More chapters comin'...umm I've already started another story...but I don't really feel like writing inymore, I don't really like it...if you want to read it it's called "Beginning at the Beginning" but I don't really intend to write anymore. Ummm...slash warning, even if you didn't catch that in the summary...please review, please...I need to know what people think, even if they don't like it. No flames please. You don't like slash, you don't read. SOrry about the crappy title...will most likely change...Oh and single quotations ('blahblah') are ALWAYS Harry's thoughts. Thanks bunches!
Sydonia a.k.a. Syd
'Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. No. I can't be this way...no. He would hate me. After hating me, he would be disgusted. What would he think about me? I can't be this way. And I'm sure he's not...that way. He's too perfect.'
These were often Harry's thoughts night after night as he watched Ron sleep. Harr would lay in his bed and be content just to listen to the soft sound of Ron dreaming and the swishing of his pajamas over the sheets when he rolled over. Oh, how Harry wished he could just be able to let Ron see his desire and not try to hide it.
'No no no no no. I can't let him know. I can love him from a distance. Love? Was it love? Do I really love him? God I don't know. What would he think of me? For God's sake...he's a guy, I'm a guy. NO! It can't be this way! There's no way that I can be like that. What would people think of me? What would he think of me? Even if he can't love me, I think I would die if I lost his friendship. I can't be that way!'
He decided to tempt fate and go steal a look at his best friend.
Silently, Harry slipped out of bed and padded over to Ron's in his slippers.
Hary stood over the sleeping form and sighed deeply. He built up
his courage and softly brushed a finger across Ron's freckled cheek.
The skin was so soft under Harry's fingers. Ron jumped and opened
his eyes with a snap. Harry hopped backwards and almost tripped over
the rug as Ron scrambled to a sitting position. "God Harry you sacred
the BeJesus out f me! What are you acting at...waking me up like
that?"
"Oh, Ron, sorry. I came over here to pour a glass of water,"
he gestured to the water jug and the basin, "and there was a spider on
you face. So I brushed it away." Harry thought on the spur
of the moment, but nevertheless he blushed. Ron's first instinct
was to jump out of bed to search for the spider, and he did just that.
Whne Harry just stood there, and didn't move, Ron muttered something about
how it probably got away and looked up at Harry from the floor.
"Harry? You okay? You look...funny.":
"Huh? Sorry...a bit tired."
"Oh, okay," Ron said, giving Harry a suspicious look. Harry
notcied this and sent him a quick grin before getting his glass of water
and walking back to bed. Ron seemed to think that was a good response,
and he believed it, because he grinned back - Harry's stomach turned over
- and he too got back into bed.
'Oh God that was close.'
Harry slipped into a fitful sleep, dreaming of telling Ron and not seeing the disgust on his best friend's face. Ron smiled understandably, and hugged Harry to him...telling him not to cry. Being told that Ron loved him too...no one mattered as long as they were together. But, it was only a dream. Harry knew that dreams don't come true.
The next morning, Harry woke early to go practice on the Quidditch field. He didn't wake early on purpose, but needed to get away from Ron. The desire was too strong. Harry knew that he could fly his troubles away if he worked to exaushtion. The Firebolt zoomed around the Quidditch pitch, but Harry was still distracted. Harry sped towards the ground, and nearly slammed into the grass before coming out of the dive. He tried to rocket his broom upwards again, but didn't pay enough attention, and the turn wasn't sharp nough. The broom's tail raked across the dirt and several twigs broke and frayed. Harry landed again and cursed softly while examining the damage.
'Oh God, I can't even keep my attention on my flying. All I see is Ron's beautiful face. I wish I could take Ron on my broom and wrap my arms around his waist and laugh and laugh and show him the sunset.'
Harry thought about this as he made his way up to the castle to fix
his broom before breakfast. Ron was just stumbling down the stairs
when Harry arrived at the common room. He grinned lopsidedly when
he saw Harry and his wind-whipped hair climbing through the portrait hole.
"Hey Harry. Early Quidditch practice? How come I wasn't informed?"
Ron was the team's Keeper and Captain.
"Just me, I wanted to work on my dives. I came back when
this happened." Harry gestured to the broken twigs.
"Harry I think your mind was somewhere else today. That's
never happened before has it? What was on your mind?"
"Er, Potions test today."
'Now I have to lie to him! Why the bloody hell can't I be normal? A normal boy? First the spider, then this! What can I do? I'm going to lose him!'
"Oh yeah, I remember. At least we can fail together, eh?" Ron chuckled. Harry did too, but inside he felt warm at the word together.
Hermione came bounding down the stairs, and Harry mentally thanked her for saving the awkward silence. They made their way down to the Dining Hall. The three of them were eating eggs and oatmeal when the Owl Post came in, dropping letters on people's heads and in people's cereal. Hedwig came by, to steal a piece of toast, nip Harry's ear and fly away. Ron and Hermione laughed when Harry mock glared at Hedwig and rubbed his ear.
