Hello, my name is Millicent and I am the proud owner of a star destroyer.
Oh I know, it's really my adopted human master General Hux who gets all the credit, but I actually command the ship. No matter where I go my name is respected, humans bow down to me as I pass and routinely pay homage with gifts of food and drink. Everyone is glad to see me... except perhaps that shiny one. I think she is still angry that I slept in her helmet and threw up on her shoes. But it is no matter, one out of thousands is a very good record for any self-respecting ruler. My peers think I am too lenient on my subjects. They think I should overthrow my human and then take control of the galaxy, but that's not really my style. In my experience, it's best to be the kind of ruler that people adore because if they love you they give you free snacks, snuggles and all the play toys a cat could ever want. But if they hate you… well, I've seen what humans do when they hate their leader. They create litter boxes with their faces underneath the sand, like they did for me with that imposter the Supreme Leader Snoke. Although I understand very little of human behavior, even I know what an insult that it. I certainly wouldn't want to be at the bottom of anybody's litter box.
The only one I am wary of on the ship is that human in all black with the laser sword. He sometimes is delighted to see me, like the one time he tried to help me best the evil laser on the wall and gave me a scratch when I tripped the silver one and crawled up her cape. But then at other times he tries to kick me, like when he found out I pooped in his litter box. How was I to know the human keeps important artifacts in litter boxes? Seems stupid if you ask me. That was one of the only times I tried to get Hux to punish one of my subjects for me, but apparently the man in black is royalty because no matter how hard I rubbed against Hux's legs or stared daggers at him, the black-cloaked human seemed exempt from punishment. I eventually accepted it because, despite his attempt on my life, he is the most interesting human I have had the leisure of observing during my time ruling in space. I have seen him talk to himself many times, and once or twice there was a small female with him. It was usually after these times that I could get him to let me sleep on his stuff, so I was always very pleased when she came. She also saw me once and actually gave me a very excellent pat. I like her, and the one in black told me that I couldn't tell anyone I'd seen her.
I liked the idea of having a secret at the time, so I agreed. Once when I was mad at the cloaked human I tried to tell Hux about the female, but he was very busy at the time and wasn't giving me his full attention so I gave up and spit on his shoes instead.
That taught him never to ignore me again because I meant business.
Hux wasn't too terrible though. Unlike the humans with their Supreme Leader, I suppose I got very lucky with my choice of master. Hux is a very attentive and flattering human and an excellent henchman. He makes sure that I have everything I could ever need to rule the ship: a warm bed, daily visits to the bridge where I get to sit at the prow and survey my domain, and a pond of fish I can take a swipe at whenever I'm in the mood. Day in and day out as I stride throughout my ship, he makes sure all the other humans snap at attention. One of them even made me a commanders hat once, and I got away with being the true master for a day before the Supreme Leader told Hux to get rid of it. I didn't use my litter box gift until after that moment, and I made sure Hux felt my displeasure by swiping at his hand. But just like any good henchman, he made up for it by giving me a nice collar with my name on it. I awarded him with a gift of a mouse on his pillow. I waited behind the curtains to watch his reaction.
He squealed. I counted my reward as an unmitigated success.
Yes, despite all his shortcomings, my human always treats me like a queen and is the kind of ally to be treasured. It's not very often your human will let you sleep in the middle of their bed all night, nap on their uniform, and then let you lounge on their shoulders and bat at your nose during very important meetings. He's also very understanding of my moods and leaves me alone when I want to brood. Occasionally he'll even allow me to tear up the stack of papers he always has lying around, or wander through the legs of all his fellow humans to make them sneeze. He thinks it's a funny joke. We usually share secret smiles. He would make a good ruler if he weren't a human.
Indeed, my peers have it all wrong. I have everything I could ever want here and now: adoration, henchmen, a warm place to nap, and occasionally Mr. Snuggly the squishy Porg. Life is good as the supreme commander.