I Sometimes Wish...
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Hysterical he was, hysterical indeed. He laughed, choking on his tears, the body cradled in his arms unmoving, whispering cold clouding it's skin. It's a dream, a fairytale, a movie, a joke, it has to be! It's got to be! This isn't real, it isn't real! He shouted among his thoughts, hoping the fallen beauty in his arms was just a doll, just a doll soaked in flowing crimson, just a doll being smothered by his tears, just a doll with it's eyes lifeless and mouth hanging open in horror...just...just a doll.
The waterfalls shimmering down his cheeks soon dissolved, leaving their trail behind, and his laughs, too, evaporated along with them, his face now twisted in disbelief, confusion, shock, hurt and disconsolateness. Even though his face had been cornered in such emotions, he still smiled briefly, distantly continuing to believe this was one, sick dream. Everything surrounding him was gone, he couldn't see, hear, feel or touch that was around him, except for the broken body trapped in horrid depths of death.
The tap on his shoulder, the shrill call of his name, it all went unnoticed as he stared into the endless warps of the deceased's eyes. No thoughts booked a hotel in his mind at the moment, those eyes had been so spiritful once before, and now they held nothing but the ashes of it's once burning flame. With a sudden jerk, the body was lifted out his arms and everything was captured in a video camera. Frantically, he looked up, his eyes brimming with shock, yet absolute emptiness. "Tala," the one know holding the body spoke, both harshly and softly,"you have to get ahold of yourself! He's...dead...he's not coming back. Don't think you're the only one going to suffer and is already suffering."
"Suffer?" the redhead laughed shortly, lifting himself off the ground,"Suffer? Oh, no worries my dear, Kai, I'm not suffering. This, this is all a dream. I-I'm going to wake up after his funeral, or-or maybe before that!"
The other could merely just stare at his friend, then looked down at the boy in his arms. "Tala.." he whispered, staring intently at the disfigured face,"Ray is dead. This is no dream! Can't you realise that?!" he brought his gaze over to the Russian, who was looking at the dirt.
He shakily took a breath,"But I already have, I had the instant he was shot...I...I just don't want to believe it. I want to make it a dream, make it all a dream, make it never happen! Wish this pain away!" he cried, his tears renewed,"I just want Ray back! Is that too much to ask for?! Is it?!"
The slatehaired boy could only shake his head,"It's not too much to ask for, Tal." ice-blue eyes looked up,"I've asked for it many times already, and I know everyone else has, too. He's the one everyone loved, the one everyone could turn to if they needed help. He was always there, and we'll never forget that. But, Tal?"
"Y-yeah?" the redhead took a small step foreward, exhaustion reeling his mind.
"And he'll keep staying there by us, in our hearts, in our minds. He's never going to leave, even if he is gone." Tala smiled weakly, before closing his eyes and falling to the ground, unconciousness winning his body.
--
He looked over at the young boy, accompanied by his father, when they had called his name. He just smiled weakly and told them to go on ahead, saying he would catch up. The boy's father nodded, eyes brimmed with concern, then grabbed his sons hand and walked off. Sighing, he turned back to the grave, tears freshly brewing in his eyes.
"Ten years..." he whispered, staring at the name imprinted on the stone,"...It's been ten years since that day...and...Everyone's been doing fine, living their lives to the fullest, getting married, having children, travelling around the world...Everyone except for me. I've just been brooding, living in a tidal wave of guilt, insecurity and pain, maybe not physical pain, but definitely emotional." he traced his fingers alongside the stone, trying desperately to withdraw his tears a bit,"I've been living with Kai and his son, Gou, in their house. Not once has Kai tried to kick me out, probably because Gou sees me as his uncle...You know, I don't believe I've met Kai's wife yet, but Gou looks exactly like his father, isn't it funny how that happens?
Mariah's even married, despite all of this. At first she tried to commit suicide, but one person helped her. Do you know who that is? Most likely not...I'm betting you're thinking Kevin, or Lee, maybe even Gary, right? But, truth be told, it was actually Spencer. Hard to believe, huh? At first everyone thought they were joking around, but after a while, everyone commited to their relationship, sonn helping out with their wedding and such. They have a daughter named Rin, and she looks exactly like Mariah. They're expecting another child too..."
He sighed, his hand brushing over the name again,"Ray...I was in denial the first nine years after your death, I was starving myself, yet Kai and everyone else always got me to eat enough so I wouldn't kill myself. But now...I'm better, yet still not ready to give in for marriage, or a child...Because I've realised something...I love you, Ray...and not like fangirl love, or crush love, I mean actual love. Nobody's attracting me to them, and I figured out that you had been the only one who had...And...I sometimes wish I had figured this out sooner, so you wouldn't be buried in the ground, so you wouldn't have been shot...
"And even though you're always with me...I sometimes wish...that I could tell you those words in person..." he smiled shakily, his hand returning to his side. A small gasp escaped his lips as his eyes widened, he looked over his shoulder, looked around every place near him. His eyes locked with a bird in a tree, chirping happily, soon spreading its wings and flying, landing on his shoulder. The bird nicked his cheek lightly, flying away nearly immediately, while he could only smile caressing his cheek where the bird had just touched.
And through that bird, he heard his voice, his smile, his eyes shining as he said,"I love you too, Tala.."