Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and characters.

Song for this: Pyro by Kings of Leon

EPOV

I'm not proud of it.

But every moment with you are my finest, and my worst.

It started when you were 17 and I was barely 18.

The first time I ever saw you, I knew. I knew being with Kate was a mistake. But I also knew talking to you would be a worse mistake.

I couldn't ignore you though. You were beckoning me forward, with each twitch of your lips. Every motion you made, called me to you.

You look so refreshed and happy, but there was something slightly off. Like you were faking it, and it had me so intrigued, I followed you around half the night before I got the courage to talk to you.

You dropped your little handbag and it was my time to move in.

I picked it up and introduced myself, and when I saw your eyes up close, I was done for.

We spent that whole night talking. About everything.

We were both in relationships. She was with Alec; I was with Kate. We were devoted, committed to making it work.

Us four had the same plan, coincidentally. We had all gotten into NYU and were heading there in the fall.

I refuse to believe it was by chance.

I drove you home that night. The tension was palpable and you weren't shy. You said, "I know we both feel this sexual tension shit, but we're going to pretend we don't, ok? I like you, as a friend, and it's going to stay that way. Got it?"

I nodded, but had no intention of ever being just friends with you.

But at the same time, I never wanted to cheat on Kate. That was back when we were mostly happy.

I'll never forget the first night you kissed me.

It was our last night in our hometown.

During that day we had been hanging out with Kate and Alec, swimming and stuff. When there was a split second, with just the two of us around, you whispered, "Come around sundown. Alone".

I hopped the fence to your backyard hours later, pulling my hair out waiting for you to sneak out your window like you had done multiple times that summer. It was different tonight because it was just the two of us. That had been a strict rule between you and I: Never be alone with each other. We didn't trust ourselves.

But if you wanted to break the rule, I wasn't going to hesitate.

I swear, the moment the sun dropped below the horizon, your window popped open, and you shimmied down the side, dropping right beside me. You led me to the creek that was a mile from your house and we huddled next to each other, feeling the slight chill that was the telltale sign that the end of summer was near.

You voiced your doubts of your relationship with Alec, and I followed with mine for Kate and I. You said you were glad we were going to be at the same college.

I wanted to kiss you so bad, but you beat me to the punch.

You leaned in, and I let you take the reigns. I didn't want to scare you off.

When your lips touched mine for the first time; it was all I had ever wanted. They were soft just like I had imagined, but your kiss wasn't soft or tentative like I had expected.

It was hungry.

It was almost a year of pent up feelings for one another, but they came out that night and more, right there by that little creek you said your father taught you how to fish in.

We both said we regretted it, but that didn't stop us.

XXX

We didn't see each other for three weeks after that.

We were busy with college, moving in, and starting our new lives, but you were on my mind constantly.

When we were finally reunited it was awkward. We knew we could never go back, but we needed to stay with Alec and Kate.

You had your reasons and I had mine.

My parents had decided Kate was a good choice for me. It wasn't that I didn't like Kate, she was great; she just was stiff. I hadn't realized I might have wanted something different than a replica of my mother until I saw you at that party.

I had left Kate at a jewelry party with her sisters, and my mother, while our fathers smokes cigars, and went to see Mike at the party.

You were wearing a Beastie Boys t-shirt, with the shortest shorts I'd ever seen.

Kate had been wearing a sweater vest with khaki capris.

I couldn't help but compare you both immediately.

Kate is blonde, your hair is dark as night. Kate has green eyes; yours are brown, almost gold sometimes. Kate's body is tall, well proportioned, model like features that she used to play down with clear mascara and church shirts.

You wore dark eye makeup, and liked people to look at your toned body. Nothing on you is too large or big. Every part of your body fits with mine.

When we saw each other in New York for the first time, we hugged. You said you had to go, but told me to come around sundown, to the abandoned shed.

The rest was history from there.

XXX

We've been doing this for five years straight. We all stayed in New York; that's where the jobs were when we graduated.

We meet monthly at the shed.

You refuse to accept the idea that in four months you'll be a married woman, and in six, I'll be a daddy.

Alec proposed to you at my birthday party, senior year.

It was his way of marking you. Making sure I knew you were his.

If only he knew how I took you that night; hard and fast, hitting the spots he couldn't. He'd know who really owned you.

Three months ago, Kate guilt-tripped me into sex. I haven't wanted her in years; I haven't wanted anyone but you.

I offer constantly for you and I to run away with me.

Well, I did, until two months ago, when I saw the pregnancy test Kate was thrilled about.

I called you that night, it was really late, and told you to meet me at the shed. I tried to call everything off that night. I'd been feeling like I should since I'd returned from my honeymoon with Kate five months earlier.

This was different, though. I wasn't hurting just Kate and Alec any longer. There was someone else involved. When I told you, you cried, and I held you, and cried with. I wasn't ready to be a dad. I didn't want that with anyone but you.

