No Rose Without Thorn

Part One

Part one of most likely three chapters. I'm experimenting with this fic- it's my first attempt at writing the ninth Doctor and doing first person. I'd be grateful if you could tell me how I get on! Hope you enjoy. Part two should be coming in a couple of days.

Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me

I was in complete shock as I walked back into the TARDIS, holding the Doctor's hand. He hadn't said anything yet since he came back after my Dad had… killed himself, and I wasn't sure what I wanted him to say. I'd just effectively lost two of the most important men in my life in the space of a couple of hours. And I wasn't sure I could take it.

"I… I'm gonna go…" I muttered, gesturing uselessly towards the inner corridor of this extraordinary time ship,

"OK," the Doctor said, turning to the console and readying the ship to dematerialise, "Get some sleep, yeah?"

I nodded weakly before scurrying off down the corridors to where my room was. Usually, the TARDIS changed the corridors so the journey wasn't as long but who knows what she'd do after what I'd done today?

Would the Doctor ever forgive me? I wondered desperately. I'd shouted in his face, making him leave me at Dad's flat and I'd effectively brought about the end of the world. The whole world could have been destroyed just because of my selfishness. Only a few weeks ago, he'd called me the best in front of Adam. I wondered if he'd still think of me in the same way.

Finally reaching the door of my bedroom, I paused in front of it, resting my head on the cool, smooth wood. I was such a failure. The Doctor would probably want to take me home for good tomorrow and I couldn't bear that. I love him. I don't know how long I have done but this feeling just kept on increasing every time he took my hand or grinned that manic smile. I know its unrequited love though. He'd never love me back. Why should he?

Breathing deeply to try and stop the hot tears building behind my eyes, I opened the door expecting to find my bedroom behind it. Instead, however, I discovered a gym of some sort that was completely empty of equipment except for the punching bag swaying gently in the middle of the room. It was exactly what I needed.

Murmuring a quiet thank you to the TARDIS, I stepped over to it and pushed it to start it swinging slightly. I thought about every stupid thing I'd done today and curled up my fist before sharply hitting it. It swung back towards me and I punched it again, trying to rid myself of the self-loathing I had trapped inside me. Images of today's events kept flashing through my mind's eye- when I yelled at the Doctor; when he was so cool towards me afterwards; when that Reaper consumed him; when I had to watch my Dad die for the second time right in front of me… I kept hitting the bag to get rid of the memories. My breathing was harsh as I panted from exertion and attempted to swallow the lump in my throat, and my whole body was trembling from rage and sheer disappointment in myself.

"You're doing it wrong."

Suddenly, the Doctor was by my side, watching me intently.

"You're holding your fist wrong," he went on to explain, "Your thumb should be on the outside of your fist, not inside. You could break it by having it clenched inside."

Silently, I adjusted my grip, finding it odd to punch like that but knowing that the Doctor was probably right. I found it really disconcerting the way he just stood there and watched me, not saying a word. Was he really disappointed in me? Was he trying to think of the best way to tell me he was taking me home?

After a few moments, he moved in front of me and held the punching bag in his large hands so I was now pummelling a much firmer surface.

"That's it," he murmured, his blue eyes fixed on mine, "Keep going; keep punching hard. Get it all out."

I did as he told me, pummelling harder and harder, imagining it was him I was hitting as my anger began to grow rather than lessen.

"Why did you let me do that?" I asked him, furiously, "Why didn't you stop me? Why couldn't you have just said no the first time I asked?" My voice had risen to a shout and sweat was dripping off me, "I could have ended the whole world just 'cause I'm so selfish. I killed my Dad again- he had to die to save everyone from my stupid mistake. Why did you make me go through that? Why, Doctor, WHY?" I started hitting him weakly on the chest as I screamed obscenities and questions at him but he didn't react. Instead, he just slowly placed his arms around me as I sank to the floor in a heap, tears falling from my eyes.

For a while, he just let me cry into his jumper and clutch onto his familiar worn leather jacket with both hands. He didn't try to pat my back or whisper comforting words into my ear like people stereotypically do when faced with a hysterical person in their arms. He just sat there, letting me cry my fill until I was done and simply sniffing in his arms. Then, he handed me a hanky and told me to dry my eyes and blow.

