Wishing You a Merry Little Christmas
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Note: I hope everybody had a happy holiday season, surrounded by loved ones. ^o^ I hoped I could finish this by actual Christmas Day, but oh well~!
I have a version with the conversation in messenger format posted on AO3 website, please go check it out if you want a more MysMe feel to the chat room convo.
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The clock was ticking close to midnight hours, marking the last puffing breath taken by a gentle autumn wind.
"Hmm~~~! Another rehearsal aced! OKAY!"
Zen's schedule had finally come to a well-deserved end as he was ready to leave towards his apartment. He was currently catching up with everything he had missed from within the MysMe chat room during his intense practice session. It was not a difficult read but a disappointing one actually, with Jumin mumbling worthless nonsense regarding his meowing pest *SNEEZE* and ordering Jaehee around like this was some kind of C&R app and not the R.F.A.'s device.
"Pretentious bastard.", he growled.
The previous chats were not fairing any better with Yoosung's weekly rant about his awful college courses and the lack of meaning to his dull existence, issues rapidly forgotten with the apparition of his LOLOL raids. It was quickly followed on by Seven's shameless taunts to Zen's senses and sensitive body. The red haired hacker was far too invested into his cross-dressing practices, so much, that it was becoming too much for Zen to successfully handle and come out of it unscathed. He had been taken aback by Seven's bold pranks, the actor unable to clearly distinguish people's genders in the images he'd sometimes receive: whether it was a beautiful, innocent woman's portrait mailed to him on purpose or the hacker's own selfie, where he would be sporting lots of makeup, a platinum blonde wig and a dress revealing the naked skin of his thigh –
"No, no, no! Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, bad thoughts!"
The silver haired male sighed heavily, blaming the weakness of his exhausted mind on the extreme loneliness he was experiencing due to his lack of dating opportunities. He put aside his phone and wondered why he continued keeping the messenger installed, having not yet removed that bloody menace. It had been a full year and counting since Rika's abrupt passing – and the R.F.A. parties had yet resumed with their planning. Moreover, it did not seem like V had the intention of restarting them either.
Ever.
It didn't take long for Zen's few sponsors – acquired from their previously held parties – to move onto fresher and popular acts, thus leaving the silver haired youth with empty promises of aid. So the app had pretty much run its usage to him, the actor ultimately gaining no benefits out of it.
...
He was lying, LOL!
Zen had an inner rush to share every tidbit he had at his disposal in order to brighten up the gloomy MysMe atmosphere. If he could not proceed with finding anything of interest, then his beautifully sculpted features would just have to do. After all, his face was like a renowned healing balm, a gift of the gods sent on earth to bless humanity and ease any wounds tainting their battered souls. It would be a grave sin to conceal these wonders of Zen! Not to mention Jaehee was the only member in the organization who would truly appreciate the actor's efforts and acknowledge his esteemed selflessness – she deserved the treat~! The C&R assistant would constantly be raising the young performer's spirits with an array of compliments and cute comments – the less talking there was about fur balls, the better the environment was.
For both of them.
Plus, Zen kind of owed it to V to keep lingering with these weirdoes.
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And to Rika...
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He would withstand any aggravating silver spoon fed CEO heir so he could repay these two who had helped him tremendously throughout his career, their support and advices quite precious and dear.
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Anywho...
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Things were looking pretty smooth in the actor's life as the tireless work he had been pouring into his acting career at the theatre was steadily ripening fruits, some rather delicious ones harboring an addictive nectar which he couldn't wait to fully savor. Zen was like a small child, skipping down the building's stone steps with sincere glee whilst humming the short tune of one of his two solo acts in the upcoming play.
Two whole solo acts where his supreme talents and handsome features would be in the spotlight!
Of course, he had been given roughly 57 seconds of this honor, in which the actual lead artist of the play would be preparing for an outfit change before taking reigns of the story again. No matter for the actor was feeling extremely thankful because of the role, short as it may have been. He was slowly, but surely, getting the recognition he had been thirsting for as a young rookie in this theatre company.
And, soon enough, the stage shall belong to him.
"One day..."
Even the director had praises in store for the silver haired youth, grinning his widest possible while Zen was in the middle of his performance. No extra words were needed to be spoken out loud.