One thing led to another, and soon, we were kissing, and I felt even guiltier after.

With you, it's the sweetest torture.

XXX

Kate's having her baby shower this afternoon in our apartment. You show up looking like sex in a scrap of fabric you call a dress.

I want to take you right there, but I know I can't.

The sunlight catches the diamond on your third finger on your left hand and I feel that feeling in my heart. It's the only time I've ever been upset with you. When you accepted his proposal.

I was so angry, I proposed to Kate in spite of you.

We did this to ourselves. We could have had each other, but instead we chose this fucked up version of love, if that's what you want to call it.

Kate asks you to help me take my workbags out down to my waiting cab. I'm going out of town for a night, for business. You agree and walk me down. When the elevator closes and begins to go down, you grab my collar, and roughly attach your lips to mine.

It's been two months since we've been together and I've missed you so fucking much.

"Don't go," you pant against me. "Come around sundown," you say again, right before the doors open.

I get in the cab, and watch you walk back in the building. As you walk in, your right hand falls to the side and makes the "I love you" sign.

I cancel my trip.

At sundown, I meet you at the shed. I'm nervous. There's something different about tonight.

We know this is where it ends.

You're married; you have responsibilities of getting pregnant now. Alec wants kids soon.

I'm going to be a dad next month.

This can't go on any longer.

The thought crushes me and makes me regret everything in my life. Everything but you.

You're still wearing that tiny dress.

I leave it on for now.

I pull you to me roughly. It's obvious, this isn't going to be like the slow lovemaking sessions we've had time and time again. It's raw and needy. We're clawing at each other like this is the last time, because it is.

I kiss a single tear that falls down your soft cheek. I don't want tears tonight. We have to make this memory last.

I slip your dress off you, and you unbutton my shirt. When our bare chests touch, the familiar molding of our skin together comforts me, and you shiver, drinking me further in.

You kiss my neck, sucking, licking, and biting, not leaving an inch of skin untouched by your ruby lips.

"Edward," you sigh when I roughly suck your nipple in my mouth. Your hips buck against mine, and I'm angry.

I'm angry about how this all turned out. It wasn't supposed to be this way. We don't deserve to be this unhappy.

I'm angry that you turned down my many opportunities to escape this all, and I'm even angrier that you were the more mature one; the one who realized we could never had done that. Kate and Alec need us like we need one another.

I roughly assault your clit with my tongue and fingers, memorizing every lovely inch of your skin. Needing this memory to last for the duration of my life.

You claw at my back, scrape your nails against my head, through my hair, sighing my name with the moans I've fantasized about for seven years.

I feel you tense and it's my favorite part.

The part where you fall apart because of me, because of what I do to you.

You choke my name out, and lock your curvy thighs around my head, making sure I lick up every drop of you.

I want it all.

When I break away for air and because you're too sensitive, you pull me up to kiss me softly and I don't want it.

I roughly bite your neck, squeeze your hips, and pound my body against yours. I want there to be traces of me on you, in you.

"Edward…s-stop," you moan.

You always do this. You hate when I mark you, but you beg for it if I don't.

I want Alec to see how I mark you. I want him to know what I do to you.

You try to push against my chest halfheartedly and I roughly grab your arm and pin it up above your head with mine. You whimper, and I lick away your tears.

When I slide into you, I sigh your name.

The world stops for a minute and I take a mental picture of this.

This feeling, this time, but most importantly of you.

Your hair is fanned out around your gorgeous face. Your eyes are heavy lidded, and slightly unfocused. Your nipples are straining against my chest and my member is right there, in your tight, wet heat.

I know you don't get this turned on for him.

Don't worry. I don't get this way for her either.

I pull back out, and pack myself back in. I don't build up the pace. There's no point. We like it better this way.

I fuck you hard and fast, and you keep up tit-for-tat.

I want you to feel me tomorrow and I sure as hell want to feel you tomorrow. For the rest of my life.

My face is buried in the crook of you neck; I hear every sound you make. My noises are muffled, but you get them because you clench me when I mumble certain things I love about you.

The only time we say I love you to one another is in times like this, when we're both upset and having a rough fuck.

It's not acceptable any other time.

It's a constant string tonight from both of us.

All the missed opportunities, all the years we've missed out on, and all the years we're going to miss out on.

I love you so much it hurts.

It ends too quickly for our liking, so I stay in you until I'm ready again, and out last time together is slow and sweet. We say I love you during this one, too. We broke the rules and now I want to break all the other and run away with you.

When we come together, we hold each other too tightly.

Afterwards, we lie together.

I cry; you cry.

We part ways in the wee hours of the morning.

We give each other the "I love you" sign one last time.

It will never cover just how much I love you, though.

You whisper something before turning away.

"Come around sundown."

…..

Fin.

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