Disclaimer: I do not own anything about Veronica Mars, and this is the first and only time I'm going to say it;).
This is a story I've been working on for quite awhile now, so more chapters will follow soon. I'm not a native English speaker so I apologize in advance for any mistakes and if you spot them, please tell me! This is my take on how things would've worked out for Veronica if Lilly hadn't died, mainly focusing on Veronica's character growth. No big mysteries, I guess, but I hope you'll enjoy it nevertheless!
I.
'Come on Veronica, you're not even paying attention!'
Veronica opened her eyes and snapped back to reality. She was at the Kane estate, like old times, sitting in one of the lounge chairs by the pool side. Lilly was waving her hand in front of her face, obviously impatient and even a little bit annoyed.
They hadn't seen each other for the majority of the summer holidays. Veronica hadn't seen much of Neptune at all, since her dad thought she needed some time off. He'd proposed she'd go to some family friends in Portland and she had readily accepted his offer. The four weeks she'd spend there had been nice, and when she returned she was even capable of spending some time with Lilly Kane again.
It wasn't that they hadn't stayed in touch during the school year, but things had changed, even before the 'Big Reveal', as Veronica called it. Their once so close foursome had fallen apart. Duncan avoided her in every way possible and Logan and Lilly seemed to be broken up for good. Well, they'd tried, getting back together a couple of times, but it was definitely not with the same passion as before. Logan was still hanging out with Duncan a lot, but they seemed to avoid the Kane Estate whenever Veronica came over.
And then that happened. Lilly had never been good at keeping secrets, even when this one would potentially ruin her best friend's life.
'Veronica, we're sisters!'
Like it was all some sort of show, like she expected her to be happy and excited.
Didn't she understand she was tearing Veronica's perfect world apart with every word she said? She didn't even look at her friend shocked expression while explaining the whole situation, a big smile on her face. 'Your mom and my dad, well, they had this thing going, ever since high school… makes sense because my mom's the worst… So you and Duncan, it was never going to work out, really… but we're fine, aren't we? Isn't this the best?'
She'd ran. She had been running ever since.
'Hey, earth to Mars! Has Portland filled your head with fog?'
Kane Estate. Lilly Kane. Come on, Veronica, keep yourself together.
'Sorry, what were you asking again?'
'What about Ben? What do you think of him?'
'I don't know, he seems nice…'
'Yeah, but nice won't do it. Nice is just another word for boring.'
She couldn't help herself and giggled. 'You're never satisfied, aren't you Lil?'
Lilly looked at her and smirked. 'Don't suppose I'll ever be. You, on the other hand…'
'What about me?'
'You'd settle for almost everyone. Don't look at me like that, you know it's true! One romantic gesture and he's swept you of your feet. I mean, if you'd even go for Duncan…' She threw her head back and laughed.
Before the Big Reveal, Veronica had never gotten into fights with her best friend. She loved Lilly and even though her behavior shocked her sometimes, she didn't say anything about it. But after shit hit the fan, their relationship had lost its certainty. Lilly's remarks had become more malicious too, often trying to provoke her, to get a response out of her. It didn't matter what kind of response, clearly. And Veronica couldn't just let things slide anymore.
'Stop being such a bitch, Lilly.'
An uncomfortable silence followed, so unlike their silences from the past. She remembered those days at the poolside. They'd talked and gossiped until they grew tired, dozing off only to wake up to the sound of a car pulling up the driveway, meaning her dad had arrived to pick her up. You really thought those days would last forever?
Yes. Yes, she had.
In many ways, this was a new Veronica. Her connection with Lilly, even if it wasn't as close as it used to be, made her a part of the tightly knit 09'er circle. But the past year, she'd noticed that her status was crumbling. Lilly was going to be a senior now. Next year she'd be on her own and they'd probably drop her like a stone.
She didn't even mind it that much – most of the 09'ers were just fake and boring. See? A new Veronica for sure. Last year you were always so concerned about your reputation.
She said goodbye to Lilly after they'd made some vague agreement to see each other soon and walked back to her car. She had her own car now, which was a plus. It wasn't new and it wasn't shiny, but she liked it and the new sense of independence it gave her.
Lilly's Big Reveal had turned her world upside down, but it had also opened her eyes and given her some clarity. She still believed her mom loved her dad, and dad definitely thought the world of Lianne, but their family life had never been perfect. There had been fights. There had been painful silences. She'd found liquor bottles and empty pillboxes. Now she looked behind her mom's cheerful façade and saw the broken woman she was so desperately trying to hide.
At first, she couldn't think about Jake Kane because her emotions would boil over. She couldn't think about Duncan because it made her vomit. She'd loved him and he'd just turned his back on her. He couldn't even begin to know how much she'd pined for him, how much she'd wanted him back. But that burning heartache turned into a soft, throbbing pain she'd pushed to the background. Her life didn't revolve around Duncan Kane, not anymore. She had to let it go.
But even though she'd turned her back on Lilly, the idea that they could be sisters added yet another layer to their already complicated relationship. Lilly hadn't dropped her completely, like she thought she would. Maybe some twisted sense of responsibility had gotten the better of her, because she kept trying to keep their friendship intact. And Veronica played along, probably because she needed something familiar to hold onto.
Her stay in Portland hadn't filled her head with fog, it had only helped her to make a decision. She had walked around for six months with the knowledge that her mom had cheated on her dad and Jake Kane might be her father, and although she feared the truth, it was driving her crazy. She didn't want to guess anymore, she wanted to know. She needed to know who her mother actually was, and what happened between her and Jake Kane. And more than anything, she needed to know if Keith Mars was her real father.