Finally a SwanQueen fic from my quill. This is set after the events of Camelot and deals with Regina's path to become the new savior and the forgotten memories about what occured in Camelot. As I obviously can't know much about what happened there - oh I wish I could take a peek at the season's script - I will make things up as I go - so bear with me. So here it is, first chapter. This is a rather long chapter, usually they will move somewhere around the 2000 word count (which is roughly half of this one).

Enjoy and leave me your thoughts and suggestions :)

- np

She couldn't believe it. She stared at the test in her hand that showed her a little smiling face. Strewn across the bathroom floor were several more, all of them depicting the same result. There were more of the smiley faces, several with two lines and even some with a plus. Ultimately, they all said the same: She was pregnant. What had happened in the almost three months they'd been away? What had happened in Camelot? She was barren, had inflicted the condition on herself in a fit of rage for her mother. She had been in a dark place then and never even thought anymore about the possibility of having children. There was no room for love in her heart after Daniel. She didn't want to think about children if he wasn't there to raise them with her. Oh and how this 'decision' had gotten back at her years later in Storybrooke. She had wanted a child so desperately. This new perfect world had been supposed to be her happy ending. All she found was even more loneliness than before. She was so hungry for love. For someone who would always been hers to love and would love her back unconditionally. She'd adopted Henry a while later. And now? Now she was pregnant? What kind of sick joke was that supposed to be? How would she explain to her child that his or her cousin was also their half-sibling? She sat down on the rim of the bathtub and cradled her face in her hands. This was seriously messed up. Not to forget that she was supposed to be the fucking savior nowadays. Everyone depended on her to safe Emma and Storybrooke. Regina sighed. She needed her memories back. And she needed them yesterday.

"David?" Snow called out for her husband when she entered their apartment with little Neal in her arms.

"Hey. Back already?" David came out of the bathroom and quickly pecked her on the cheek before taking Neal out of her arms and rocking him in his strong arms.

"Yeah, I suppose I am. It started raining and I didn't have an umbrella for me or even Neal." She watched as their baby boy's eyes drifted closed in his father's arms. "Do you have any idea where Regina is? Robin couldn't reach her and he can't get away from the forest right now, he's busy helping Arthur and his men getting settled in."

"Did you try to call her?" David looked up from his peacefully sleeping son and into his wife's beautiful green eyes. He was glad both Emma and Neal had inherited them.

"I did. So, any idea?"

"No, unfortunately not. Maybe she's asleep? The last days were kinda rough, you know. Suddenly everyone is looking up to her for help and at the same time they're still wary of her and point at her every time something bad happens." He saw the frown on his wife's face deepen. It was endearing how far she and Regina had come over the last year. They had been enemies and now they were somewhat friends. Hell, he knew how surprised he was himself about the deal he had come to care about the former Evil Queen.

"Yes, you're probably right. Still, I think I'm gonna go and check on her. Maybe she needs some company."

David nodded. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I've got it. You stay here with our little prince." Snow gave him a sweet kiss and smiled. "I'll shoot you a text once I am at the manor."

"Regina?" Snow had rang the bell and even knocked several times at Regina's front door. Impatiently she had just tried the door a little later and found it unlocked. It was unlike Regina to leave her door unlocked if she wasn't at home. So, either the woman was here somewhere and ignored the person at her doorstep intentionally or something really bad had happened. "Regina?" she called out again, going from room through room. The last room she checked downstairs was her study but Regina wasn't there either. Snow hesitantly walked up the stairs to the first floor – she really didn't want Regina to accuse her of snooping around but what was she to do?
"Regina?" Snow walked into what she assumed to be the mayor's bedroom. The bedroom was empty but the door to the en suite bathroom was slightly ajar and light was shining from it into the bedroom. She quickly hurried to the bathroom door and pushed it open all the way.

