Title: The Bad Bite
Author: Lawlita
Rating: Umm … I'm hesitating a lot about this. But I'll stick with T. If you're still a sensitive soul, don't read what's coming up.
Summary: Bella singing "The Bad Touch" (remix, Twilight style) to Edward. Yes, it's kind of a mix between her trying to convince him to transform her into a vamp, sexual innuendos and her thinking that she already IS a vampire (something's wrong with her bong).
Author's Note: Written during one of my many moments of bonker-ness. I was doing my assignment when suddenly the Bloodhound Gang song "The Bad Touch" went on, and um … yeah.
Disclaimer: Twilight characters aren't mine. Umm, how to tell you ... You know Stephenie Meyer? Yeah … HER. "The Bad Touch" is from the Bloodhound Gang so original lyrics are from them. If you've never heard of the song, GO LISTEN TO IT, I crap you not. You definitely have to check out the lyrics.
"The Bad Bite"
Interpreted by Bella Swan
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ha-ha! Well now, we call this the act of biting
But, there are several other important differences
Between normal vamps and the Cullens that you should know about
- -
I'd appreciate your input
- -
Bite baby, bite baby, blood is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Emmett'd sing about
So sink your fangs in my throat and I bet you'll feel nuts
Yes you're gorgeous, yes you're a hottie and you're getting two thumbs up
You're so sick of human blood you want it tough, I'm out of bounds
I want you thirsty, want you hungry just like Jake and his hash browns
Come quicker than his speed, always reach me on time
You are inclined to make me rise an hour early to avoid the day's sunshine
- -
Do it now
You and me, baby ain't nothing but hot vamps
So let's do it like they do it on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Do it again now
You and me, baby ain't nothing but bloodsuckers
So let's do it like they do on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Getting' horny now
- -
Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost thongs Alice gave me only God knows where I stuck it
Werewolf Codes? Let me be specific, I wanna be in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Huge Craft Advisory"
But if Jasper tries to calm me down I'll surely give him a kick in the balls
Please turn me on, I'm Mrs. Latte with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Teeth Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it vampire style so we can still watch Buffy
- -
Do it now
You and me, baby ain't nothing but hot vamps
So let's do it like they do it on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Do it again now
You and me, baby ain't nothing but bloodsuckers
So let's do it like they do on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Getting' horny now
- -
Do it now
You and me, baby ain't nothing but hot vamps
So let's do it like they do it on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Do it again now
You and me, baby ain't nothing but bloodsuckers
So let's do it like they do on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Getting' horny now
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Author's Note: I'm sorry if certain passages offended you, but don't tell me I didn't warn you!! Hope you guys found this funny, I'm telling you, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. Yes, Bella has some serious problems –giggle- but she's totally awesome.
PS – EDWARD FANS ASSEMBLE!! -cough-
Review please. :)