I stormed out of the room and rounded the corner, angrily knocking over the umbrella stand before thundering up the stairs.

"Blood traitor, abomination, shame of my flesh!"

I hoped the others heard the shrieks, heard how my mother already remindeds me daily that I'm not good enough. At least she said it upfront. Merlin's beard, anything was better than their painfully delicate suggestions to stay home.

I slammed the door as I reached Buckbeak's room, halting mid-step as he stirred at the noise. Buckbeak nipped affectionately at my sleeve, but I shook him away, continuing to mindlessly pace across the room in my anger.

How dare the Order tell me, Sirius Black, who spent twelve years brooding on how much I hated Voldemort and the backstabbing twerp Pettigrew, to stay here while Mundungus Fletcher traipsed about selling stolen cauldrons all summer? How dare they expect me, one of the Order's best duelers, to keep the fires warm like a house-elf, while Bode put everyone in danger by succumbing to an Imperius curse on duty? I would've resisted it, easily.

"Sirius?"

I jumped in surprise mid-stride across the room. Remus hesitated in the doorway. I realized my mother had stopped screaming.

"Turning into Dumbledore, are we?" asked Remus. "You used to make fun of him for pacing when we had the map, you know."

"Well Dumbledore wasn't locked away in his office now, was he," I spat. "He could come and go as he pleased, but no, he spent so much damn time pacing in his damn office."

The smile slid of Remus' face, leaving it worn-out and weathered. "Sirius, come off—

"DON'T YOU DARE ACT ALL TIRED AND DEFEATED LIKE YOU'RE SO IMPORTANT."

"Siri-"

"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO BE A GOOD BOY, MR. PERFECT PREFECT, WHILE YOU'RE OFF FINDING OTHER WEREWOLVES AND I'M BACK IN AZKABAN."

A silence fell over the room as I glared at Remus, still heaving from yelling. Remus, who had recollected a calm expression, returned my stare.

"….Seriously, Sirius?"

I continued to glare at Remus for several long moments, then chuckled in spite of myself.

"Remus, that was never funny and you know it."

"Well, you should know well enough by now of my knack for lame jokes, Sirius," said Remus. "And likewise, I know well enough by now that your short temper is always short lived."

Remus began to back out of the doorway. "Molly's having dinner ready in an hour. I expect you'll come down."

I sat down next to Buckbeak after Remus left, moodily stroking his feathers. Yes, I would come down for dinner, but only because Molly suffered the Grimmuald Place kitchen after meetings solely for my benefit- they would probably much rather return to the Burrow than stay in this hellhole.

I felt a twinge of remorse for yelling at Remus. I knew the Order only kept me from important assignments in concern for my safety, but, frankly, I don't care about my safety. After being dead to the world for twelve years, I'm not daunted by real death. Sure, the Order would miss me, but they all got over my imprisonment easily enough last time, they would be fine if I died, hypothetically—although I know I could evade ministry capture anyway. I don't care a bit whether I live or die … except for Harry.

Yes, I would stay alive for Harry, stay put uselessly like Kreature.

But would Harry really want a godfather who is as useless as me?

I resolved to break out as soon as possible.