Walking Travesty
The florescent lights above the room buzzed, the annoying sound you'd hear in a place filled with silence. Clare casually bit on her fingernails, waiting for Cindy to return. Just as she had begun to run out of nails to bite, the sound of high heels clicking against the floor got closer. The door behind her shut and Cindy; an overweight woman in her late fifties sat in a chair across from Clare.
"How have you been feeling lately?" Cindy asked, pulling out a clipboard and a stack of papers.
Clare fixed her posture. She shrugged. "I...don't know. The same way I've been feeling for the past months?"
"The techniques I showed you last time didn't help?" Cindy asked hopefully.
"To be honest, I forgot all about them.." She responded, not moving her eyes from the dark green carpet that surrounded them. "They're...just about the last thing that ever comes to mind. Quite frankly I don't think they work."
Cindy's eyebrows furrowed. "If you don't try how will you get better?" She sighed. "When you came to me, you said you wanted to be better, that you hated feeling this way but from what I've seen...you're not attempting to do anything. I don't understand."
Clare's heart pounded through her thin band tee. Her therapist would never understand that these mediocre "breathing techniques" changed absolutely nothing for her. She didn't feel better, if anything she felt pathetic for even attempting them.
"I do" She started out but drifted. "I do... want to get better, you have no idea how bad I do but this isn't working out for me at all. I've been coming here for.." She thought. "..for almost a year and nothing. I'm just tired. I've been tired for the longest time and no one gets that. Breathing differently isn't going to stop the thoughts, the anxiety, or the lashing out. And I didn't come to you, my mother forces me to come. If it were up to me, I'd be asleep in my room right now."
Cindy just stared in disbelief. "Your hour is up. I'll see you next Monday. Please see Patricia for a note for your school." And with that she exited the room.
Clare rolled her eyes making her way up to the secretary's desk for the note.
This what every Monday from one to two consisted of. She'd rather have been at school than deal with this bullshit.
Though now that she really thought of it, she really wasn't in the mood for school either but that's where she was headed next.
As she headed to her locker , she saw her friends waiting by eagerly.
Alli, Jenna, and Bianca. Whoo, three whole friends, what a popular one she was. She sarcastically thought.
Bianca was the first to speak. "Bitch, I missed you! And I got to tell you what happened between me and him last night."
Clare slightly smiled. Bianca was so out there compared to her plain self...but if she really thought about it all of her friends were really out except her. Alli, all cute and small, texting different guys left and right. Jenna deeply smitten with this twenty-two year old she met at the mall months back. Bianca always had drama with a guy named Austin that she - even though she'd never admit it – was in love with.
"Oh my gosh, I was texting Eli, we've been flirting majorly and I-" Alli was cut off.
"Since when do you text Eli?" Jenna interrupted.
"Since a couple of weeks, plus we dated in the grade six duh. Anyway, I think he likes me again. Oh my gosh, do you remember when I dumped him, Bianca?"
Bianca thought for a minute before remembering. "Yes! He was all sad and then he dedicated that Lonely song by Akon or whatever." She laughed.
"Exactly! Ah, Eli's such a loner though and he loses every girl he gets." She dramatically sighs. "Anyways, I have to go, Dave said he'd walk me to class." She winked then walked off.
"That girl has all guys eating out of the palm of her hands!" Jenna exclaimed. "Good thing the only guy I need is Luke."
Clare just stood there looking uninterested with her Spanish book in hand. "Well, I've got to get class so...bye guys."
Jenna nodded and went her own way but Bianca caught up with Clare.
"Now I can tell you what happened!"
Clare was not at all in the mood to here Bianca complain. She loved her to death but this was an everyday thing, every single day she'd complain to her about something that Austin did or said or didn't say or do. It was rather annoying.
Clare drowned out the sound of Bianca and just focused on the ground.
"Clare...Clare!" the sound resurfaced just as she felt a shoulder slam into her causing her to drop the Spanish book.
It had been Eli.
"My bad, sorry." He muttered, bending down to pick up her book and handed it back.
She quietly thanked him, cheeks flushing slightly. He slightly chuckled giving her small smile before continuing down the hall.
"Clare?"
"Huh?" She turned back to face Bianca.
Bianca just looked her up and down suspiciously.
Clare raised an eyebrow. "What?"
Bianca rolled her eyes. "Don't 'what' me. I'm not stupid. I was born at night but not last night."
Clare was deeply confused. "Why are we discussing at what time of the day you were born? Care to elaborate on what you mean?"
"You like Eli. It's plain to see though I don't know why I didn't notice until now."
She scoffed. "I don't like Eli, at least not that way. I barely know the guy."
"Whatever you say." She walked off.
Clare felt the thought of her liking Eli ridiculous. Well to be honest, she might have known him since grade seven but had never really noticed him until last semester since they got stuck in Spanish together all year.
Right before the bell rang, she ushered into Spanish class taking her seat at the empty table across the room from Eli's seat. Her table always stayed empty well besides her sitting there. People in this class kind of assumed she was some sort of misanthrope. She didn't think of herself as that but maybe she was?