Chapter One

Dean paced back and forth across the tiny hotel room, a nervous expression stricken across his face. He chewed his lip in between his teeth as he paced. The eighteen year old was battling the thoughts that flooded his mind, thoughts he knew were wrong. Thoughts that simultaneously disgusted him and aroused him. Thoughts about his baby brother, Sammy. Dean loved his little brother more than life itself, his little brother was his entire world, no his entire universe. Sam was the sun, and Dean was the Earth revolving around it. Dean had gone out of his way their entire childhood to make sure his Sammy was happy and that he was safe.

Dean stopped pacing the room and sat on the edge of one of the two queen beds in the room. He sat perched on the edge, his hands gripping the side as though he were holding onto the edge of a cliff about to plummet to his death. He thought back to their early childhood spent in many a hotel room, with only two beds. His father always taking the one closest to the door leaving his two sons to share the one by the window. Sammy had, as long as Dean could remember slept with his head on his chest, nestled into his side. Sammy suffered terrible nightmares as a child and he would wake up in the night, crying and gripping onto Dean like he was his life preserver.

Dean would jerk awake and wrap his arms around the little boy, himself only four years older and comfort him while their father slept soundly, snoring like a freight train in the other bed. Dean was the one Sam went to for comfort as a child, their father being a stern and foreboding presence hardened after the loss of the love of his life. He loved his boys, Dean knew that but the only way he knew to express it was by telling them to buckle up in the car and to eat all their vegetables. Dean and Sam had slept together until Sam was ten and Dean fourteen, their father putting an end to it and from then on Sam slept on a roll away bed. Sammy had been apprehensive to the idea, putting up a fight with their father which ended after their father called him a pussy. Sam shut up at that, tears of anger flooding his eyes as their father left the hotel room to head to a bar he'd seen down the street.

"Hey Sammy," Dean had said pulling his brother in for a hug. "It'll be alright, you can pull you bed up next to mine and I sleep on the edge and I'll still be close if you need me in the night." Sammy only nodded his head which was tucked to Dean's chest, a few tears escaping from the sensitive boy. "You know dad doesn't mean what he said, he's just stressed about this hunt."

"He's always stressed about a hunt," Sam muttered bitterly, the tears forgotten as anger towards his father boiled inside him.

"Hey how about we watch a movie, I think we've got some popcorn. You go pick out a movie and put it in and I'll go make the popcorn.

Dean remembered how they'd sat curled up on his bed together eating popcorn and watching Sam's favorite movie for the hundredth time. But Dean didn't mind at all, he had his Sammy with him and he felt warm and content holding him in his arms. Dean had had the feelings even before then but it was that night after tucking Sammy into his own bed and moving to sleep on the roll away bed himself that he put a name to these feelings. Love.

And not just the love of a brother, the love he felt for his Sammy was much more than that. Laying on the roll away bed that night, Dean watched his little brother, so scrawny, looking adorable nestled in the faded white sheets. His eyes took in every inch of the little boy who was growing up so fast before his eyes, no longer the baby he'd carried from the burning house. Now a kid, hell almost a teenager. Already he was beginning to sprout up like a weed, his pants never quite long enough.

Dean thought these thoughts and almost as soon as they entered his mind he pushed them away. Not his little brother, he thought panicked, he couldn't think these thoughts about him, it was wrong, so so wrong. He was supposed to be looking at girls, girls his own age. But then again he'd never been in one place long enough to really interact with girls. And anytime his father made comments about a particularly chesty waitress Dean had never really seen the appeal. He didn't want to think about it anymore, so he turned over and faced the curtains that covered the window and went to sleep.

Dean let go on his tight grip of the bed when he heard the noise outside the door, it was Sammy returning from a trip to the store. He stepped in the room, now at fourteen he was taller than Dean much to his pleasure as he kept lauding that fact over his big brother. He was laden with grocery bags full of canned good and chips and soda. "Hey De," he said as he walked in the room.

"Hey baby bro," Dean said getting up to help him with the bags. He took a few bags from his brother's hand and tried to ignore the feelings that seeing Sammy gave him. His hair, Dean loved his hair, it was longer right now hanging down to his ears. He'd talked about needing a haircut and Dean hoped he would hold off because he loved his hair longer. Maybe he should get it cut. The two unloaded the groceries in relative silence, the older of the two too preoccupied to make small talk.

The two were unusually quiet that night as they lounged around the hotel room, watching TV. Sam made them dinner, it was Campbell's tomato soup and grilled cheese one of Sam's specialties. After they'd eaten Sam had rushed over to the tiny kitchenette and pulled something out of the cupboard. "What ya got there?" Dean asked curiously, still sat at the kitchen table. Sammy walked towards him with a sly grin on his face.

"I saw these at the store and thought of my big brother and his certain affinity for a certain dessert and thought to get you something."

"Pie, did you get me a pie?!"

"Well sort of," he said revealing from behind his back a small apple pie like the kind you got at McDonalds.

"Fuck yes," Dean said clapping and reaching out to take the tiny pie. "You're the best, baby bro," Dean said with his mouth full of pie and a happy grin on his face.

"Well you're a pretty good brother and I guess I kind of love you."

"I love you too, baby bro," Dean said softly in return, biting back the thought of just how much and in which way he loved his little brother. He felt ashamed.