"Oh god, Regina!" she exclaimed when she saw the older woman sitting on the bathtub, her head in her hands, surrounded by at least twenty pregnancy tests. "You're…"

"Pregnant, yes. Sharp of you to notice." The mayor straightened herself and ran a hand through her hair. "I…" she began but stopped again, not knowing what to say. "I don't know how… This shouldn't have happened…"

Snow didn't say anything, just sat down next to Regina, softly placing a hand on her shoulder. Eventually she started rubbing the woman's stiff back, the two of them just sitting in silence.
"Aren't you… happy?" Snow asked after a while, disrupting the silence.

"I don't know. Yes? No. Well, maybe?" Regina's voice was a whisper, barely there, but Snow still heard her.

"Robin's going to be over the moon once you tell him," Snow said, hoping it would cheer the other woman up.

"Will he?" Regina asked, bitterness lacing her voice. "He… we broke up last night. I, I was the one to end it."

"But why?" Snow was more than just a little surprised at the news. What had happened? "You were perfect for each other."

"I don't know if I would call it 'perfect'," Regina mumbled, her voice breaking. "My sister is expecting his baby. She will always stand between us this way, she and the child both. And that isn't even all of it. He talks in his sleep, Snow. He calls out for Marian every night. He is still very much in love with his dead wife. I should have recognized it once he left me for her. And it wasn't even the real her. Her face alone was enough to pull him away. I was just a useful substitute."

"I didn't know, Regina. I am sorry." Snow took the older woman into her arms, offering the comfort she would never ask her for but was obvious she needed. It didn't take long for the first tears to leave the dark brown eyes and fall onto her shoulder. Soon, Regina was sobbing in her arms, clutching her shirt in her hands. And Snow let her cry, just holding her. The bond between her and Regina had never been an easy one but she knew they both cared about one another a lot. They were family.

"David?" Snow called her husband a little later that night. She had managed to get Regina to eat some vegetable soup and ushered her into bed afterwards. It had taken some time, but now Regina was finally asleep.

"Snow, I was wondering what took you so long. Did you find Regina? You didn't write it in your text."

"I did. I'm going to stay here tonight, David. She needs me. I will explain to you tomorrow. Give Neal a kiss for me?"

"Will do. I hope Regina is alright."

"She will be. Eventually. She ended things with Robin. I promise I will tell you all about it in the morning. Love you."

"I love you, too, Snow. Good night."

"Good night."

Snow closed her phone and quietly tiptoed back into Regina's bedroom. She straightened out the covers again and stroked over the woman's dark hair. "It'll be alright, Regina. You and the baby both will be."
Then she laid on top of the covers next to her and wrapped an arm around the sleeping Regina, finally allowing her own eyes to close for the day. Regina would not have to do this alone. She had her now. And David and Henry. Even Belle. She had been surprised to see a tentative friendship form between the two women, but then, they had a lot in common. They both were avid readers – no book was safe from them. They both cared for Rumpelstiltskin in ways no one else in this town would ever understand. And Belle already loved one 'monster'. She wasn't one to judge people; not even those who'd wronged her. She was glad those two had found a kindred soul in each other.

"Regina?" Snow woke up next to the still sleeping witch to someone's frantic voice. She quickly but carefully scrambled out of the bed and closed the door behind her, hurrying downstairs, taking two steps at a time. She found Belle in the hallway, her dark blue eyes panicky.

"Belle? What happened?"

If the other woman was surprised to find her in Regina's house, she didn't mention it. She looked like she had other things on her mind anyways. "I need Regina, Snow. Rumple is getting worse, there's only one petal left." She motioned to the glass she was carrying. Almost all the petals had fallen from the rose and were magically floating through their container.

Snow gasped at the sight and was about to run up the stairs and wake Regina when the woman in question appeared behind her, clad in her silk pajamas and a long cardigan.

