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Chapter I

When Cat and Andre invited Tori to a party earlier, she had been very hesitant to accept. 'Don't you worry, Tor,' Andre said, 'we'll protect you. Ain't that right, Cat?' That was his answer to Tori's concerns about never having gone to a party — to a 'teenage' party, where alcohol, drugs and sex were sure to be present — ; that and a wave of his hand. Cat just sent her a reassuring smile and a little nod.

Tori had never gone to a party before; though she had been invited to several ones. And it had never been a problem, and it wasn't. But for some time she had been thinking about going to one — and it made her feel pretty obsessive to think like that about such a simple matter. After all, growing up means experimenting, from a certain point of view. And in her time at high school, she hadn't done so much experimenting. It wasn't as if someone was pressing her to do anything. It was just curiosity.

So she accepted. She agreed to finally go to a party with her friends; with her very close friends Cat, Andre, Robbie — Rex, too? — , Beck and Jade. Well, maybe not Jade, but the other guys were friends.

What she hadn't agreed to was going all alone to the famous party. But she hadn't agreed to Andre picking her up, either, even if she had thought so. Andre just sent his 'Whr r u?' message and confirmed that she was supposed to go by herself. Not that it was terrible news, since it was only a couple of blocks away from her house. But as she walked to the place, she couldn't stop thinking about being alone at the party, trying to find her friends. She couldn't stop thinking about what lay ahead of her in the fresh night. And nervousness bulged up in her stomach inevitably.

Her mom knew the party would be away, and Tori would have to spend the night at someone's house. Andre told Tori to say that to her, just in case she didn't like the idea of her youngest daughter spending the night at a party. And though Tori didn't want to get drunk or anything, she had opened her mind to a night of experimentation, so she didn't know what would happen. The only thing she had thought to be a good option to end up doing if things went crazy was giving up resisting her urges to take Beck and kiss him. Because she had already endured too long, trying to seem good and supportive to Jade and all 'I don't want to do that to a friend' to Beck.

The truth was she wanted him, and she was willing to wait till things changed and they could finally have their time, or at least until she was assured that that wouldn't happen. But if she got drunk and let him make moves on her, at least she would erase her doubt and still get away with it using her over-drunk state as an excuse. Now she just needed him to actually make a move on her.

Her step slowed slightly when she started to hear a loud beat from afar, and though she couldn't see where it came from yet, she could feel her stomach start to bubble up. Tori shook her head and smiled readily just as a house with colored windows came into sight. People was out in the front garden, talking and drinking, and a strong smell of tobacco floated in the air. The door was wide open and inside more people was dancing and shouting things to each other over the music.

Tori relaxed considerably when she realized she was barely noticed amongst so many people, and decided to explore the crowd looking for familiar faces. She went through what seemed to be the main living room, to a smaller room. The only furniture around were couches and chairs, a gigantic TV and a sound system with lots of big speakers. She walked as close to the walls as she could, through a narrow path lined by random people, scanning every face and gaining several questioning stares in return. She reached one of the corners of the room and saw Jade West sitting on a couch all alone — as much as it's possible to be with so many strangers around. She went over, sat down next to the pale girl and smiled with a loud 'Hi!'

Jade looked around with a slight frown, which went away when her eyes met Tori's. 'Oh! What's up, Vega?' she said, arching her eyebrows and smirking in a gentler manner as was usual on her. 'So, you're really here, huh?' She said it so normally, that Tori almost didn't hear her. She answered with a simple nod.

'You know where the others are?' shouted Tori. For a portion of a second a disappointed expression seemed to go over Jade's face, but it was so fast that Tori thought she had imagined it. Jade shrugged and looked ahead, at the wall of people. Tori contemplated her for a moment, noticing how nice she looked, all black-and-white as usual. She really was beautiful. And it was intimidating. Her black hair was all to one side and left exposed her profile, so Tori could see up to her ear; her plain cheek, the curve of her nose and the natural arch drawn by her eyebrow pushed Tori's sight to Jade's left green eye. She looked down at her pouty mouth, and concluded Jade was beautiful—like that, in italics—, and that, compared to Jade, she was just an average girl.

