usa pulls the strings tight.*
Chibi-Usa:There. Now...where is that tape?
*Hunts around the room until she finds a huge roll of duct tape. She tapes pillows on Mamoru's chest.*
Mamoru: Oh...do you think I need a push-up bra?
Chibi-Usa: Nah.
* Mamoru skips to the corner of the room and picks the slinky red dress off of the chair. Then he giggles and slides it over his head.*
Mamoru: I just feel so naughty!
*Pulls a black wig over his head.*
Chibi-Usa:Now for the makeup.
* slaps on bright red lip stick, false eye lashes, mascara, sparkly eye shadow and enough rouge to make a clown blanch.*
Mamoru: Are you sure I look all right?
Chibi-Usa: You look fine.
Mamoru: I guess we should get going then huh?
Chibi-Usa: Pitch your voice a little higher.
Mamoru: Like this?
Chibi-Usa *under her breath.*: Sounds like Minnie Mouse.
Mamoru: What?
Chibi-Usa: Beautiful....
* They start to walk out of the apartment and meet Usagi at the door.*
Usagi: Ummm, do I know you?
Mamoru: Tee-hee.
Chibi-Usa: This is Mamoru's new girl friend. Georgette.
Usagi: What? Hey! Mamoru is mine you two timing little pillow!
Mamoru: Tee-hee!
Usagi: Is that *all* she can say?
Chibi-Usa: Her mother dropped her on the head when she was a baby. Isn't that right Georgette?
Mamoru: Tee-hee!!
Usagi: Hmm. Gotta admit. She is kinda cute.
Mamoru: Oh rally. Tee-hee!
* scene change to Negaverse. Kunzite, Prince Diamond and Sapphire are standing at one mirror and brushing their hair.*
Kunzite *whining*: Diamond...Sapphire is getting in the waaay. Now I can't see my illustrious seeelf!
Diamond: Sheesh, will you move so Kunzite won't start crying again?
Sapphire: Why don't you move?
Diamond: Because I am so handsome I must bask in my presence! SO there!
Sapphire: I'm cuter!
Diamond: Are not!
Sapphire: Are so!
Diamond: Not!
Sapphire: So!
Kunzite: WAAAH!!!! I can't see myself! WAAH!
*The three begin to argue. Emerald comes in.*
Emerald: Will you stop? The king wants to see you.
Diamond: Really? Last time you said they were having a Barney marathon!
Sapphire: An' before that you said it was the ice cream man!
Kunzite: And before that you said it was.....*sniffle*....was.....*sniffle.*
All three: Leonardo DiCaprio in person! Waaaah!
Emerald: Would I lie to gorgeous men like you?
* the men look doubtful but leave.*
Emerald: Hah! Suckers!
*walks over to the mirror.*
Emerald: Oh no! My skirt is three inches above the knee! It's supposed to be five. Oh well. Mirror, mirror on the wall, show me my kidnappees, Emerald's calls!
* The mirror silvers then fuzzes and shows Marilyn Manson.*
Manson: No! Not you again!
Emerald:Sing for me baby.
Manson: Fine. * Pulls out a banjo and plucks out 'Barbie Girl' while singing the song ' Female dog' in a Jim Carrey voice.*
* Sapphire comes in.*
Sapphire: Oh Emmy.
Emerald: What?!
Sapphire: The King wants to see you Emmy!
Emerald :Yeah right! Don't call me Emmy!
Sapphire: Don't say I didn't warn you.
Emerald: Does he think that I'll fall for that? Continue my baby bunker bubber boo!
Manson: Oy.
King: PIIIII:KAAAAA:CHUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
* Emerald is zapped by a bolt of electricity.*
Emerald: Coming sir!
*Races out of the room.*
Rei: Come on Minako!
Minako: Oh. But I can't come out! I can't find my favorite red hairbow!
* Rei looks in a drawer filled with red hair bows.*
Rei: How can you tell the difference?
Minako: This is the one I used to defeat that naughty zombie monster with in Russia.
Rei: Ahhh.
Michiru: Isn't she ready yet?
Rei: Nope.
Haruka: I'm bored.
Michiru: Hunny bunny?