Nothing, I say, nothing in this world could ruin this cheerful mood for him!
Nothing at all –
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"For the weather outside is frightful ~!"
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*FREEZE*
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"Oh no."
Zen did notice how the weather was growing colder and colder, but he was never one to be bothered by such changes, far too focused on his duties to pay real attention to the outside world.
Calendar included.
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"But the fire is so delightful ~!"
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His looks were good enough to heat up anyone laying his or hers eyes upon his royal figure.
Really, a mirror at his side and the effect could be well used on himself.
Without failure~!
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"And since we've got no place to go ~!"
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*sigh* He should have been attentive to the changing seasons and mentally prepare himself for the consequences of the approaching winter.
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"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ~!"
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~oOo~
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And let it snow would happen mere days later, taking the actor by surprise while inspecting the blanket of ice and snow that was draping the city in its colors.
As did every year the dreaded festive season began.
Unfortunately, Zen was never one able to fully enjoy these wintery celebrations, Christmas being completely unforgiving to his soul.
Because of his 'single-man' status.
One evening, while trotting through poorly lit roads, Zen's crimson eyes mistakenly peeled away from the path up ahead and searched his surroundings to identify the shape shifting cafes he used to be familiar with once. Spirited decorations and twinkling lights were now present in each of these stores – every single place where one could think of spending time inside the city had been filled up to the brim with holiday cheers and...
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Couples.
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So many couples had been sprouting around that it felt like an unwanted invasion in Zen's view, whose good mood was fading after witnessing each pair holding hands, hugging, kissing, and –
"ASHI!"
His crimson eyes were burning and tearing up from the overflowing cutesy images of love and bittersweet emotions. Zen wanted a girlfriend so freaking badly, dammit! But he did not have a suitable career to easily find one. Or maintain a relationship in relative peace. It wasn't as if he couldn't speak with women, the actor was definitely not shy to engage in chatter with the opposite gender. What's more, there were plenty of opportunities on a day to day basis where he could engage with women uninterrupted. Though, heavens forbid he should attempt anything with the actresses playing at the theatre or his few loyal fans – the silver haired male was pretty desperate with his loneliness, nevertheless he did not reach the deepest pit of it.
Yet.
Dating within the theatre company wasn't specifically denied, however it was not desirable, nor encouraged to pursue because of some past incidents at the workplace. Careers could end up affected as well and, honestly, Zen did not want the hassle and risk jeopardizing his lifelong dreams.
At least, not unless it was for the right person.
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The very right one which would make losing them feel far more unbearable
than losing an acting gig.
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"Tch..."
Still, temptation was a hard matter to ignore considering how many movie posters depicting full-bloom romances were scattered around the neighborhood and numerous busy crossroads –the area of the theatre was especially cruel. Oh, right~! Their own winter play was based on a popular love story from folklore where the protagonists fought through painful obstacles and survived many setbacks to experience a once-in-a-century romance.
Quite a good one, Zen loved its story and message.
"..."
Meh, he may love it less nowadays.
Ah well, the only positive he could get out of this celebration was the fact that it did not reach the highest level of discomfort manageable. It could not compare to the utterly depressing Valentine's Day apocalypse – a vicious burn would surely haunt the seconds of solitude inside his isolated heart.
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~oOo~
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[ZEN]: Everyone.
[ZEN]: Look at this!
[ZEN]: *inserts movie-posters screenshot*
[ZEN]: My Lady in Red Dress, A Love Through the Ages, Titan IC, The Note Booklet...
[ZEN]: Ah... what is it with these images that make my heart continuously flutter?
[ZEN]: *sighing emoji*
[ZEN]: I know.
[ZEN]: Everywhere my gaze touches there are couples wearing matching outfits and walking so closely together...
[ZEN]: There is barely room left on the sidewalk for the rest of us who are suffering alone!
[ZEN]: And by the rest of us...
[ZEN]: *defeated emoji*
[ZEN]: I mean myself. T-T
[ZEN]: I swear... single people stick out too obviously outdoors now!
[ZEN]: Problem is – I can't seem to find them anywhere!
[ZEN]: I can't be the only guy who doesn't have a girlfriend in this city!
[ZEN]: Are my eyes defective or was I really cursed by the jealous gods of the sky, envious of my perfect body proportions and beauty?!