In Tori's opinion, every girl had some beauty in her, it only took her own kind of boy to make it come out. Some girls were up to more boy's beauty-standards than others, but they were all beautiful in their own way. And the same thing worked for men. Unfortunately for Tori's self-esteem, she realized Jade's beauty was nicer to the eye than hers. Jade, with her pale skin, beautiful looks and shitty ways, was more able to conquer a guy like Beck than Tori. The fact that she could think of having her way with Beck was permitted only because he had grown sick of standing Jade for such a long time. So, in a way, she should thank Jade for breaking up with Beck. She should thank her for being his girlfriend in the first place, for spending more than two years as such and for being so overbearing that they had to break up to keep a healthy relationship between them. Otherwise, the lone thought of seeing Beck as more than a friend when Jade was in the picture was just ridiculous.

Jade turned to her and tilted her head to the side, eyeing her curiously; and they shared a moment in silence before Jade asked her if she wanted to go look for the others. 'They went to get drinks hours ago,' she said. 'They should be around.'

Tori just shrugged in response, not really wanting to leave their spot. 'Are you in a good mood?' she said after a moment. 'You're not as snappy as usual.'

'Shut up,' snapped Jade, going closer to her usual self—though not quite, for she still kept her friendly smile on. 'I don't know, this night looks like it'll be a good one.' Tori wondered for a second what she meant, but dismissed it. 'But what about yourself, Vega?'

'What about me?'

'Well, are you up for a fun night?' asked Jade. 'Or you came here only for a dance? Because, trust me when I tell you: even Cat gets to—'

'I'm up for a fun night,' interrupted Tori, with an easy-going smile. She leaned onto Jade so she wouldn't have to shout and the pale goth looked directly into her eyes from very close.

'Good,' articulated Jade's mouth without any hearable sound. Her green eyes lowered and her head shook disapprovingly. 'You got no drink, Tori. What's with that?'

'Just arrived.'

Jade glanced at her own glass, swallowed the rest of her drink and jumped from the couch, taking Tori's wrist with her; and, since her wrist is attached to her arm, Tori found herself following a moment later. As Jade opened them way through the crowd, Tori felt her nervousness — and it had disappeared while talking to Jade — grow again in her stomach. It's just alcohol, a voice said in her head, can't be that bad.

'In this parties with so many people you have to be quick to get the drinks, so that the queue doesn't get too long, y'know?' Jade turned her head over her shoulder, but Tori still could barely hear her. 'What will you have?'

'Oh!' said Tori surprised. 'Um… I don't really know.'

'Sure,' giggled Jade turning around, and Tori had to wonder if Jade really was in a very good mood or if it was just the alcohol — in which case, drinking wouldn't seem as such a bad idea. They entered a dimmed kitchen and Tori could finally hear her own thoughts. 'Come,' said Jade tugging her along, for she had stopped to look around them at the less-crowded room. They walked to a table-like island in the middle of the place. On it were lots of bottles of many colors and sizes, and Tori felt kind of stupid for not knowing what was in each, as if she had skipped the class in which everybody had been taught about it.

Jade laughed again and Tori noticed she was looking at her. 'What?'

'Don't worry,' she said, still smiling. 'You'll know about this. You know, once you grow up.' Tori raised an eyebrow at her: this was still Jade West. 'I'm serious, we'll protect you.' Tori blinked at that. 'Now,' Jade continued, reaching for a bottle of clear liquid, 'you always have to know what you're given. This'-she wiggled the bottle in Tori's face-'is Mrs. Vodka. You've heard of her. Say hello.'

'Um… Hello?'

'Nice! So, since you're new, you won't have much. But if I serve you something later, you take care. I'm too sober now to try anything.' With that said, Jade took a glass out of nowhere and poured a quarter of it with Mrs. Vodka, then reached for a nearby orange juice and filled the drink. Tori's mind replayed Jade's last comment curiously, but was interrupted. A pale hand presented the red plastic cup to Tori and she took it slowly. 'Be very careful, Vega. Mrs. Vodka looks as clear as nice cold water, but it likes to beat you as a rock of ice to the head: you just don't notice it until you're on the floor.'

While Jade prepared her own drink, Tori got distracted for a second, giving her glass a quiet sniff to find it scentless. 'You shall not have it tonight,' said Jade, moving her own cup around, 'but you might as well try it, anyways.'