Haruka: Yes, snuggle buggle?
Michiru:Wanna go in the back seat and play doctor?
Haruka: I've got the medical texts.
* they giggle and race toward the car.*
Rei: Ooook.
Minako: Found it! C'mon! Lets go to the ice cream shop.
Rei: I thought you were trying to lose weight Minako.
Minako: Well, to lose it I have to gain it right?
Rei: If you say so.
* Scene change, a playground in Midgar.*
Yaten:Where are we?
Ryouga: Lost.
Chibi-Chibi: Chibi!
* runs towards the swings.*
Yaten: Why did I let you lead the way?
* A blond guy with a spiky hair style walks by and picks up a shiny orb thing.*
Cloud: Uh-oh. My spidey senses are tingling!
Yaten: Mine too...
Ryouga: Could this be....
All: The third star light?
* cheesy music in the background.*
Cloud: Ummm...my name is Cloud Strife....who are you?
Yaten: I'm Yaten, he's Ryouga and that's Chibi-Chibi.
Chibi-Chibi: Chibi?
Ryouga: Here.
*Tosses Cloud a golden stick.*
Cloud: What is this?
Yaten: Just raise it into the air and shout pretty lady star maker planetary customary brought to you by Pepsi and Oreos power make up.
Ryouga: and don't forget to take a breath afterwards.
Cloud: Okey dokey. Pretty Lady Star Maker Planetary Customary Brought to You by Pepsi and Oreos Power Make Up!!!!
* There is a flash of light and Cloud is now a female and in Star light uniform.*
Cloud: No! What happened! Noooo! I don't waannna be the girll agaaaiiiinnn! Waaah!
Yaten: What do you mean again?
* Vincent walks by.*
Cloud: Oh! My bat radar is going off.
Yaten: Could that be...
Ryouga: Possibly...
All:the twelfth sailor scout?
Vincent: I have a feeling I should be very afraid about now.
* Turns around and runs away.*
Yaten: You can't run from destiny!
*Takes off after him.*
Ryouga: Think of all the lives you would be destroying!
* Follows Yaten.*
Cloud: Yeah! Get back here! If I have to do it...so do you!!!!
* Follows Ryouga.*
Chibi-Chibi: Chibi-Chibi!
* Follows Cloud.*
Vincent: Ahhhhh!
*Scene change. Ami's room.*
Setsuna: Nice fish. What are they...pirahna?
Makoto: Why don't you stick your hand in there and find out?
Setsuna: You're just angry because I'm just so cooler then you.
Makoto: You wish!
Ami: You're having an argument.
Hotaru: Yes...we can see that Ami-chan.
Setsuna: I have a staff.
Makoto: Oh really? And I thought you were a girl. Silly me!
Setsuna: You're going to pay for that.
Ami: You're going to fight.
Hotaru: Ami....never mind. Hey...where are the cats?
Makoto: I think they went to visit their friend Oscar something.
* scene change. A bar in Seattle. A pink haired girl enters as well as a taller black haired girl. They walk up to a guy with so many earrings he looks like a walking soda can.*
Frank: Hello, doll.
Chibi-Usa: Hello Beans. I've brought my friend Georgette this time.
Frank: I hope she likes to tango.
Mamoru: Tee-hee!.
Frank: My name lady is Frank N. Beans.
Mamoru: Tee-hee!.
Frank: Let's party! DJ the music!
E.T.: Okay Franky baby! One hip hop hopeless Macarena rip off comin' right off.
* Two men in white coats are dragging Mulder off.*
Mulder: See!!! It'S A ALIEN! A ALIEN I TELL YA!
Guy 1: surrre.
Guy 2: We believe you. You just relax now!
*scene change Negaverse*
King P: Pikachu.
Ash *in monotone*: He says he wants to do something evil.
Emerald: What else is new?
King P: Piiiikachu!
Ash: He says you shut up.
Diamond: What do you want, oh great Pokemon.
King P: Pika! Pika! Chu!
Ash: He says he has a job for each of you. Diamond you are to create a monster for the Sailor scouts to trash.
Diamond: Yes oh wise and glorious one... can I get a new mirror too?
