Author: A.R. Fredrick

Archive: With Permission Only

Chapter Rating: PG

Chapter Spoilers: The End - I II III

Disclaimer: "If I owned Teen Titans, I'd also own stock in Microsoft."

Foreword & Notes:

I've come back to this story after letting it wander on its own for a few years. And in the time that I've been away, my talents have grown and my ideas have matured. As such, I've decided to remaster the story to better attune it with my current writing style. I will not change the overall plot of the chapters already written. But I do plan on refreshing them, and giving them more depth and substance.

A new Beta is always welcome. Please Enjoy!

Paradox

A NOVEL BY: A.R. Fredrick

Prologue

Lament of a Raven

Remastered Version

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future,
Concentrate the mind on the present moment. - Buddha

Bring me to Life - Evanescence


"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."

She sat straight and still on her bed; while she willed the words of her mantra to cut through the soft silence that surrounded her. Her eyes were closed tightly against the world, embracing the darkness within herself, as she meditated to free the light that had been trapped inside of her for many years. If she were to open her eyes, they would behold earthly possessions and keepsakes dear to her, that were bathed in ebony shadows. Nothing save a lone candle illuminated the sanctuary of her otherwise lonely room.

It was the candle that she focused on, the purpose of her meditation this night was to picture the candle within her mind, to allow the flickering alabaster flame to aide her in her quest to find peace of mind and spirit. However the flame that she envisioned filling her psyche burned brighter than the one belonging to the candle, it was living radiance in hues of yellow, orange and red. The strength of the flame was staggering for her to imagine, and as her mind reached out for the peace and tranquility it represented, she longed to be bathed in its healing phoenix fire.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos." She repeated.

The practice of her meditation had been a part of her life for years and the mantra she embraced was the first string of words she could ever remember formulating. Just as the meditation had been a part of her life for years, as had the mantra, and together they had become a routine. She looked upon the act of meditation as a daily chore to be accomplished and it was true that some days she had more zeal for the process than others.

However, the fundamental essence of the act had changed. She used to meditate to hold back the malignant darkness within her, to exhaust the ravenous blackness of the evil that stained her soul. Meditation was her way to hold that darkness at bay, and to suppress it for another day. She was not evil by nature, at least that was what she had always willed herself to believe, but it was never an idea she could find promise in. The evil that resided within her was her stigma, a curse that was bestowed upon her by her lineage. Recent events had changed this endless cycle and now she meditated to find peace.

Her true name was Raven, a girl of featherless breeding, unlike the winged counterpart with which she shared the moniker. Her mother was an innocent woman named Arella, lured and corrupted at the whim of her biological father, Trigon the Terrible.

Since her birth, she had been told by all those around her that evil resided within her. An evil that was so vast, foul and tainted, that she was helpless to fight against it. Her purpose was to keep the darkness locked away from the rest of existence, in the prisons of her mind and soul. She was born of evil and baptized into darkness, proof of this was the mark etched upon her by her own father. From the moment of her first breath, she had heard his disembodied voice forever within her mind, and countless other voices, a symphony of suffering that awaited her in the future. The voices sang to her, and told her that she was meant to do horrible and unspeakable things. And that she would help bring an end to all things mortal.

She had spent her life fighting against this grim fate. Training her body and mind to repress not only the darkness within herself, but also the emotions within her heart. But eventually circumstances came to pass, and the entire situation was out of her control. She beheld the prophecies that she had been foretold, and felt the helplessness of utter defeat. The calamity upon her finally, she succumbed to what she thought was inevitable and opened a door between realities.

She had freed her evil creator from his otherworldly prison. The being that sired her existence was a foul and heinous demon. Trigon was the embodiment of evil, devoid of empathy, pity and compassion. The beast was fueled by suffering, malice and devilish designs of total destruction.

The guilt she still felt for letting it happen and for letting him free was without measure, and it pained her to know that it was all due to a single moment of weakness. All her life she had tried to avoid it and do good by helping people, but in the end it was all in vain. She had failed because she had allowed her weakness to rule her, and gave up fighting. She had always heard that the road to hell was paved with good intentions and it wasn't until that day that she finally understood the depth of those words.

She'd had good intentions but she still set him free. And Trigon reaped the benefits of her mistake. He sowed the seeds of fire, and set the world to burn in hopes of a fruitful harvest of pain and suffering. The entire Earth was engulfed and ravaged by fire and brimstone straight from the bowels of hell. And though her mind and body told her that the end was nigh, she had saved the lives of her friends through one final desperate act of defiance against the Armageddon around her.

And even though she had let go of her final shred of hope, her friends never gave up. They raged against the dying of the light and fought a war that she thought was utterly futile. And even though she had brought this darkness to pass, failed her friends and the world, they had not forsaken her.

He did not abandon her...

After opening the doorway for Trigon's ascension to Earth and rescuing her friends from the initial onslaught of his wrath, she had escaped into the recesses of her mind to cope with the horror of it all. She had reverted to the mind of a child, hiding in the memories of an adolescence long gone. Robin had found her among the broken ruins of the world, and shined a light of hope through the darkness of her mind.

She was destined to be undone by Trigon, and that would've surely held true and come to pass, if not for the intervention of Robin. He forced her to look past what she had previously accepted to be inevitable and to cast aside her doubts and worries. That there was still a chance and still hope to survive, if they believed in it and did not let go. He reminded her that she was cared for.

In the end she had gone with Robin, to stand together with her friends, and face the abomination that called itself a God. They were united together as Titans, but she still watched helplessly while her friends fought. They were struck down one by one, as she tried to master her fear and battle the demonic beast, she watched them fall in horror.

