A/N: Hello! I'm Sky. This is my first time writing a fan fiction. Solstice has been nagging me since we opened this account so now, I deliver. Tah-Dah! Ahem...sorry. So...please read on and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura. Nanase Ohkawa and the rest of CLAMP have the honour of doing that! ^_^
Chapter 1: Love is many things, none of them logical
Five years.
Five years have passed since Syaoran left Japan to go home to his mother and sisters in Hong Kong.
I waited days, weeks, months and finally, years.
Today, I am still waiting.
Sakura POV:
"Morning kaiju!" My brother's face looms in front of mine, a sly grin plastered onto it, his dark hair falling over his face.
"…how many times do I have to tell you that I am not a monster?" I ask, chucking a pillow at my brother. He catches it expertly and places it at the foot of the bed, laughing. Thankfully, he leaves without disturbing me anymore.
When people look at my brother, they see a handsome, intelligent man. On the other hand, to me, he is nothing but a big blah. My brother is an idiot. Not a dumb idiot or a stupid idiot. He is simply…an idiot.
When I manage to drag myself away from my room after getting ready for school, I race down the stairs two at a time. I pass the kitchen at top speed, stuffing my lunch into my bag. Without stopping, I run out of the house, chasing after Toya, who is smirking when I reach him.
"Give me a lift!" I demand, running next to him, my black shoes making a somewhat annoying sound as we rush past rows upon rows of cherry blossom trees. Click click.
"Get your own." Laughing, my brother abandons me, riding faster than I could possibly imagine running at. It's nothing new.
By the time I get to school, first period has ended, my hair is a mess and Tomoyo looks like she might kill me, which, considering her normally cute and gentle personality, will probably never happen.
"Where were you? What about Syaoran?" She asks, her video camera literally staring me in the face.
"…excuse me?"
"Are you avoiding…?" Tomoyo stops mid-sentence and stares at me, her eyes wide with realisation. She pales slightly, as she considers telling me whatever she was about to say. "Never mind. You weren't here this morning. Why would you be avoiding him if you didn't know? Why would you avoid him in the first place?" Confused, I blink at her, not saying a word as she rambles on and on about her worries. "Sakura! Are you listening to what I'm saying?"
"Hm?" Basically, that means no…I hope Tomo-chan doesn't realise that.
"Sakura!"
I sigh. Of course she noticed. Tomoyo's got her eyes in the back of her camera…did I take that too far? Sorry.
"Let's just get into class and you can explain everything when we get there," I say, patting my head as I try and calm my stupid hair.
"I wouldn't go in there if I were you…" Tomoyo's voice was barely a whisper. She had turned pale again. I hold her hand, squeezing gently.
"I'm sure the teacher won't attempt to murder me, Tomoyo." Laughing, I pull open the door to the classroom, my eyes wandering to my friends who are huddled up around my desk. Seeing them, I wave, a grin plastered onto my face. "Rika-chan! Chiharu-chan! Nao-chan! Yamazaki-kun! Good morning!"
Spotting me, they all smile at my enthusiasm, a chorus of 'good morning's echoing across the room. As I walk over to them, I spot someone sitting down behind them. The person's back is facing me so all I can see is a mop of messy brown hair and a male uniform. My breath hitched as I continued to walk forward.
"Sakura?" A deep, warm voice asks. I don't answer. My steps never falter as I walk towards him. His face turns slightly so I can see the colour of his right eye. A gorgeous brown. He still doesn't turn to me. When I reach him, I stop, not daring to move or speak.
He sighs.
Dragging himself off the top of his desk, he jumps to his feet. I stop breathing when he turns around. His eyes open, taking me in with a soft expression of awe. He is about six foot, taller than me by far.
"Sakura," he whispers, a soft huff of breath following my name as he exhales. His face is flushed as he reaches for my left hand. In his left, there is a small teddy bear that I recall giving to him. That moment is still fresh in my memory, as if it were yesterday. "Sakura. It's me. I'm back."
All that comes out of my mouth is a whisper. A name.
"Syaoran."
Syaoran POV:
She loses it.
The bag hits me first. Then the chair. Then she launches herself at me like those creepy squirrels on those creepy shows people watch. You know? Like…You've been framed. Yeah that's the one.
Oof! The woman punched me in the guts. Hard. God, she's become way stronger than she could've dreamed of five years ago.
"You come here after five bloody years and you don't even say hello?!" Sakura screeches, punching my chest angrily. I don't move, watching as her anger subsides and she stops her attack. She looks away from me so I can't see her face. "Why didn't you call?"