Ash: Just get outta here.
Diamond: Yes mommy!
Ash: Sapphire you have the job of standing on your head until the blood runs from your ears.
Sapphire: Yes sir!
*snaps off a salute and bonks himself in the forehead.*
Brock: Are you ok? K? K?
Sapphire: Yeah, I just hit my head. Nothing vital there.
Misty: You got that right.
Ash: Emerald...you are to baby:sit King Pikachu's nephews.
Emerald: and who are they?
Ash/Brock/Misty: The Teletubbies!
Emerald:NOoooooooOO!!
Ash: Kunzite. Pikachu has something really evil in mind for you.
King P: Pi Ka Ka Ka Ka Ka!
Ash: He says...Mwahahahaaaa!
* scene change. The star lights have finally caught Vincent and are trying to get him to transform.*
Yaten: Please?
Vincent: No!
Ryouga: I'll get you a nice present.
Vincent: Just stay away!
Cloud: Don't make me hurt you!
Vincent: Yeah right! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: Oh shut up.
* Chibi-Chibi walks up and tugs on Vincent's cloak. When he looks down she gives him a hang dog face with tears filling her eyes.*
Chibi-Chibi: Chiiibi. Chibi?
Vincent: Fine....you're just so cute. Yes you are.
* Ryouga gives Vincent a bottle of nail polish.*
Vincent:....
Ryouga: Open that and say....*takes deep breath* Final Fantasy Cross Over Major Copy Right Infringement Cutie Honey Gaaah Star Power Make Up.
Vincent: Oook. Final Fantasy Cross Over Major Copy Right Infringement Cutie Honey Gaaah Star Power Make Up!
* There is flashing lights and when the transformation is complete, Vincent is still a guy with a leather jacket, blood red shirt, leather pants and boots.*
Cloud: That's not right!
Vincent: Hey! Not too shabby. What are my powers?
Yaten: You just stand there and look cool.
Vincent: I can deal with that.
Cloud: I demand to see the person who thought this up!
Yaten: Sorry...that's classified.
Ryouga: Anyway Vincent your group is called the Sailor Hangarounds. There are three of you. The other two should be on this planet somewhere.
*Suddenly Reno runs by being chased by Sephiroth wielding the Masamune.*
Cloud: I'm getting visions...
Yaten: Could they be...
Vincent: Do you guys do this a lot?
Ryouga: yes.
Yaten: Anyway.
Cloud * whiny*: But my halter top is chafing!
Yaten: Can we please get back to the script?
Cloud: Fine. But I'm gonna buy some baby powder the next stop.
Yaten: Could they be...
Ryouga: The last scouts?
* Sephiroth stops chasing Reno and they face the Starlights.*
Sephiroth: Hey Clod! Your epidermis is showing!
Cloud: It is?
* blushes*
Cloud: Excuse me. * turns around.* Hey!
* The others sweat drop*
Ryouga: Think fast.
* tosses a can of hair spray to Sephiroth and a can of assorted nuts to Reno.*
Sephiroth: What do I do with this?
Ryouga: Press the button and say...wait a minute why do I always have to say it?
Yaten: Ryouga this is not the time or the place to get into it.
Ryouga: But....but....I want my Akane!
* Curls his hand in his hair and begins sucking his big toe.*
Yaten *sighs*: Sephiroth, say... Ancient insane weirdo who likes to wreak havoc and whose powers are provided by the friendly happy people who work at AT&T Star Power Make Up!
Sephiroth: Gee...thanks. Ancient All Powerful Humble Ruler Who Has Really Cool Hair and Wreaks Havoc On Any Mortal Who Dares To Cross His Path Star Power Make Up!
* Cool lights surround Sephiroth and when the sequence is complete he is dressed much like Vincent except in entirely black.*
Yaten: Well whatever works.
Cloud: You mean you could make up your own phrase thingy! That's no fair! How come I get a stupid one! Waaah I'm telling my mommmy!
Sephiroth: Um, Clod, your mother's dead.
Cloud: Yeah! Well your mother wears army boots.
* Sephiroth rolls his eyes.*
Yaten: Reno...you say. Mixed Nuts Star Power Make Up!