"Belle?" Regina looked at her friend and immediately noticed the enchanted rose in her trembling hands. 'No,' she cursed in her mind. 'You do not fucking get to leave her Rumple. I am not letting you go.' She rushed to her friend and wrapped her up in a fierce hug. "Don't worry, sweetie. He doesn't get to die today. Not on my watch."
Then she turned around to Snow and gave her a warm smile, mouthing a silent 'Thank you'. Snow nodded at her, mirroring Regina's grateful smile with one of her own, before the woman disappeared on the spot. When the purple smoke finally cleared, neither Regina nor Belle were there. Snow figured Regina had teleported the two of them to Rumple's side.
She sighed and retrieved her purse from the kitchen before she left the house as well and headed home. After news like this, she really needed to see her husband and her baby.

_
Regina sat at Rumple's bedside. Her tutor was pale and looked weak. Rumpelstiltskin, weak – she had never thought she'd see the day. But with his darkness gone, he was mortal like everyone else in this town. And his body and heart had been filled with so much darkness that it just didn't know how to cope without it.
"Come on," she hissed at him. "This is not the way one like you leaves. You're stronger than this. A little lightness can't be able to kill you. I wasn't and it certainly wasn't for the lack of trying, old friend. I hated your guts for what you did to me, what you formed me into. But… I don't know if I would be here today without you. Without the darkness, I might have just given in to my misery and eventually taken my own life. So, I practically owe you. And you owe Belle. So wake the fuck up!" She roughly shook the man's still shoulders. He didn't move. She just sat quietly for a while, watching his chest rise and fall with his heartbeat. What if people like him and her really couldn't survive without the darkness they had blackened their souls with? She was certain she would have ended her life if Rumple hadn't taken her on as his student. Somehow, the darkness had been necessary for her to continue her life. Now, it was a part of her. When she thought about it, she didn't know who she would or could be without it, without her troubled past. Maybe…

"Belle?" She called out for the younger woman who came running into the backroom as soon as she heard Regina's outcry, fearing the worst. Seeing the expression on her face, Regina quickly shook her head. "No, no Belle. I said he wasn't going to die anytime soon and I mean it. I actually have an idea but I need your help. Did you ever come across a small black leather-bound book in the library? It would be the size of a diary and its pages are probably yellowed. It should have a cross carved into its binding."

Belle nodded. "I have. I actually brought it over to the shop because I thought it could be dangerous. It made my skin tingle when I first touched it."

Regina smiled in triumph. "That's exactly the one I am looking for. There is a spell in there I want to try."

She didn't need to say it twice. Belle had scurried out into the shop before she'd spoken the last word.
"Here it is," she returned a moment later, handing the old tome to Regina. "What spell is it you're looking for?"

"It probably sounds crazy and I don't know if it'll work, but I want to try and transfer a small amount of my own heart's darkness to his." When Belle's eyes widened in confusion, Regina tried to explain. "I thought about how the darkness actually saved my life back in our world and how it is now an essential part of my being. I couldn't figure out how I would live without it, who I would be, when I thought about losing all of it at once. Maybe that is the problem here. His heart, well, you saw it. It was white. The books say only newborns possess a completely pure, white heart and even theirs turns red only hours after being born. I think it is worth a shot."

Belle pondered Regina's words in her head for a while before she nodded, a small smile appearing on her face. She understood where Regina was coming from. She and Rumple were a lot alike, they both had blackened their hearts, loaded them with darkness. They both had lived with a significant amount of darkness for a long time. It sounded entirely possible that they could need it to survive.
"Do it." She nodded at Regina, determination on her face. She knew if there was anyone who could save her love, it would be his greatest student.

"Alright," Regina gave her a fierce nod of her own and opened the book, quickly leafing through its pages. Belle watched as she stopped at one page and started reading. It seemed she found the right spell.
Several moments later, Regina looked up and her dark eyes met Belle's. "Okay. This spell is very complicated magic and I believe it won't be pretty to look at. I want you to go and call Snow and tell her to come over as soon as possible."

Belle walked back into the store and Regina heard her talking to Snow on the phone. Not even ten minutes the bell tingled, announcing a new costumer, or rather their much needed support.

