Title: A foolish tale
Summary: Er..... Harm's POV on stuff. Just read it. I was in a bit of an angsty mood
Rating: PG ish I suppose. Who actually reads the ratings anyway
Disclaimer: I assure you I dont own JAG. If you sue me you shall recieve nothing but a few english essays and a cat that's scared of its dinner.
A/N: To anyone who's still looking out for the next chapter of Home is where your best friend is; I'm really sorry but I've stopped writing that for the moment. I have one more chapter that will be posted as soon as I've sent it to my beta and after that it will be a while before I post again. School is soooo busy and, truth be told, I've sort of lost interest in that particular story for the moment and I simply dont have the time or motivation to write any more. It may eventually get finished, who knows. Sorry for those of you who liked it. Ask me again after my October exams. Also, apologies in advance, this is entirely un-betaed. I wrote and posted it in the space of about 45 minutes, so there might be a few (or many) typos
They say that the foolish only ever see what they want to see and, in a way, they're right. I suppose that deep down, I alwas knew the truth, but I chose, whether consciously or subconsciously, to bury it beneath the dream we had, the so-called fairy tale.
Ours was a twisted fairy tale, in which the characters never seemed to get it right and even when they did, their happiness only seemed to last a short time before it became superficial. Even now, I'm not quite sure how I managed to fool myself into believing that anything we had could have truly lasted. Our relationship was too complicated and not able to endure what we tried to put it through. There was simply too much emotional baggage and scars.
Perhaps if we hadn't waited so long then things would have been different. But what's the use of speculation; its all in the past now and there's nothing that will change that.
Its hard to believe that something we had both wanted for so long could come to such an anti-climax. Granted, everything was seemingly perfect to start with, but it didn't take long for troubles to emerge.
I think that part of the problem was that neither of us was particularly willing to admit that there were in fact troubles in our relationship. It was as though we couldn't face the fact that our little paradise wasn't without its stormy days. That, what I refer to as "selective ignorance" was, in my opinion, the catalyst for what turned out to be a long downhill drop. We tried valiantly to keep the charade going, to keep up the constant facade, but it didn't take long for it to start to wear on us.
We never were too good with communication. I don't know, maybe we both thought that when we started going out that our communication difficulties would magically cease and all problems would be solved. On the contrary, we rarely brought up any issues such as Australia, Mic, Paraguay or anything else related to our relationship, for fear of fighting and jepoardising the relationship we finally had. Ironic really, when you think about it. It was the one thing that we tried to avoid that eventually tore us apart. Naturally, I can't be certain, but I imagine that if we had spoken about the various issues hanging over our heads and cleared them up once and for all, we may have had a better chance or surviving each other. True, we would have fought about it, but we'd been fighting like cats and dogs for years, so why should a change in our relationship status have changed that fact. We'd always managed to get over our fights and come to some sort of agreement, and I have no doubt that we would have been able to do the same regarding Australia and the like. Either way, it was undoubtedly our lack of communication that caused, or rather allowed, our relationship to fall apart
We didn't end on the best of term. Actually, we barely even ended on terms at all. I can't even recall what we were fighting about, multiple things I'm sure, but I do know that it was the last straw for both of us and ended in a huge and rather public falling out. We haven't seen each other since, and to be honest, I'm not sure I want to; I haven't the slightest clue what I'd do or say if I was to see her again.
Mattie showed me her new green dress yesterday, asked me what I thought. I detest green. I told her it was nice; it is, I just can't stand the colour. I wonder if she has an aversion to the colour white. Probably not.
Tomorrow is five years to the day since the last time I saw her. If you were to ask her, I'm sure she would be able to tell you down to the minute. But she's not here, so the day will just have to do for me. Its little things like that which I miss most about her. I've dated a couple of women since her, but its all seemed so shallow and pointless. Every little detail about them, I would compare against her, and it would be those little things that would drive me nuts. Cameron was always late, Kelly didn't like coffee, Sabrina was Navy. There was nothing wrong with any of these women, it was just that the little things like these reminded me of how they weren't her.
I should have called her, or she called me. Damn my pride. Damn her for being so stubborn. I wonder where she is. I wonder how she's going. I wonder if she's married. Sometimes at night I can almost feel her presence next to me, though usually when I'm half asleep. Then I roll over to put my arm around her and I remember. She's no longer there, no longer mine.
Sometimes I sit alone and think.
And I wonder,
What if....