[ZEN]: Must I be this harshly punished and forced to walk amongst happy, ever cheerful couples during my every waking moment?!
[ZEN]: Ashi...
[ZEN]: So unfair how much one has to suffer because of their otherworldly visuals...
[ZEN]: I'm dying to go on a date.
[ZEN]: Being alone on Christmas is terrible.
[ZEN]: Being alone and spotting couples everywhere...
[ZEN]: *crying emoji*
[ZEN]: Maybe even at my show.
[ZEN]: Oh, god no... T-T
[ZEN]: Or...
[ZEN]: ...
[ZEN]: AH!
[ZEN]: *excited emoji*
[ZEN]: Right, maybe some of these couples will come to see one of my opening shows!
[ZEN]: Even if my role isn't substantial in these plays, I know I will be making a lasting impact!
[ZEN]: The role I have for this show is a super attractive character, definitely on par with the lead – if not better in terms of visuals.
[ZEN]: My char kind of leads people to the path of destruction and intensifies the conflicts the protagonists go through.
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[ZEN]: The homme fatale.
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[ZEN]: Muhahahahaha~!
[ZEN]: *cheerful emoji*
[ZEN]: AH!
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[ZEN]: A really good idea just came to me!
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[ZEN]: I will do a performance so great that the people in the audience will all but forget the love they share for each other.
[ZEN]: INSTEAD!
[ZEN]: They will become completely and irreparably enraptured by my expressive presence, to the point they won't be capable of gazing at each other with adoration anymore, but only watch me intently.
[ZEN]: And me only!
[ZEN]: By the end of the evening, I'll have gained new fans because of the lasting impressions I shall leave on them imprinted.
[ZEN]: Forever.
[ZEN]: They'll notice that something shall be missing from their daily lives after they return home!
[ZEN]: Being together will not be satisfying anymore!
[ZEN]: Being happy will not be possible –
[ZEN]: Unless!
[ZEN]: They shall come for a second round of my shows.
[ZEN]: Soon enough, the super excited couple will come to a sudden halt – their love will fade!
[ZEN]: The 'single-man' curse shall mercilessly spread upon my new fans who would then be bringing their couple friends at the next viewings, thus repeating the curse and passing it on to countless others.
[ZEN]: And so on, and so far.
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[ZEN]: YES!
[ZEN]: Perfect Christmas plan~!
[ZEN]: *cheerful emoji*
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[Jumin Han]: ...
[Jumin Han]: Human companionship is nothing to be envious of or create such a ruckus over.
[Jumin Han]: However, I would not trade the tight bond I share with my truest love for all the riches in the world.
[Jumin Han]: *inserts picture of Elizabeth the Third*
[Jumin Han]: *happy emoji*
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[ZEN]: *angry emoji*
[ZEN]: SINCE WHEN WERE YOU EVEN HERE?!
[Jumin Han]: *inserts picture of Elizabeth the Third*
[ZEN]: #$% ^&&#%*
[707]: I'm lonely too, Zen!
[707]: We can go on a date together ~
[707]: Oppa~!
[707]: *inserts cross dressing picture*
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– ZEN has left the chat room –
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[Jumin Han]: Typical ill-mannered behavior from Zen.
[707]: Well, he is allergic to kitties~! Unlike him though, I appreciate these pics with my Elly!
[Jumin Han]: It's Elizabeth the Third and she is definitely not yours.
[707]: Let me have a date with my Elly~!
[Jumin Han]: Stay far away from her.
[707]: *inserts cross dressing picture as Jaehee*
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[Jumin Han]: Stay far away from my Elizabeth the Third!
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– Jumin Han has left the chat room –
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[707]: Aw... don't be like that. T-T
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– 707 has left the chat room –
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[Jaehee Kang]: ...
[Jaehee Kang]: Why was Luciel in that outfit?!
[Jaehee Kang]: *i-can't-believe-this sigh*
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– Jaehee Kang has left the chat room –
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[Yoosung]: Eh...
[Yoosung]: What did I miss here?! O-O
[Yoosung]: Guys? T-T
[Yoosung]: ...
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– Yoosunghas left the chat room –
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~oOo~
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Zen did not dislike Christmas in its essence. He had no issue with this western holiday and the joy it would bring families and friends altogether, smiles and laughter quite prevalent down the streets...