Reno: Really Cool Turk That Women Drool Over Star Power Make up!
* drunk looking lights. When the sequence is complete he looks like the other two except in white.*
Yaten: Why don't anybody like my transformation things?
Ryouga: Now my halter top is chafing! I wanna go home!
Yaten: all right...ya big baby! Who wants to stop for ice cream on the way home.
Cloud: Oh me! Me! Me!
Vincent: Well we're to cool for ice cream. But we'll get some to make you guys feel comfortable.
Sephiroth/Reno: Yeah.
Cloud: Thanks... your so nice to me....wait a minute! I'm becoming sugary! I've been Aerised ed whatever! AHHHHH!
*runs in circles.*
* Scene change. Transylvania.*
Diamond: Ahh. This is perfect place for my monster. New Ager Arise!
NA: Oh...ok... but I really would like to finish listening to my nature CD. Then I have to consult my tarot and pray to the goddess.
Diamond: Does the phrase 'get a life' mean anything to you?
NA: No.
Diamond: Thought not... Well go destroy something.
NA: That's creative destructivity. It improves hand/eye coordination.
Diamond: Whatever. Look, I have a recital to go to.
NA: Really, you dance?
Diamond: Yep. I'm gonna be the Sugar Plum Fairy in the New York Ballets production of the Nutcracker.
NA: Ouch.
Diamond: You're telling me! Wanna see my costume?
NA: Sure.
* Diamond runs off in the woods and comes back wearing a white tutu with white tights point shoes and a tiara.*
Diamond: You don't think it's girlish do you?
NA: No you're just getting in touch with your feminine side.
* Diamond dances away and the monster begins destroying stuff.*
* scene change in the bar.*
Frank : Are you havin' fun?
Mamoru:Tee-hee!.
Frank: Cool!
Mamoru: Uh oh! My spidey sense is tingling.
Frank: Eh?
Mamoru: Don't worry. I just have to go face a monster, throw a rose at it and disappear. Be back in a moment.
( Scene change Transylvania. NA is destroying Rainforests and cruelly flicking monkeys out of sling shots.)
Usagi: Moon Prism Power Make Up!
Ami: Mercury Star Power Make Up!
Rei: Mars Star Power Make Up!
Makoto: Jupiter Star Power Make Up!
Minako:Venus Star Power Make Up!
Hotaru: Saturn Planet Power Make Up!
Setsuna: Pluto Planet Power Make Up!
Haruka: Uranus Planet Power Make Up!
Michiru: Neptune Planet Power Make Up!
Chibi:Usa: Chibi Moon Power Make Up!
Chibi-Chibi: Chibi-Chibi Moon Power Make Up!
Yaten: Healer Star Power Make Up!
Ryouga: Fighter Star Power Make Up!
Cloud: Hey wait! I shouldn't have to do this! I want to speak to my lawyer.
Sephiroth: Clod, you don't have a lawyer. Your renegades remember. You're the bad guy.
Cloud: Oh yeah. Wait a minute! You are.
Sephiroth: I am what? Perfect I know.
*preen preen preen*
Cloud: Uhhh... yeah.... whatever. What was I gonna say again?
Sailor Star Healer: You....
Cloud: Oh lookie! Cheese curls!
*Begins chasing a bag of flying cheese curls followed by Sailor Moon and Sailor Venus.*
Sephiroth: Hmph, puny mortals.
* Begins gazing at his reflection in his Masamune.*
Vincent: I don't have to do this. I'm cool.
*strikes a pose. The remaining senshi shake their heads.*
NA: C'mon aren't you gonna fight me? Please.
Mars: See we would but we don't have the entire group.
* a girl in a red dress appears and throws a rose at the monster.*
All: Mamoru??!?!?
Mamoru: Tee-hee!. Ooooh! Cheesy poofs!
* begins chasing the errant bag of poofs.*
Pluto: Aww, but I wanna have a battle and look cool! Waaaah..... Neptune-chan tell them to stop screwing around!
Neptune: Sorry but me and Uranus are gonna play checkers!
Jupiter: Eh?
Uranus: The R rated kind.
