To Build a Home

I built a home for you, for me. Until it disappeared from me... from you.

...

Arizona
"You're doing amazing, sweetie. C'mon, one more push!" I encourage Callie in the final throes of labour. She's squeezing my hand so tightly that it's going to be bruised for weeks, but I don't care. In just a few moments, our baby is going to be here. I thought I'd freak out. You know, faint or throw up or something. But, I'm actually just beyond excited to meet our little miracle.

Right after the hospital shooting; that's when we decided we were going to have babies. When I realised I couldn't be without Calliope or our children. We spent a year of married bliss together before searching for sperm donors. Since she'd be carrying my egg, we decided to look for somebody with a similar background to Callie's; Mexican, college educated, kinda tall, Christian.

The IVF worked first time around. We were so lucky. When the pregnancy test came up positive, we danced around the house to 'You Make My Dreams' by Hall and Oates, ordered pizza and sat around searching through catalogues for nursery ideas. It was the simplest celebration, but will always be one of my happiest memories.

With one final push, Callie screams out in pain. When her body finally untenses, I look over to the tiny human in Karev's arms. She's so little, she can't be more than 6lbs.

"Congratulations, guys," he says, in typical Karev fashion. "It's a girl."

"Oh, Callie, she's perfect!" I sob with happiness. I kiss my wife's temple and stroke her cheek. "I'm so proud of you," I say, placing two quick kisses on her mouth. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she says, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"She's super tiny; 5lb 12oz," Karev says as he wraps our daughter up in blankets and hands her to me. "But, she's got some lungs on her!"

When she's in my arms, the crying subsides pretty quickly and she starts to make gurgling noises as I bounce her gently. I look down at our beautiful little girl and beam at her, happy tears rolling down my cheeks. I've never known love like this. I kiss her little button nose before handing her to Callie.

"Isn't she wonderful?" I say, helping Callie wrap her arms around her.

"I love her so much, already," Callie says, grinning at me. "Hey, Little Goose," she says, gently, giving her all of her attention.

I place my hand on Callie's arm and fawn over our baby with her. This is, without a doubt, my happiest day of all. I know that these moments of perfection will stay with me for the rest of my life.

"Arizona," Callie says, quietly, bringing me out of my thoughts. I manage to tear my eyes away from our daughter and look at Callie. All the colour has drained from her face. She can barely keep her eyes open. "Take the baby," she manages to breathe out. I scoop the newborn up in my arms and hold her close to my body. As I do, Callie's head drops to the side and she enters a deep slumber. My eyes widen. I'm frightened. What's happening to her?

"Alex," I choke out, trying to get his attention. My happy tears have turned to anxious ones. I stare at Callie, willing her to wake up. Then, I look at the lower end of the bed. There's blood. So much blood. More than usual for a birth. There's a lot of movement around me but I can't really focus on what's going on. I feel a pair of arms surround my daughter and I. I don't know who they belong to, but they're ushering me out of the room as Alex rushes to help Callie.

...

Various people have tried to prepare me for the worst. It's likely that Callie won't wake up again. She doesn't have a lot of time. Even with a blood transfusion. That's what they've told me. But, I know she's strong. She can fight this. Please fight this, Calliope. We need you.

"We didn't decide on her name," I say, taking her hand. I'm sitting next to her hospital bed with the baby in one of my arms. "I need to know her name, Calliope," I say, desperately. "Please wake up... Please don't leave me," I beg through the tears.

"S-S-Sof..." That's her voice. She's awake! There's a glimmer of hope in my chest.

"Callie?" I say, hopefully, squeezing her hand.

"Her name... Her name is Sofia," she manages to get out.

I smile at Callie, letting a short, relieved laugh escape, then I look back to the baby. "She really looks like a Sofia."

"I-" It's hard for her to speak. I look back to my wife with concern. "I love you both so much," she whispers, before closing her eyes once more.

"Callie," I stand up and shake her with my free hand, but she won't wake up. "CALLIE!" I scream, but there's still no response. "CALLIE, WAKE UP!"

But, she can't wake up. She's slipped away.

My entire body goes numb. Somehow, I manage to keep hold of Sofia. Mark appears as if from nowhere and catches me as I drop to my knees. He lets me sob, holding us both securely.

...

Alex
Arizona looks like a shell of her former self. She watches the baby have her final checks through the glass divider. I don't say anything, I just stand next to her and watch the baby, too. Arizona's not really here. Her head is somewhere else.

"What the hell happened?" She says in a way that makes me unsure of whether she's talking to me or herself. She seems completely spaced out. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" She screams, turning to face me. She's not angry with me. She's not angry with anyone. She's heartbroken. This is grief in its purest form.

"We don't know," I say, defeated. "She just..." I search for the right words, but they don't come. "The blood wouldn't stop," I say, living the whole experience in my head again. "We did everything we could," I say, honestly. "I'm so sorry, Arizona."

"I know," she says, her voice breaking. "I know you did..." She's trying to catch her breath, but is failing miserably. She looks back at the baby and then back to me. "Alex, I can't do this by myself," she says, finally breaking down.

"Hey, you don't have to," I say, pulling her into a brotherly hug. "You've got me, you've got Mer, you've got Mark, you've got just about everyone in this damn hospital," I say, adamantly. "You're not alone in this. Do you hear me?"

Arizona
I sob into Alex's shirt. I can't comprehend what's just happened. It was supposed to be simple enough; the baby is born, we go home, we build our life together. We had everything planned perfectly. Even Sofia did! She came exactly when she was supposed to. Only five per cent of babies are actually born on their due date, and she was one of them. I don't understand how things went so wrong.

I have gained and lost the loves of my life all in one day.

I am a widow. I am a single mom.

How did this happen?