"Right then, Rose Tyler," he spoke as soon as I was ready,

"Please don't take me home!" I begged, "I'm sorry!"

"I'm not going to take you home," the Doctor relied, surprising me, "You made a mistake."

I raised my eyes to meet his. "But… but you threw Adam out. What I did was much worse," I said sadly,

"Different perspectives," the Doctor shrugged, "Plus, I never really liked Adam anyway. Too pretty."

Despite my misery, I let a watery smile cross my lips.

"And you said you were sorry," he continued, "Twice now. You've learnt your lesson and that's good enough for me."

I hardly dared to believe it. Was he really suggesting that everything was OK between us, despite what I'd done? "Th… thank you," I stammered, "But why are you forgiving me? I nearly caused the end of the world! You should be throwing me out!" I couldn't look at him anymore and tears were beginning to fall down my cheeks again.

Two cool hands cupped my cheeks and made me look the Doctor in the eyes. I could barely look at him, expecting to see disappointment in those beautiful blue eyes but, instead, I saw care and, for some reason, pride.

"Rose, why are you crying?" he asked simply, his thumbs gently wiping away my tears.

I swallowed heavily. "Because you're so disappointed in me," I whispered honestly, my voice cracking, "An' I'm so disappointed in myself."

The Doctor grinned; not his normal manic one when something was going his way but a genuine caring one. "There, you see?" he asked, "That's why I'm forgiving you. Because you know you've done wrong and you're sorry about it and disappointed in yourself. That's the difference between you and Adam. He was trying to worm his way out of trouble when he got caught- do you remember? He attempted to blame me so I took him home. He wouldn't learn from it but you will. You already have, do you see?"

I nodded slowly as best as I could with his hands still cupping my cheeks.

"And I'm not disappointed in you," the Doctor continued, "Anything but. Well, OK, maybe I was before at your Dad's flat but I'm not now. In fact, I'm proud of you."

I smiled weakly, not really knowing what to say.

"Anyway it was partly my fault," he then said, "You were right. I shouldn't have taken you there. It wasn't fair on you and I'm sorry."

My mouth dropped open. He was apologising to me?

"But the thing is, Rose Tyler," he said, one of his hands beginning to caress my cheek, "Somehow you've wormed your way into my hearts and I'm finding it more and more difficult to say no to you. And that's not good. It's making me do potentially devastating things but I'm still doing them even though my brain is screaming no because you, a little slip of an ape, asked me to and my hearts cry out yes. Do you see what you do to me?"

I couldn't help it. My single human heart was bursting with love for him after all that he'd done and said during the past half an hour or so, so I leaned up and gently touched my lips to his. To begin with, he seemed a bit shocked but within seconds his lips were furiously working mine. After a few moments, I ventured my tongue out, prodding at his closed lips which he immediately opened. I then had the pleasure of learning the taste of the Doctor's mouth while he learnt mine. It wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced before which reinforced the idea that he was so uniquely alien. This didn't faze me, however, and I liked the taste, eagerly taking in more before the kiss broke for need of air.

We were both panting heavily and I leant my forehead on his shoulder while his arms curled protectively around me. I don't think either of us could speak for a few moments; not just because we were out of breath but also because of the enormity of what we'd just done. We'd crossed the line dividing close friendship and lovers.

"Doctor," I whispered eventually, plucking up my courage and praying I was doing the right thing, "I love you."

I felt him squeeze me tightly which reassured me and boosted my confidence. "I love you too, Rose," he murmured, pulling gently at my head for another kiss, "That Dalek was right."

So, that was that. The Doctor and I were two fools in love and we wouldn't have it any other way. The next few weeks were brilliant. I shared the Doctor's bed nightly and he always made a special effort to be there and hold me close when I went to sleep and when I woke up again if he didn't stay the whole night. We made love for the first time a few days after admitting our feelings and it was so perfect I can't describe it. Our days were spent enjoying each other's company and sharing snatched kisses in between running for our lives from the aliens that the Doctor (and myself on one or two occasions) had just severely managed to piss off.

It was a fantastic life and I loved it. But then everything changed with the arrival of a certain Captain Jack Harkness.

Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received