* All sweat drop suddenly something catches Neptune's eye.*
Neptune: Yummy! Cheesy Curls! Yaaay!
* begins chasing after the bag.*
Uranus: Come back....ohhhh Ding:dongs!
*runs the opposite way.*
Sephiroth: I need a drink.
Reno: You said it.
Jupiter: My old boy friend!
* Glomps on the monster.*
NA: Gurrrg! Back! back you crazy thing!
Mars: He's mine!
Venus: I want him!
Pluto: I don't really want him but I wanna beat the general tar outta someone dag nabbit!
Jupiter: Alright then girls....lets fight.
Yaten: Oh brother.
Ryouga: Oooh...wow! Lookie!
*points to a shopping mall across the road.*
Yaten: Does that sign say what I think it does?
Ryouga/Yaten: A clothing sale! EEEEE!
* the two run toward the mall at top speed. They collide with the cheesy poofs and get tackled. Meanwhile a wondering merchant has set up a bar. Sephiroth, Reno and the Monster are sitting there downing martini's, watching the cat fight and discussing general evil deeds.*
Sephiroth: And zen...heeee...there was a time that I killed Areissssseses with my swordie!
* he laughs and reels in his barstool.*
Reno: I did vors...er wors....er purse. WHoooo starssss loke attt dem.. Make's me wanna dance!
NA: Shall we gentelmannnnn and ladies and purpliele things?
* The three jump onto the bar and do the funky chicken. The monster falls off the bar and dissolves into ciders on the ground."
Reno: ooooooh sparkly. I so cocoooool!
Sephiroth: Am not. I am cooool and powerful and about to fall and go boom boom on my head.
* falls off the bar.*
Mamoru: Sephi-sama tee-hee!!
Sephiroth: Gah! Keeple Awale. *Picks up a bar stool and throws it drunkenly. It misses Mamoru by a mile and conks Vincent upside the head.*
Vincent: Hey now, was that nice? * Takes out his gun and began shooting at the floating pair of bunny slippers that are hovering over his head.*
Mars: ummm...guys...the monster is vanquished. We can all go home now.
* Everybody slowly leaves and the place is empty. A leaf falls to the ground and explodes in a violet light. From that explosion a door opens. Reno, who is still dancing spots it and comes closer. He is promptly run over by a insane couch followed by equally insane men. One with a bone in his beard. The other holding a electronic thumb. Reno jumps on the couch.*
Reno: Wow. What a riiide. I'm going faasst. I wonder if this flight comes with free beer. Yummy.....alacahol..mmmm.
* scene change, in Usagi's room. All the senshi minus Reno are there including the cats and a gigantic termite the outers are using as a throw pillow.*
Usagi: Well that was interesting.
Ryouga: I didn't get my clothing!
Cloud: I didn't get my cheesy poofs.
Sephiroth: I see a yelllow elephant sitting in my living room!!
Yaten: Don't mind him, he's drunk.
Setsuna: I wanted to fiiiiiigggghhhhht!
Rei: Oh stop whining.
Vincent: I am just amazed at the absolute coolness of myself.
Ami: You're arrogant.
Hotaru: Vincent....get over it. You'll never be as cool as me.
Michiru: Yeah, they both got a chest as flat as an ironing board.
Hotaru: Hey! I resent that!
Haruka: You mean you resemble that remark.
Luna: Guys....
Artemis: I feel like a cat nap.
Makoto: I wanted my old boyfriend!
Minako: So....anybody wanna play the new Sailor V game?
* Everyone knocks Minako over the head with a mallet. She blinks.*
Minako: I guess that's a yes!
* Scene change, the Negaverse. Kunzite is looking horrified at what King P wants him to do.*
Kunzite: But...but....that's just wrong!!!!
Ash: Do it!
Kunzite: Yes sir.
* Runs away*
Minako: Awww.. I don't wanna do this anymore.
Makoto: Do what?
Minako: I don't wanna watch this! I wanna watch Jeopardy
Makoto: Je opardy?
Minako: Yeah, Alex Trebek is a real hunk!
*All facefault*
~Fin~
Disclaimer: I own nobody in this fic. Every body knows who owns em..... I am not making any money...so bee-daa.