Summary: It finally sinks in for Helen what happened to John. SPOILERS for Into the Black
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Sanctuary.
Rating: K
Pairing: Helen and John.
GUILT AND TEARS:
The tears had finally stopped; her body had settled. She was wracked with grief. It all finally sank in. John was gone, he was gone and she had left him to die. She had given him no choice but to feed hat creature and turn him into the monster that she had feared for so long. John was gone. Helen couldn't get past it. This was her fault, her doing and now she had lost the one man who meant everything to her. Why had she acted the way she had? Why had she lashed out at him? She had been afraid. That psyche worm had showed her what she really wanted; John and a normal life. It hadn't been all his fault. She had driven him to this slowly, an inch at a time.
"Helen?" A deep voice rumbled near her door. It almost sounded like John… almost.
Uncovering her eyes she saw the hairy face of her trusted friend and man servant. She was down, her defenses obliterated by grief; all she wanted was someone's hand to hold as she cried. He could do that for her, Helen knew he would. Waiting for him to take her hand Helen used her right hand to wipe at her tears even though more had begun to fall. Her trusted friend climbed on the bed and settled himself down to face her. He didn't take her hand, not yet at least.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked her. For the last hour Biggie had been lingering outside her bedroom door listening to her sounds of sorrow, of pain and anguish. There was a certainty that she had been crying a good deal longer before her had come by.
"John… is…" Helen choked out with tears swelling in her eyes. "We had found Worth, he had phase shifted out of time with us. I didn't find a way to shut down the power to bring him back into sync with..." Helen stopped letting her voice settle. She was brittle, her emotions raging inside of her, a tumult of emotion that was making her heart break. She was shattering on the inside. "John took wires to the power the core, I warned him not to, but he fed that thing inside of him… He eradicated all that I knew. John is gone." Again the wave of tears so strong took her over and she was covering her eyes, shaking, but warmth enveloped her with her friend drawing her close. He held her and let her cry.
"I left him to die." Helen cried fisting her hands in the front of his shirt. He only held her saying nothing. "He was my everything…" She was wracked with grief, shaking from the tormented pain of finally realizing that John was gone forever. Helen cried out her anger, her pain, her grief, and her guilt. John was dead because of her, because she didn't listen to what he was trying to tell her. She had refused to hear anything other than what she wanted to hear and Helen was paying for it now. John was gone.