'He's got such a great laugh.'
It was all Harry could do to keep from dragging Ron into a closet and spilling his intermost feelings towards his best friend to his face. He sat on his hands to kep from brush away Ron's hair when it fluttered across his brow. Every time Ron looked at Harry, he maksed the look in his eyes and de-furrowed his eyebrows so Ron wouldn't notice anything odd.
Everything went okay, Harry didn't humiliate himself, and continued
to admire Ron from a distance. Hermione stayed happy and unknowing,
so did Ron, but Harry's insides were in a whirl. He had kept his
cover well.
Christmas Eve came. It was just Harry, Ron, Hermione, and a couple
of first years left in the common room. Harry had notcied how Ron
was becoming quite the ladies' man. He became just a pair of eyes
with glasses as he watched as Ron spin a nervous looking first year as
they danced to imaginary music. Harry wanted to feel Ron's warm hands
in his own, but couldn't help thinking about the image it would make.
It just wouldn't work. No one would accept it.
Harry excused himself and went upstairs. He laid in bed ontop of his sheets and looked over the mental pictures of him and Ron. Arms around each other in a brotherly fashion, holding up mugs of Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks. Both of the were laughing and kept clinking their glasses together. Then there was Ron twirling a gnome in the air. Harry admired the muscles in his arms. As much as he tried, at seventeen, Harry was still skinny, even if he was tall. The last one was his favorite, and was of them sitting in the armchairs by the fire playing wizard's chess together. Ron was pretending to be annoyed when Harry finally beat him and the black knight slammed Ron's white king to the marble board. Picture followed picture for about an hour or so. Such was their great friendship.
When the mental pictures were done, Harry notcied that the room was blurred. He was crying. For the first time since Dumbledor told him about his parent's, Harry Potter was cryting. He hoped against hope that Ron wouldn't come in. No such luck. The tall red head walked in just as Harry drew a shuddering breath and more tears poured down his face. One look and Ron knew someting was wrong. Harry didn't cry like that.
Harry tried to wipe away the tears and turn away from Ron, but he was
too late. He stood up to go rinse his face in the basin, but Ron
caught his shoulders and spun him around. "Harry, what's hurtin'
ya mate?" Harry could do no more than sob. The much taller
young man drew Harry into a tight hug. Harry wrapped his arms around
Ron's neck and sobbed with all his strength into Ron's shirt. This
was what he had dreamed about, but the rest was going to become a nightmare,
Harry was sure of that.
"Ron, I think I'm in love. I don't know what to do.
They'll probably turn me down. It just couldn't work." Ron
was surprised, Harry had never really been this upset over a girl before.
Oh sure he had been sad, like every "heart-broken" teenager, but Harry
always kind of shrugged it off. Emotions just never ran this high.
"Harry, with who? What happened?" Harry reluctantly
pulled away and sat on his bed, staring at his hands. Ron walked
over and looked down at the back of Harry's neck.
"Oh God Ron, why do you have to make this so hard?"
"C'mon tell me. I'm your best friend...I won't push you
away. If it's Ginny I don't mind. Take her."
"God Ron it's not Ginny. It's the second youngest Weasley,
not the youngest," Harry muttered, slightly audible. Ron looked stunned,
but then registered what Harry meant. He stumbled backwards and looked
at Harry with horror on his pale face. All the color was gone, and
he just kept muttering, "Oh, God, Oh God." over and over again. Harry
saw the look on his best friend's face and stood up to walk over to Ron.
Ron got the look of a crazed animal as he yelled, "Oh God Harry, go away!
Get away from me!"
This made Harry so torn up inside. He knew this would eventually
happen. Ron wouldn't and couldn't love him. HE was normal.
He just ran to the corner and slumped in a heap. But Ron saw the
look of immense hurt in Harry's eyes as he chanced a glance at Ron's livid
form. Ron steeled himself and waklked untill he was a few feet from
the quivering body that was Harry. Then he muttered, "Harry, I love
you as a brother. But...no...I'm not that way. Even if I was,
what would it look like? I would be even more of a nobody in my family
than I already am! Everyone would call me queer! God all those
times we've shared a room at the Burrow...sleeping before the Quidditch
cup. I thought we were friends...you can't do this to me! What
is your bloody problem?"
Harry said nothing. But his mind was still going, and the
tears were pouring down his face even more steadily than before.
'Ron, how could you? I knew you'd never accept it. Now you hate me. It can never be the same. But why? Why do I disgust you? Your family won't care. Please Ron, please.'
Ron ran from the room, slamming the door behind him.
* * * * * * * * * *
Thank you and plase review! :)