As that happened something inside of her broke, emotions that had always been held dormant surged to life with a new force. She ran to Robin full of intent and purpose, to plead with him to stand and fight once more, but he lay broken and devastated. Even now Raven could remember shaking him; and crying as Trigon approached. Her tears had been let loose then and not forced into submission, and the fell wildly unto his face, eyes, and lips.

She did not have time to contemplate her fallen friends, what little time she did have was scarce and precious. She could remember the sound of the beast as it had lurked behind her and moved in for the kill. He taunted her as he did so and spewed hate-filled remarks about her, while praising himself in practically the same instance. Then Raven had heard him utter something harsh and unthinkable, the beast had called itself her father. Her rage at that statement had been unfathomable, it was a white-hot fire that burned without limits, and set her blood to boil.

She knew no more petty fear or doubt. She harbored no more guilt or shame. All that mattered was that she did not wish to let it end there. She would not fade into the darkness or give into the misery that had been promised to her. She had realized then in that time of blinding anger that her life was her own. The choices were hers to make, she could choose that path that she wished to follow. She knew then that the life which she sought and the destiny which she secretly hoped to embrace would never be discovered if she died.

When Trigon finally struck out against her, she had deflected his blow with a burst of ivory psionic energy that had radiated from within her. The powerful psychic attack was fueled by her emotions, and with them she had found the strength to fight back. She purged her feelings and channeled them into volley after volley of psychic blows, which brought the demon to his knees.

She defeated him, and tore his dark kingdom asunder. She made use of the power of the blissful white light within herself to restore order to the world, and correct the damage that Trigon had wrought. It was a power that she didn't understand, and didn't know how to access again. Maybe it was better that way, she hadn't given it much thought. However, she did remember the feeling of joyful happiness that enveloped her when she saw her friends rise from the ashes of the destruction mostly unharmed. She had smiled broadly, she felt happy and free, gone was the sense of shame that accompanied her origins, the feeling of helplessness was no more and she finally felt as if she were in control of her own destiny.

She remembered looking at them all then, after Trigon had been defeated, and the sun began to shine anew, they had not given up on her and they had never stopped believing that the evil could be defeated, but most importantly they had never left her side. She had smiled at them all broadly then and had felt such love for everyone.

The smile from her past carried over to the present and crossed her lips in the darkness of her bed chamber. She tried to push back the memories, and regain the focus she had squandered while wool-gathering. She attempted to regulate her breathing and slow her heartbeat. But it was no use, the thoughts echoing rampantly in her mind doused the light and peace her meditation had provided.

She repeated her mantra softly. Once. Twice. Three times. She continued the repetition further, but to no avail, the tranquility of her meditative state been lost. She growled softly, a wordless surrender to her psyche as she gave up her efforts at enlightenment and released herself from the bonds of her inner mind.

Over time she returned to her isolated reality and became aware of her surroundings once more. She opened her eyes and her gaze fell upon the candle, and the window directly behind it. The glass windowpane was covered with countless droplets of beaded water, indication that a light rain had fallen sometime during her trance. Ebony clouds hung in the patch of sky that was visible from the window, but they had humbly parted to allow the moon some visibility.

Moonbeams fell into her sanctuary. Sunlight which had shined from sol, was reflected by luna and had traveled millions of miles to shine through her bedroom window in a soft waxen light, that was diffused by the myriad of raindrops beaded on her windowpane and conglomerated with the soft glow of her candle flame.

The simple convergence had left her taken aback and she found herself becoming smitten by its otherworldly beauty. It was in that moment as the barest of breath caught in her throat, that she wished she had a companion to share the scene with her. As the idea took wing in her mind and began to flutter she squashed it, she was used to being alone. Used to her solitary life. Accustomed to hiding herself and her emotions, keeping everything bottled within.

"This is crazy!" She declared her proclamation serenely.

Trigon had been defeated by her own hand. Order and balance had been restored with his downfall and everything was once again as it should be. But... But... It wasn't really the same anymore, was it? Things had changed. And with the knowledge that this was the case, it made her question her actions. Why was she still forcing herself to hide in exile?

She knew that misplaced guilt from the past should no longer sway her, or her emotions. Those emotions which she had hidden and had gone to great lengths to disavow, she had even attempted to deny their existence totally. She held them at bay because she was afraid of what they were capable of, afraid of letting them control or influence her powers. Afraid that she would use those powers for unspeakable things.

But.. Maybe that was just an excuse... Maybe she used that idea as a reason to be alone, to distance herself from others and stay separated from everyone else. Trigon was evil of his own choice, it was not the hand of fate that caused this, nor was it some cosmic being bent on the idea of destiny. Trigon was a malign being from a naturally horrible dimension that relished death and bathed in the blood of innocents.

As the bell on her wall clock chimed away the midnight hour, Raven came to the question which plagued her, was she evil merely because she was his daughter? She had struggled with this question for years, it had eaten away at her, chewed through her heart to the core of her being. She had always sought the definitive answer to this question though it had always eluded her.

With the battle against her father won, she realized that their fates were not intertwined, perhaps her father had given her powers of darkness, but the light within her soul cleansed her of any doubt and made those powers her own.

She was not evil. The idea dawned on her as a fevered epiphany, as she recounted her memories of the battle with her father once more. The mysterious white light was of her own making. The pure untainted energy had come from within her and was part of her essence, her life force.

Raven realized the simple truth.

She was pure. She was bright. She was good.

Today was a new day...