'Thought it was bad to combine.'

'It is,' nodded her pale face. 'But you won't have a cup. You'll have a sip.' Jade looked at her and signaled her Mrs.-Vodka-filled cup with an expectant glance. Tori looked down at it, took a deep breath, and a quick little sip later.

Orange, she thought. It's just or— she then felt the slight burn in her throat, a bitter taste plagued her mouth, though it wasn't bad. It went down, leaving a weird sensation in her tongue. She took another sip and found it almost tasty. 'Mmm,' Tori let out through the ghostly heat that remained inside her mouth. 'Not half as bad as I thought,' she continued.

'Well, that's Mrs. Vodka. Now let me introduce you Little Johnny.' Jade passed her the other glass and Tori raised it, more confident now, taking a bigger sip than the last one. The bitter taste, now familiar, came back and punished her with a cough attack. Jade just giggled at that, taking back her cup. '"Johnny" is Mr. Whisky's nickname, and this is Jade West's drink. You should be more respectful.' Tori nodded in silence and gave her a left-handed thumbs-up, her eyes still watered a little. 'Now come.'

They walked out, wrist-in-hand, through a different door, turned left, right and left again, and came out to a garden full of people. Tori lost sense of space the moment they parted from the drink-island inside, but was relieved to feel the fresh air hit her when they came into the open. 'Whose house was this, then?' she asked. Jade shrugged and kept walking, seeking their friends.

Tori spotted them sitting on a large bench in a corner when Jade tugged her in that direction. In the middle of the metal bench was Cat, singing along to a song that could barely be heard from where they sat, Robbie — Rex-less — was talking to Andre next to the redhead, and Beck was sitting on the left armrest, talking to a girl. Jade threw herself on the empty spot next to Cat and Tori fell next to her, so that Beck's ass was on her face. 'Um… Hello?' she said sarcastically to her left and focused on the conversation that Cat had started when Jade fell down beside her.

'—didn't think she'd want to this early,' she was saying to Jade. 'What did you give her?'

'A vodka,' answered Jade. Cat narrowed her eyes. 'What? I said I'd help, didn't I?' She turned to Tori and said 'Go on, Vega. Tell her it's a rookie-levelled drink. I even introduced them!'

'Tori!' Andre appeared from behind Robbie's nape and jumped over to them. 'How you doin'? Want a drink?'

Tori wiggled her cup in front of her. 'Got one.'

He made an impressed reaction, took the plastic cup and gave it a sip. 'A good one, huh? I'd bet it's Jade's. Has her touch.' Tori just nodded as Jade directed her I-told-you-so remarks to Cat. Andre gave the cup back and Tori drank a bit, getting accustomed to the taste and sensations that came within. 'That's my chica. Pretty good, right?'

'Is not so bad.'

'Hope you don't throw it out later, 'cause you'll hate all this if that happens,' said Jade next to her. It didn't help Tori's nerves, and neither did her other friends' nods.

'It doesn't always happen the first time,' intervened Robbie. 'My first time drinking I woke up on my bed without knowing how I got there, but I didn't throw up.'

'Yeah, but when you throw up the first time you hate it for a while,' said Andre.

'Well, obviously.' That was Cat. 'What he means is it doesn't have to happen tonight—'

Tori got distracted and, without wanting to, focused on her growing anxiousness. Her friends kept arguing about how bad it was to throw up from drinking, but she didn't hear them. She looked at the grass and wondered how long it would take for her to be in a party without being the center of her friends' teaching. It was uncomfortable. She wondered if it wouldn't be better for her to quit her stupid 'experimentation' and just settle with what she had at hand's reach. She didn't need this. All this drinking and getting wasted was needless. Why would she need this?

'Don't over-think, Tori.' She looked at Jade next to her and wondered if it hadn't been her imagination who had just talked. 'It's living. Enjoying. So, enjoy yourself.' Their friends were still arguing with each other, but neither Jade nor Tori were listening. 'I'll tell you when it's enough, 'kay? They will be on the floor in a couple hours,' she nodded to the others, 'but I don't like doing it, so I'm the one who'll watch over you.' Tori smiled slowly as she understood what Jade was telling her. 'I'll watch over you, even if I don't want to. Just 'cause no one else will.'