'Mistletoe: A tradition that has been around longer then me.' Kakuzu thought idly, seeing some growing on its host tree.
It was snowing as Kakuzu and his partner, Hidan, walk along the road. Normally Kakuzu would be at peace. But his partner gave him no such pleasure.
"It's so god damn fucking cold! Why couldn't Leader give us fucking warmer cloaks?!" Hidan bickered, the 'Leader' being strained in utter loathing.
"I've told you ten times already!" Kakuzu snapped in reply, "We don't have the money!"
Hidan folded his arm across his chest, grumbling curses.
"The fucking ass will be sorry. Jashin-sama does not like his followers to be mistreated." He grumbled.
"Okay I know you made that part up."
"So what if I fucking made it up?"
"Isn't lying a sin?!"
"He doesn't give a rat's ass, you dipshit."
Kakuzu saw no point in carrying on the stupid argument, so he made no comeback. He wanted to shut up his partner for good. But sadly he couldn't, even if he cut off Hidan's head he would still complain. But still it was nice to think of it. Perhaps he could sew his mouth shut. He smiled at the thought.
Hidan puffed out his chest in fury. What was he smiling about (how the hell can he tell)?
"And why the fuck are you smiling?!" he screeched.
"Oh, just thinking about sewing your god damned mouth shut." Kakuzu replied smugly.
"What ever."
Kakuzu's nostrils flared. He smelled smoke.
"I think a town is up ahead." he said, shivering. He had to admit that Hidan was right, it was very cold.
"Great!" Hidan said, a happy tone in his voice, "Someplace warm."
His joyful tone soon vanished.
"I think I'm getting frost bite. And why the fuck are we even wearing sandals in the god damn snow!?"
Kakuzu sighed. He couldn't get away from his complaining. But still, it wouldn't feel right without it. He had, dare he say it, grown fond of Hidan.
Little did he know that Hidan had grown fond of him as well.
Hidan knew they made a good team. After all, the only reason he was partners with Kakuzu was because he couldn't be killed. Kakuzu's abilities were hard to control. If he didn't kill his partners out of sheer infuriating annoyance, he killed them by accident. He believed Itachi said he had killed over 15 partners before he came.
Kakuzu's sense of smell was right on the money, for a small village came into view.
"Hmm." Kakuzu mused, "It must nearly be the Holidays. Look at all the mistletoe."
Hidan stopped dead in his tracks.
"mistletoe, eh?" he purred.
Kakuzu turned. He knew that look in Hidan's eyes. It was the same look he had when he read his bible or when he was about to perform one of his idiotic and gory rituals.
"Do you mind, Kakuzu," Hidan asked, a look of smug delight in his eyes, "if I, have some fun?"
"Whatever." Kakuzu shrugged, "You do whatever your God want's you to. I'll go find a cheap place for us to stay."
A look of pure giddiness came over Hidan, reminding Kakuzu of Zetsu's retarded companion, Tobi, even though he never saw what Tobi's face actually looked like, due to that retarded orange mask he always wore.
Kakuzu headed for a bar first however. He needed something to warm him up. As he drank his heated Sake', he heard a blood curdling scream, causing him to burn his hands and spill it down his front.
"MAY JASHIN TAKE PITTY ON YOUR POOR, RECHED SOULS!!!"
Kakuzu stood abruptly. What the hell was Hidan doing?! When he exited the bar he soon learned.
Hidan was killing everyone.
"Excuse me." Hidan said rushing past Kakuzu into the bar he had just left, his three-bladed scythe dripping with blood.
It didn't take long for nearly everyone in the village to be killed. It was small after all.
Kakuzu was seething. What the hell?!
Hidan was beaming as he walked toward his partner but it was soon gone.
"YOU IDIOT!!!" Kakuzu screamed, punching Hidan good and hard, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"
"You said I could!"
"Your stupid God told you to kill every one?!"
"Yes!"
Kakuzu took a deep breath and rubbed his sinuses.
"And why?" he asked.
"Because of the fucking mistletoe!" Hidan snapped in reply.
"The what?"
Hidan wiped the back of his hand at the corner of his mouth, wiping the blood that had oozed from it away.
