I was on MySpace and Facebook and came to a vast realization that I really hate Skinny Jeans. Rachel encouraged me to write this. and well, here it is.

Dedicated to Rachel and to all the boys who know how to dress.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


The evening had been a blissful one for the Ross family; Doug was outside shooting hoops in their driveway, Tess and Kate were filling out the invitations for their upcoming sixteenth birthday party and Carol was making soup for dinner. She had just dropped the final spices into the boiling pot and was covering it to simmer as she listened to the twins gab about their day at the breakfast nook. Tess was pulling at one of her long brown curls, "So, Greg wore skinny jeans to school today."

"Right," Kate nodded thoughtfully, signing another invitation, "so now you find him totally odious."

"Wait," Carol interjected, wiping her hands on a dish rag, "I thought you liked Greg. Didn't he take you to homecoming, Tess?"

"I did like him, until he wore the most horrendous fashion statement on the face of the earth." She explained with an eye roll. Carol just grinned and settled in for one of Tess' rants. Tess was the more out going of the twins and far more rebellious like Doug, Kate took after her mother and often kept her sister from doing things that would get them in trouble.

"Seriously, Mom," Kate explained, "it starts with skinny jeans, the next week they're wearing eyeliner and changing their MySpace facts to bisexual. I don't care what they are but I ain't going out with nobody who wants to borrow things from my closet."

Carol snorted and wiped the tears that formed from laughter as Tess elaborated, "Katie's right, Ma, the real kicker is the guys that wear skinny jeans down at like their knees, then a pair of basketball shorts, and their boxers peaking out on top of those. I mean, if I wanted to go out with a clown, I'd go to the circus."

"And if he gets a triangle tattooed somewhere on his person," Kate added, "he's gonna have to come with an instructional pamphlet."

"For real," Tess agreed, "every sharpie drawn tattoo on a boy's arm makes me want to draw circles on my hands."

"Wow," Carol took a deep breath, "so what is a good style for guys to wear?"

"I dunno," Kate shrugged as she twirled the pen between her fingers, "Jeans that are loose but not so loose I can see that they have a hairy butt."

"Seriously, Dudes, Twilight sucked, don't be a werewolf." Tess butted in.

"Exactly," The girls did a high five and Kate continued, "Tees are okay as long as they have nothing stupid on them like 'I pooed' and a picture of poo. I really don't get the joke."

"Band tees are better, unless the band sucks." Tess rolled her eyes as she braided Kate's hair out of habit, "I mean really? Since when is screaming so bad you trash your voice a music style?"

All she could do was watch while her daughters ranted. Kate picked up where Tess left off, "A flannel is good but for the love of all that is holy, wash the darn thing on occasion. It shouldn't be able to stand up on it's own."

"Converse for shoes. Sometimes cowboy boots, depends on who it is." Tess added and Kate nodded her head, "I mean, that's just an example, but skinny jeans is not a good look and skinny jeans meeting gangster is even worse."

"Seriously," Kate tucked a loose curl behind her ear, "in the forties didn't the gangsters like wear suits and fedoras and stuff? Al Capone would shoot up the Bloods for the crap they wear these days."

"You guys sure are opinionated," Carol wiped her tears and went to get the french bread from the oven, "not a clue who you take after there."

"Yeah, right." They spoke in unison as the garage door opened and Doug walked in. He tossed the ball over by the coat rack and kicked off his Nikes before tightening the draw string on his basketball shorts. Tess looked at Kate before they spoke again, "See, Daddy knows how to dress."

"What?" Doug asked as they slid off their stools and went to wash their hands. He wrapped his arms around Carol's waist and kissed the back of her neck as she cut the bread, "What on earth were they talking about?"

"Oh nothing," Carol shrugged and grinned devilishly, "They just want to date men like their daddy."

"No," Doug's voice rose and octave, "No way. I mean, what's wrong with that Greg boy that Tess was seeing, he was nice!"

All Carol could do was laugh and pray her daughters weren't too hard on the boys in skinny jeans.