Or at the theatre.
Any celebration was, in fact, a darn good excuse to take a step back and try to forget the pains of everyday living. Have a breather from worldly problems and recharge the batteries. Zen was cool with the idea and, generally, did not refuse a reason to be in high spirits. However...
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There was a big problem.
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What could a handsome actor do when such a beloved holiday season was a constant reminder of his emotional isolation, where he could find no relief or happiness unless he pretended to be someone he wasn't in reality? Unless he portrayedhis wishes and dreams by attributing his own feelings, desires and thoughts onto the characters he played on stage? No other season like winter could best reveal how empty his house truly was, tucked inside the basement of an old building apartment one could easily overlook by how secluded it was – a makeshift apartment that actually used to be the storage facility for the entire complex at one point in the past, but had been refurnished into a tiny two-rooms apartment.
*THUD*
Zen could barely afford the cost of living at the beginning of his artistic journey even when he would be starving himself for weeks, eating just a spoonful of plain rice daily and sometimes leftovers brought to him by his kinder workmates. One would ask why he did not seek help from relatives and get their support since he was truly a talented being and incredibly hardworking, the most promising rookie belonging in that company.
The actor took great pride in himself that he could accomplish great things and eventually thrive if working his hardest. Sadly, not reaching out to his family was the outcome of following his passionate dreams... they did not want him and for sure had written him off as a disappointment for not following in his brother's footsteps and putting a dent in their plans for him.
Zen did not need to research his suspicions to know he no longer had a family to call his own, nobody to rely on.
Except for the R.F.A.
But the group was not enough to fill in the frozen void creeping inside his heart which had so much room...
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*sigh*
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When will he get to experience a mind blowing love...?
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Zen unlocked the door to his apartment and was met with a penetrating chill spreading through his shaking bones, the actor forgetting to have shut the window in the morning. His tummy ached but the fridge held nothing other than beer, a half-finished can gripped into his cold hands. The TV was running festive themed movies where the characters would gather together with family and feast together from deliciously looking foods, couples exchanging gifts and lovey-dovey moments.
*sigh*
At least with the TV closed, maybe Zen could do a little workout and cheer up –
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I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you~!
You, baby~!
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– Or he could listen to the neighbors' programs and their music.
"Ashi... being single during Christmas is the worst...", he dropped into the couch and sank deep within it, beer cans depleted at his side. If only his loneliness could fade... like magic.
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And his most desperate wishes to come true.
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~oOo~
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"Oppa..."
"..."
"Oppa."
"..."
"Oppa!"
Zen's crimson eyes darted open and bore intensely into a pair of big honey brown orbs. "You're up... have you seen anything out of it?", she asked at eye-level, staring at the actor concerned for he looked unusually disoriented and seemingly in a minor shock. Indeed, the silver haired youth was momentarily confused and quite unsure about what was going on and why was there a woman present in his home. For scarce few seconds he was staring profoundly at the unbelievably pretty lady crouching closely to his body and cupping his hand so boldly.
"Oppa...?", she gently brushed the tips of her fingers across his warm, pale cheeks, searching for any signs that he was experiencing a fever or illness despite knowing the impossibility of such a scenario: Zen was an alien when it came to his health, the actor born with the ability to shield himself against any illnesses.
He quickly came to understand the situation at hand as his brain started functioning to maximum capacity again.
Zen had been in the middle of watching a movie he had desperately wanted to see on Christmas Eve, however sleep mercilessly took over him in the process. Watching it in the dark, right after finishing up his last theatre performance for the year, had been a careless mistake. His schedule was so hectic that his sleep patterns went utterly haywire, the actor running low on steam. He was drained. And sleep was tempting him profoundly, but he would be dammed if he spent this Christmas Eve sleeping considering work had already robbed a lot of his free time at home.
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Stole his precious date nights, too.
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Date nights with the R.F.A.'s party planner, MC, the beautiful human being who could bring forth an indescribable amount of warmth into his life, so much that he felt like bursting with joy regardless the season, holiday or not.
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MC...
His girlfriend.
And his heart's owner.