"In my religion," Hidan said hotly, "when someone walks under mistletoe they have to die."
Kakuzu's gaped at his partner. Was he serious? Kakuzu cursed and grabbed Hidan by the color and dragged him to the Inn. He cursed again when he saw that every one who worked there were dead.
"I'll just grab a key to a room." He muttered.
As Kakuzu and Hidan laid in their beds Kakuzu ask a question that had been bugging him.
"Hidan?"
"Hmm?"
"What do you kiss under?"
"Lungs Kakuzu, human lungs."
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Kakuzu lay awake, his mind buzzing with the thoughts of tainting Hidan with the newfound information. He turned to look at the man in question. Kakuzu knew a lot about Hidan's religion. Not only had the man spewed the nonsense of its rules but Kakuzu was old enough to know its history. Hidan was a high priest, and high priests were virgins.
Was. That word was the key; Hidan was fair game now that he left his temple. To say Hidan didn't want to sleep with Kakuzu was false, Hidan did, he wanted to badly. His excuse for not doing so how ever was simple; "Jashin-sama wouldn't like it." Pure, absolute bullshit.
"I need to work fast…" Kakuzu said as he sat up.
--
Hidan awoke, the 'call of nature' was beckoning and he could no longer hold it. He stood and trotted to the restroom, sighing as he relieved himself. As he passed under the doorway after he finished the lights turned on.
"The fuck, Kakuzu?" he asked squinting at his partner.
"Look up Hidan." the stitched man drawled.
Hidan did as he was told, blushing madly as he saw what was crudely nailed to the doorway with a kunai.
One bloody human lung.
Threads wrapped around the Jashinist's pail wrists, roughly pulling him to the older man. Kakuzu grabbed Hidan's face and pulled him into a rough kiss.
Hidan refused to let Kakuzu explore his mouth. Only when Kakuzu forced his mouth open did the kiss deepen. Even then the albino refused to respond.
Kakuzu growled in frustration, he pulled away somewhat. "Stop that Hidan, you want this."
Hidan swallowed thickly. "I do, but Jashin—"
"That's bullshit. You left the temple. So your god could care less if you're not a virgin anymore." Kakuzu snapped, leaning forward to kiss the younger man again.
Hidan, however, lurched backward, his eyes wide. "What? No, just a kiss, and only that!" he tried to tug his hands free, but the odd strings refused to let up, "Kakuzu! Let go!"
Kakuzu placed one of his hands on the small of Hidan's back, bringing their hips together; he smirked at the tiny squeak the albino made. "You're so cute when you act like you don't want something. Or are you scared?"
Hidan's wide eyes narrowed. "I'm not afraid." he said dangerously.
"Then get me ready."
Hidan pouted, but slid to his knees anyway, becoming level with Kakuzu's groin. "So… uh, what do I do?"
Kakuzu threw his head back with a heavy sigh. 'Don't get upset, he doesn't know any better…' he chanted in his head. He glanced back down at Hidan, his face expectant. He sighed again before reaching into his pants and pulling out his member. It was then his turn to look at Hidan with expectant eyes.
"You still didn't tell me what to do."
"You touch it."
"Until?"
"Until I tell you to stop."
---Sex scene skip---
Kakuzu gasped and leaded over Hidan's body, spasms coming over his body making him utter a deep guttural moan with the arrival of his orgasm. "Hmm, I kind of thought this thing would dull the sensation." He said, managing to say it with one breath, "It didn't though… not that I can really remember what sex or an orgasm feels like… Thanks for refreshing my memory…" He then pulled out, swallowing big gulps of air as he pulled the condom off and tossed it to some forlorn corner of the room.
Hidan's legs slid out from under him, his chest heaving. "I… I can't believe I kept putting this off." he mumbled into the bed, feeling the bed shift as Kakuzu lied down next to him, the man rubbing his back affectionately.
"I can't believe I haven't done that for over sixty years." was Kakuzu's added comment.
Hidan glared into the pillow, but allowed Kakuzu to throw his arm over him. God he couldn't wait to do that again.
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Contact me if you want the full story. This includes the sex scene.