Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors. I don't own Shaq's "Kobe can't do without me!" song from TMZ, it's originally his freestyle rap lyrics.
A/N: ROFL! Did you guys check out Shaq's rap on dissing Kobe after the NBA Finals?! Well this one shot is a parody with Lu Bu being portrayed Shaq and Cao Cao as Kobe.
Cao Cao Can't Do Without Me!
At the bar somewhere in the Central Plains….
"Hey Lu Bu! Ladies and Gentlemen, The mighty Lu Bu is here in the bar! Hey man, can you rap?" the DJ walked up to where Lu Bu is sitting at the table near the stage.
"Rap? Hmm, I've been practicing my rhythm for the occasion. Give me the mic?" Lu Bu nodded.
The DJ gives him the mic and The Strongest Man under Heaven walk up into the stage. He whispers to the band to give him the right music tones and he clears his throat staring at the audience.
"Come on, sing Lu Bu!" Gao Shun cheered.
"Can he even sing?" Chen Gong groaned.
Music plays
"Ahem…Well, I've been going through a lot of trouble staying alive and hinder my skills. I never loss at one on one fight and still considered the strongest man. Everyone brag about Cao Cao this and Cao Cao that, but he still hasn't do it!" Lu Bu sang.
Everyone stood up and holler at the same lyrics Lu Bu phrased.
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"He laying on his lazy ass screwing with his wives! Not even thinking of a way to unification!"
Chen Gong is banging his head on the table. He can't believe Lu Bu is rapping about Cao Cao claiming Cao Cao can't do it without him.
"I should be serving him, making the world tumble in fear of the combination of Cao Cao and myself! No one will oppose us, even the worthless scums of Wu!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
Chen Gong quickly ask a female hostess to give him a damn drink for heaven's sake.
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"I left my headless corpse on the graves of Xu. Ain't nobody going to give me a hero's funeral! But, I've done much to make the world fear me! That's why I'm a popular man and Dong Zhuo is not! Cause Cao Cao can't do without me!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"Xu Zhu, Xu Huang, Zhang Liao, Yue Jin, Li Dian, Xiahou Dun, Xiahou Yuan, Cao Ren, Dian Wei, all failed where as I should have lived to make them succeed! Because Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"Some one, make it stop….." Chen Gong shakes his head.
"LOL Lu Bu!" Gao Shun laughed so hard.
"Oh man, this is some hardcore stuff!" DJ look shocked at the reaction from the crowd.
"It's common sense to keep me alive! But, noooo that coward left me for dead! He took Diao Chan from me and I felt insulted and blame him for it! Liu Bei and his wimps didn't persuade him to let me live!"
"Nobody wants you to live…." Chen Gong smacked his head. He took a slip of wine hoping to get drunk before this is over.
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"I'm Xiang Yu, Yue Fei, and Fu Xi combined. There ain't nobody compare to the living war god myself! I am supreme! I am the key! I'm the flying general and the annihilator! Let my world reign supreme and create your dynasty! That's why Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"He's out of his mind. I'm his therapist…" Chen Gong whispered to the hostess.
"Not even Sun Tzu can stop my might. Zhuge Liang would run for his life when he fears my might!"
"AAA hahahahahaah!" Gao Shun is laughing even harder.
"Zhao Yun is a poor bum and I'm a rich diesel. That's why I'm the more acknowledged general and Zhao Yun's a nameless scum!"
"What does being rich and being poor has to do with competency?" Chen Gong rolleyes.
"Zhou Yu burned Cao Cao's fleet, but I burned the coward's body! If I'm so dumb, why did I do something smart?"
"It got to be my plan I tell ya…" Chen Gong muttered.
"Cao Cao runs, I triumph. It makes me history! Because I made his life in jeopardy!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
"Cao Cao can't do it without me!"
Music ends
Lu Bu finishes his song and left the stage in a sad expression. Does he deserve to live and make Cao Cao's dream a reality?