I grimace. Her voice is weak and miserable. I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I think of what I have to tell her. With a soft sigh I pull her into a hug, my arms wrapped around her shoulders. Oh well. That can come later.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "It's complicated. So shut up and stay still, will you?"
A soft giggle escapes her and she looks up, grinning as if I said something funny. No matter how stupid she looks I can't help but smile back at her. Sakura really hasn't changed much, considering that it's been five years since I last saw her; her green eyes still twinkle like emeralds and her golden brown hair still bounces around her face. She looks back into my eyes, satisfaction filling her eyes.
"Ahem! Idiot couple over there!" The teacher yells. I push Sakura away from me, watching with growing amusement as she blushes at me.
"Don't laugh," she mutters, her eyes averted as she walks to her seat next to the window. I grin like a giraffe as I slide into my seat behind Sakura. Her shoulders relax as she opens her book and stares out the window. I don't laugh. I just sit and watch.
"Psst…" I hiss, chucking a small ball of paper at her head in the middle of class. "Sakura!"
"What?" She whispers, her head turned to look at me. I stare at her. God. She's prettier than she used to be. This isn't helping me say the things I have to say to her.
"Nothing. I just wanted to look at you," I reply. She shakes her head in disbelief.
"You're impossible."
"I know."
"You're a jerk."
"I know."
"…"
"…"
"I love you."
"I…you what?!" My eyes widen and my heart leaps into my mouth. I almost stand up in shock, my face burning. My heart aches again and I'm tempted to tell her about it. I have to tell her before it's too late. Sensei, noticing me fidgeting, grins evilly.
"Syaoran-kun? Are you volunteering to complete the questions on the board?" His eyes gleam with pure evil joy. Yes. I called it pure evil joy. Lord. I sound like Sakura now.
"No." I mutter.
"I take that's a yes," the gleam in his eyes was too bright for me now. Grumbling, I walk to the board, staring at the equation. Have you ever seen one of those posters that say "And then God said… some random equation… and then there was light"? Well, if you've seen one, you know exactly how I'm feeling right now. As soon as I start to write, the bell rings.
Phew…saved by the bell.
I glance up at Sakura who is watching me happily, smiling at me. I frown at her, pretending to be annoyed that she could have gotten me detention after that episode of affection. To be completely honest, I am annoyed. But it's not at her. It's at myself. I need to tell her now.
I trail behind her and the others, watching her face closely, her eyes shining and her face flushed. Banging against my chest, my heart seems to want to tear itself out of me as I mentally kill myself again and again, preparing myself for what I'm about to do.
Tomoyo leaves at last and we are finally alone. Sakura turns to face me slowly, her eyes searching my face. I can feel the frown on my face, my eyes not meeting hers as I stare at the cherry blossoms flying in the air behind her. It's really not helping either.
"Syaoran?" Her voice is nearby and I realise that she's walked over to me while I had been staring at the trees behind her. "Is something wrong?" Her hand reaches for mine. I pull mine away, shoving it into my pocket. Her eyes widen as she pulls her hands away, awkwardly placing them at her sides.
"I'm sorry Sakura," I murmur, running my free hand through my hair, as I searched her face for a reaction. Surprisingly, she didn't give away anything.
"For what?" Her voice was calm and somewhat soothing. I wanted to hug her and hold her and tell her that I was saying nonsense. But I can't.
I love her.
I love her so much it hurts.
"Sakura. I can't be together with you," I suck in a breath, continuing before she can say anything. "If it was five years ago, we might've had a chance. But my mother…" I stop. She hasn't reacted at all. "Sakura?"
A sob escapes her.
Horror fills me. Oh God.
"Sakura?"
"I'm fine," she snaps, rubbing at her eyes. "Something got into my eye. That's all."
I don't say anything as she rubs her eyes. When she finally looks up, her eyes are red. Both of them. My heart is literally shredding itself up right now. I wince.
"What is it you were telling me, Syaoran?" She asks, avoiding my gaze.
"I-I can't, Sakura," I stammer. "I don't want to…I-…"
"Tell me."
"But-!"
"No!" Her voice was now a yell. "You haven't spoken a word for five years, Syaoran Li. I deserve this much."
She deserves better. She deserves better than I can ever give her.
So, I give in.
Sucking in a breath and closing my eyes, I pray silently, bracing myself for what is to come.
"I'm engaged."