Expression!

Mass Effect Oneshot

Just some short tales about humans, using human expressions, in front of non-humans… Hehe, it just sorda hit me when I was writing Bitter Reflections.

It was Ashley's day for kitchen duty. And, it goes without saying; soldiers Do Not make good cooks. "Fine, shoot me if you don't like it!" she shouted at Lt. Burrow, he was constantly telling the cooks off about their food.

Across the mess hall, Wrex pulled his gun out and pointed it at Ashley. She saw it, and put her hands in the air and ducked. "NOT LITTERALLY!" she howled.

"Damn...," Wrex muttered.

Shepard, Kaiden and Liara were on some uncharted world, looking for geth that had been reported in the area. This planet happened to be the closest to the solar-system's sun, and, was quite hot. The armor they were wearing wasn't helping any either.

Kaiden looked up at the planet's sun and sighed. "Damn, it's hot…"

Shepard glanced over at him and said, "Yeah, I know. I'm dying here…"

"Commander, we need to get you back to the Normandy immediately!" Liara proceeded to make barrier for Shepard to shield her from the elements.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Kaiden shouts at her, using his own biotic powers to pull the barrier down.

"The Commander told us she was burning up and possibly near death!" Liara argued back, putting the barrier back up. Of course, nobody noticed the geth slowly surrounding them…

"Dr. Saleon." Garrus addressed the crazy Salarian scientist standing in front of them. "I'd cut out your organs, but we don't have the time." He points his pistol at the doctor.

Shepard waves her hand for him to lower his gun. "Hold your horses, Garrus. Are you sure that's him?"

Garrus gives Shepard a funny look (well, as strange a look as a Turian can manage). "I am currently not in possession of any of that particular earth species, Commander. But yes, that is Dr. Saleon."

"You're all crazy!" the Salarian shouts.

"The Council is sending a message, should I patch them through?" Joker says over the intercom.

"Go ahead, Joker," Shepard says, moving to stand in front of the Council's holograms.

"Commander Shepard," the Asari councilwoman nods her head in respect. "We have some information, and, considering your interest in Saren, we wanted to inform you of it."

Shepard considers them for a second, and then, "Kay, hit me with it."

"Um…" the Asari rubs the back of her neck and glances at the Turian Councilman.

"Alright, Commander. The bomb is ready," Kaiden says to Shepard.

She nods her head. "Alright, I'm going to go get the Gunnery-Chief. Don't let that bomb blow until the fat lady sings, got it?" She squints at Kaiden.

"Yes'm," he says, and turns back to the nuke. Garrus clears his throat and glances at Wrex, who returns the same confused look.

"Um, what fat lady, Commander?"

Shepard sat in the secondary pilot seat as Joker explained some of the more difficult flight maneuvers to her. She couldn't fly and wouldn't risk trying it, but was interested in it none the less.

Tali walks onto the Bridge and asks the Commander something. She doesn't hear it, she's too interested in the pilot's description of a mercenary 'Green Machine' and how to avoid one in a meteor field.

"Commander!" the Quarian barks. Shepard's eyes shot up at the Engineers shout and apologized.

"Sorry, Tali, was a little tied up there…" the woman said, standing up.

Tali stared at the Commander, at her former seat, at the pilot and back at the Commander. "Excuse me, Commander, but you didn't appear to be bound to anything at the time." (A/N I know, one of the not-funnier ones, but I couldn't think of anything else…)

"Um, Commander?" Garrus asked, after fifteen minutes of pacing up and down the ExoGeni hallways. "I, um, think we're going the wrong way…"

"Who the hell died and made you Einstein?!" Shepard shouted although she knew he was right, but come on…

"Um…" Garrus began. "I, uh…" He shifted uncomfortably.

"Why don't you lead us out if you're so smart!" she commanded, and stood behind the Turian. He waited a second then walked ahead, turned left, went up some stairs, turned right and wala. There was the elevator to the skywalk they'd been looking for. "Show-off," the Commander muttered under her breath.

Alright, I really am thinking of other human phrases to use in here, but I can't think of any others! Please help! I'm trying to somehow fit in LMAO (thanks to Fiera Sabre for the idea) in here too, so don't think I've forgotten about this oneshot-thing; I haven't! Kay, please give me some ideas, these are really fun to write! -Jade, out! xD