GOODBYE KITTY

A FIERCE BRAVE GANG ONE-SHOT

TOLD FROM ERIC CHILTERN'S POINT OF VIEW

This follows Trekkiel's idea about Ben being fostered by Mr Keogh.

Monday 19th October

You might be familiar with me, I'm Eric Chiltern, Ben Chiltern's cat. I'm a handsome creature and in my prime. I've been taken to a show and tell session at Ben's school and treated like a king by his classmates, as I should be, shown off to perfection in the Gang Hut and generally adored. So why am I angry? I blame that Mr Keogh at Ben's school. I live with him and Ben now. He's nicer than Ben's mum but he's still in my bad books.

He's the one who put the stupid idea into Ben's head that he should have another cat. Not instead of me, although if they don't stop fussing over that – that creature of his, he might only have one cat. Any family would snap me up.

I hoped Dervla Dog would back me up as we get on like a houseboat on fire (sorry Mr Keogh) but, no. As soon as that stupid new kitten came through the door she was cosying up to it. Licking its face. Keeping close to the wretched thing when we all played in that bit of ground just beyond the boat. I was mewing away, trying to tell Ben that it wasn't safe to bring something as small as that home from its mum but Mr Keogh had to blow my cover on that one and reassure Ben that it was fine because Scrap had had all his jabs and was big enough to come home. Scrap! And what's worse, he's Scrap Chiltern. I'm the only pet that should be called Chiltern, never mind Cr*p, sorry, Scrap. Ben chose his name because he said he was such a little scrap, so I don't want to be mean about it. But honestly! He's not even an honest black cat like me, he's a Tabby. All stripes and whining.

Now I'd like to go to the sympathy vote here and say that I was pushed out as soon as Scrap Chiltern came in. But no, Ben had room for both of us on his knee – I did try nudging Scrap on to the floor but Ben kept him safe –and stroked us both all night. He said we were his two lovely cats and he loved us both. But I'd rather I was his one lovely cat. Look at that Scrap sleeping away as if he's not caused any trouble. HE's got a new cat basket. I think Tabby-Butt should have been put in my old basket and I should have been upgraded, but who listens to me?

Tuesday 20th October

Scrap's playing Bat Paws with Ben! My back was only turned for one minute and he's playing my favourite game with MY Ben. How you play Bat Paws is, Ben holds up his hands and I bat at them with my paws until we both get tired. I gave this huge cross "Meowww!" when I saw them and Ben said "You can play next, Eric." I can play next, indeed. It should have been "You'll have to get off my knee now, Scrap Tabby, Eric Chiltern has summoned me." But no. Ben's too soft with that – that thing.

Wednesday 21st October

We're in our play area. Dervla's gone running off somewhere. I don't think she's far away, I think she's just gone to explore. I'm seething. We both got new cat toys this morning and Scrap's managed to roll his under the fence. Now he's only trying to come and play with mine! I was reduced to hissing at him. Ben says he'll go and get Loser's toy in a minute but he wants to just check something for school first. I know what that'll be about. His speech for 'show and tell' tomorrow when he takes Loser in to show them. I can't believe he'll take Scrap to show off, they'll only be sorry for him because Scrap's not up to my standard. Surely they won't hold a gang meeting for him?

Flaming heck, what's that leapt over the fence?

It's a big dog and it's not Dervla. It's barked at me but I'm ignoring it.

Oh no it's going for Scrap! The poor little thing's shaking like a leaf!

Action is called for.

I'm between Scrap and that excuse for a dog, and I'm in full battle mode. Claws out, hissing, spitting… you just try and pass me to get to that kitten, mate! You -shall –not- pass.

Dog's backing off a bit but I can't keep up my Ninja Moggy act much longer…

Hooray, the Cavalry's here! Eat him, Dervla!

Much later.

Well, she didn't eat that dog, but he ran off anyway. Scrap was still shaking but I gave him a little friendly nudge with my head to show him we're mates now. I let him have an exclusive cuddle with Ben, because he needed it. Ben says I'm a hero.

I've got him playing Bat Paws with me, and Ben's creased laughing at us. No dogs had better come getting clever with us tomorrow though.

Nobody's going to mess with the Chiltern Cats.

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