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Yes, he finally remembered his gorgeous sweetheart and how they had been comfortably dating each other for almost a year now. 'What a strange thing to dream...', Zen smiled in a bittersweet way, apologizing to his precious lady in a weakened tone while pulling her in a short hug. He instantly breathed in her soothing flowery perfume as he buried his head into the crook of her neck.
She was surprised by how sudden his intimate gesture was, nevertheless dismissed his souring mood rapidly while returning his embrace carefully. "It's alright, oppa...", she answered softly.
"I've enjoyed this movie enough to watch it again – when you're not acting as a heavy log.", MC joked and jabbed sharply at the end, breaking off their embrace before he could stop her. The girl rushed into the bedroom now that he was up – his heart slightly ached as he wobbled up on his two feet with the intent of following her.
He remained gloomy and regretful, but was glad that MC was not truly disappointed in him.
"..."
Perhaps...
In fact, MC had never shown him any signs of genuine anger whenever he'd neglect their dates or miss events, although she had the right to scold the actor or... worse. *shudders* She had never demanded unreasonable things from Zen and was mindful of his packed up schedule that barely allowed him leisure activities. He was thankful, but could not help from feeling concerned how laidback she'd appear with the situation. He'd heard actors at work complain of their significant others leaving them for less reasons and it raised his heartbeat levels dangerously.
Thus, the silver haired male tried his best to maintain the party planner's happiness but lately... he could barely do so.
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Ashi... he was failing terribly...
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But MC was a patient angel and it made Zen grateful.
She was the type to secretly be happy whenever he had successfully managed to take any chance at resting because it made her worries about his health lessen. The party planner noted how poorly the actor could sometimes manage his daily routine – it was something she had observed from before they even officially began dating, during their first meeting face-to-face. The pain of discovering such an empty fridge in his home (apart from his beer snacks which did not count as a meal) remained with MC to this day and she vowed never to let such a travesty take place into the future.
"Eh? What are you doing, jagiya?", Zen voiced out a bit scared as he saw MC putting on her street coat and ready to leave. "You forgot, didn't you?", she accused with eyes narrowed down and this time he playfully defended his reaction – of co-course he wouldn't forget!
Ahem...
"Jaehee's coffee shop is opened for another hour and everybody else is waiting for us there.", she calmly explained and shook her head after noting Zen's change in expression.
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Yup, he completely forgot.
*sigh*
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~oOo~
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"Jagi!", Zen stopped her midway from opening the front door as the clock struck the midnight hour, the beeping of a clock alerting him of an important fact he should not miss! "Hm –", she turned her head unsuspecting of his mischievous plan.
Her lips had been caged without another warning as the actor's arms snaked around her small frame, pressing her figure as closely as possible to his in an iron-tight trap. The kiss was so entirely out of the blue that she did not register the action in time in order to react accordingly before he parted his lips, face continuing to stay mere inches from hers.
"Merry Christmas, my angel~!", he breathlessly sung with a large grin, Zen unnaturally proud of this spur of the moment decision which flushed out a fiery red from her normally pale cheeks.
"Oppa!", she blurted out and hid her face from embarrassment which only deterred him into planting multiple kisses further on the unhidden areas of her face, tracing her shivering skin down her neck as well. "St-Stop it! We're not go-going to make it –", the girl tried reaching for the door's handle through fits of ticklish giggling thanks to the ruthless attacks he was suddenly showering her with.
"Too bad, I want to spoil my princess in peace~!"
Maybe the dream affected Zen deeper than he thought, but it also brought forth sensations from the past he used to be drenched in painfully – a loneliness he would not wish his worst enemy to feel. And one he did not want to re-experience.
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...
Was MC very lonely during his absence because of work...?
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He hoped this wasn't the case, however he could not help it if she were – an actor's career was his life and it allowed little room to maneuver freely. Nevertheless, Zen would make his best effort and try to avoid missing as many events as he could. And to make the most out of the little time they can share.
*bites*
Alas, MC was a feisty girl and a promise she'd make to the R.F.A. was sacred. "But if you behave...", she heartlessly watched the pouting actor caress his injured lip, she really did not hold back. "I'll let you spoil me however you want later~!"
"..."
Oh.
She was purposely playing with fire.
Hahaha!
Oh...
But he was going to gladly take up on her offer. *smirk*
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And spoil her throughout Christmas Day.
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And up to New Year's.
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