"Regina?" Snow walked into the backroom, followed by both David and Belle. "We came as soon as possible. David wanted to be here as well, so we had to take Neal to Granny. Belle said you wanted to enact a complicated spell?"

"Yes. It is very complicated magic. The way it is performed… it is kind of gross? I don't know if it is the right word actually. One could probably call it brutal as well." Regina's dark eyes showed a hint of fear and Snow knew this would not be a walk in the park. She opened her mouth to say something, but Regina went on with her explanation. "This spell, it is painful for the caster. Very painful if the words in the book are anything to go by. It is some kind of safety. If it were an easy spell, there would be many witches and wizards just going around and loading their darkness onto another's shoulders. Rumple shouldn't be affected as he is unconscious. But I? I will. I will be in a trance and I will probably scream. Scream for someone to help me and to end it. You are here to watch each other. You have to keep each other from 'saving' me. Because believe me, I do not want to do this again. Understand?"

Everyone nodded. Everyone had a concerned look on their faces.

"Regina," Snow quietly spoke up, worry in her green eyes. "Should you really do this? I mean, with your condition and all?"

Regina brought a finger to her lips to shut her up before she said too much. She knew Belle wouldn't let her do this if she knew about the life growing inside of her.

"What condition?" Belle asked, her eyebrows raised at Regina.

"It really is nothing, Belle. I had a headache yesterday and I think I might be coming down with a cold or something. Nothing to worry about. I will be just fine. Promise." Regina shot a glare at Snow who quickly spoke up. "Yes, yes, I was talking about her headache. She really should go see a doctor later this afternoon." Snow didn't like this one bit but she would play along. She was pretty sure Regina wouldn't do this if it endangered the baby.

"Alright. Stay back and let me handle this. It might take a while. You can always leave the room if it gets too much for either of you.
Then, without another warning, they watched as Regina ripped out Rumple's heart and her own right after. They heard her chanting in an ancient sounding language to the rhythm of the two heartbeats. The sight of the two hearts safely cradled in her two hands – one pearly white, the other a very dark red with huge black spots – beating in synch was awful and gorgeous at the same time. Then Regina's eyes rolled back into her head and Snow and Belle gasped in terror. David tried to be strong for the two women at his side. He pulled both of them to his chest and held them tightly while he tried to keep control over his own feet. He wanted to move and stop Regina so much.
They stood silently watching as Regina's fingers clenched around her own heart and started to squeeze it. Her knuckles were white and her face ashen, her small frame was trembling. And as soon as the fingers started squeezing, the screaming started. Regina was screaming in pain as dark strands of fume left her heart and seeped into the white heart, breaking its surface and flowing inside.

"We have to stop this," Snow cried out, watching her former stepmother torture herself. "There has to be another way."

"No," David said with confidence and respect in his voice. "Regina can do this. She told us it wouldn't be pretty. She is strong." He knew he was trying to calm himself as much as the two sobbing women at his side. They needed to let Regina do this. The woman believed it could be the only thing to possibly save Rumpelstiltskin. She believed it could work. He bit his teeth together and held Snow and Belle tighter. They would not disturb Regina's magically induced trance.

"Please," Regina suddenly whimpered in between her endless chanting. "Make it stop. Please make it stop." Tears were freely flowing down the queen's beautiful face and it was the most heartbreaking thing either of them had ever witnessed.

Belle moved before he could react and reached out to take Regina's hand in her own. Snow barely stopped her, instead grabbing Belle's hand herself. "No," she whispered to the other woman. There was nothing she wanted more than to help Regina, to stop this madness, but she'd already come so far. It would soon be over. At least that's what she told herself.

