Just a ramble after I finished FANG :) SPOILERS AHEAD.

How could he leave me? How could Fang leave me?

The same two thoughts swirled in my already screwed up head. Even though Fang had already given his reasons, had tried to justify breaking my freakin' heart, it still didn't make sense to me.

I was still lying there, on one side, staring at the wall beside my bed, wondering what went wrong. It was a week later, and I'd tried everything. I'd tried to blame Angel, I'd tried to blame Dylan, I'd tried to blame myself. None of them had helped the pain.

I'd been mentally tormented in laboratories, physically tormented by all sorts of monsters, and yet none of that pain compared to this. My heart was aching, a dull throb in my chest, as though some tiny erasers were in there, gnawing away at it.

The letter Fang had left was lying on my desk some way away, and it had been there, untouched, ever since I had read it. I couldn't bear to read it again. I couldn't bear to read those beautiful yet douchey words.

The worst of it was that I was left like this. With my heart exposed, beating for the whole freakin' world to see. I wouldn't have wanted the flock to see, even before everything had happened between us. It wasn't like they could understand my pain anyway. None of them had lost their soul mate.

And then there was Dylan, who was the last Goddamn person I wanted to see, or to speak to. Sure, he'd tried. Pretty hard, actually, to bring me to my senses, but despite him being my 'perfect match' he was the last person I wanted to talk to. The only person who had ever understood me, who had ever listened to me, who I had ever and would ever love, was Fang, and he was gone.

He might as well have died in Malibu. He might as well have been cold and dead in the ground. It wouldn't have hurt much more. It was worse not having him, when he was still around, when it was by choice, than not having him at all.

I just couldn't understand why he would leave. Everything he had said had made little to no sense. I wasn't the smartest kid in the world, I wasn't the best with feelings, either, but I couldn't fathom this. I'd thought we were good. Even when the flock had rejected me, counted me out (which I still hadn't fully forgiven them for, even after everything we had been through), Fang had stuck by me, and then Dylan had opened his big mouth. His stupid perfect mouth, and he'd changed his mind, sent Fang packing.

It wasn't right. We were perfect for each other. We were made for each other, and not in some stupid lab way, either. We were meant for each other simply because we were, and nothing could change that.

I'd never felt so exposed. I'd never lay there for so long, on my own, with no interruption from the pain in the butt which was the Voice, pining for someone, grieving over someone.

Why wasn't he here? Why weren't his fingers laced with mine? Why couldn't I feel his warm breath on my face, his soft kisses on my neck? Why was I alone?

Nothing had ever been easy for me. Fang was the only one who had made things bearable, who made me see the silver lining to the clouds of my every day, and now he was gone.

How could I save the world, when half of me was missing?

Review?