An especially gut-wrenching cry left Regina's throat. It sounded barely human anymore and the three onlookers quickly saw what had caused it. Regina's fingernails were embedded deeply in her own heart, little rivulets of blood flowing out of the five half-moon wounds. Then her head shot back and her eyes rolled back to the front of her head. The witch pushed Rumple's heart back into his chest, a small black spot in its center. She proceeded with her own and a painful gasp left her mouth when it started beating back in its cavity. Then Regina lost consciousness and fell forward, quickly being caught by Snow and Belle before she could hit the ground.

"Belle?" Rumpelstiltskin awoke to darkness. He snapped his fingers and the lights in the backroom of his shop flickered to live. Looking around the room, he slowly sat up. His back hurt and his throat felt dry and itchy. How long had he been out? "Belle?" He called again, this time he managed to raise his volume above a whisper.

"Rumple?" Belle stormed into the room, her face marked with exhaustion and worry. "Oh god, Rumple!" Her heart had made a jump at seeing her beast alive and awake. She hadn't wanted to believe when she'd first thought she'd heard his voice calling out for her. The brunette quickly threw herself into his arms and started sobbing. "Thank god, you're back." She sobbed into his neck and Rumple started running his hands over her back. He had her back. It felt so good to hold her; he'd believed her out of his reach forever.

"Shhh, dearie," he tried to calm her down. She was trembling in his arms and she wouldn't stop crying. "Shhh. It's alright. I'm here." He held her like this for a long time until the thirst came unbearable. "Belle, darling? I really need some water…"

"Oh." His wife shot out of his lap in an instant. "I am so sorry Rumple. Wait, I'll be right back." She hurried out of the room and came back with a bottle of water. "Here." He gulped half the bottle down until he felt he'd had enough for the moment.

"How did I come back?" He rasped out after closing the bottle's lid and placing it on the floor next to the small bed. Belle sat down next to him and leaned into his body.

"Regina. She saved you."

"Regina?"

"Yes, you were dying." Belle's blue eyes were filled with pain at the thought of his would-be death. "Blue gave me an enchanted rose. She said as long as there were still petals on the rose, you would live. This morning," a sob shook her body. "This morning there was only one petal left on its stem. Regina and I have been looking for a solution for so long. I went to her as soon as I woke up and she finally figured out a way to help you a while later…"

"What aren't you telling me, darling?" Rumple asked when he noticed the look in his wife's eyes.

"Regina… She cast this very powerful and complicated spell to help you. It was… Oh god, it was so awful Rumple. She still hasn't woken up yet…" Her blue eyes were glazed over with shed and unshed tears alike.

"What did she do?" Rumple urged her to tell him. "Is she alright?" There was true worry in his amber eyes. He had come to care for the young lost girl back in the Enchanted Forest just as he had cared about his son. But caring hadn't meant that the Dark One would do the right thing.

Belle looked at him for a while before quietly saying: "Have you ever heard about the spell 'tenebris animam'?"

"No," Rumple breathed out in shock and horror. "She didn't?!" He knew the spell quite well but had never dared to cast it. He had always know his darkness could one day become too much and kill him. He had thought about casting the spell every once in a while. But he just could never get himself to do it. Not because he didn't want to transfer his darkness onto an innocent soul but because he had been afraid of enacting the spell. In some ways, he thought, he had always stayed a coward. He could barely believe Regina had done this for him when he hadn't been able to do it for himself.

"It was the most terrifying thing I have ever seen Rumple," Belle interrupted his thoughts, her voice quivering. "She insisted on doing it though. She believed a little blackness was the only thing that could save you. She was right."

Rumple nodded to himself. If anyone could ever understand what the darkness actually meant to them and how it was necessary for them to live just like air and water, it would be Regina. He hesitated for a moment before he swiftly took out his own heart. He studied it with awe. Then he heard Belle gasped when her eyes found the beating organ.

"It was completely white before," she whispered, staring at the strongly beating heart in her husband's palm. His heart had turned red. She couldn't help but admire the dark spot pulsating in its middle. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

AN: Do not fret, there will be plenty of Emma in the second chapter. This is SwanQueen after all. Until then!