Merrill couldn't claim to have known Hawke for all that long.
Three, fours months at most? Time felt like it moved a lot slower in Kirkwall, and the Elven woman couldn't claim to fully understand why. Maybe it was because unlike in the wilderness where her clan had always lived, there was very little that moved in the wind in a city. Buildings didn't sway, the stone didn't rustle. Sometimes she heard the wood creak in the roof but she suspected that had less to do with whoever had built this place wanting to make Dalish Elves feel like they were in the wilds, and more due to her home falling apart internally. Sometimes the vhenadahl would wave its branches around, but that was just about it. While sometimes she would sit outside and watch it, she couldn't be around it all the time.
In those few months, Merrill had to admit, that without Hawke and the merry band she had managed to put together, she would have most likely been completely lost in this city. She didn't know anyone, and the Elves that lived in the Alienage weren't exactly… Well, they were suspicious of her. Like how her clan was suspicious of outsiders. She understood it, but it still made her feel alienated.
Maybe that was why they called those places Alienages, now that she thought about it.
But she had friends, thanks to the group Hawke had made. Varric always had stories to tell, which always seemed so much bigger than the entire world. Isabela was always nice and lots of fun to be around, and indulged her and her many questions about pirate life and encouraged her to do things she might not have otherwise done. Avaline was kind, when she didn't seem to be so busy with work. Which was pretty much all the time, but it gave her lots of interesting stories about the criminals that thought they could escape her. Anders could be… A bit much, but when he wasn't talking about Mages or Demons or Blood Magic, he was fine to be around, especially if Varric was around.
The only one she flat out didn't get on with was Fenris, because of his prejudice against Mages, and he certainly made no effort to hide his disapproval of Blood Magic. Still, Merrill liked to think the best of him, since when he wasn't talking about mages, he could be alright to be around. She liked to think it was the fact he was surrounded by the people Hawke had amassed that lead to those few rare moments when he calmed down and was okay to be around. That in his own way, he did care about the people he associated himself with. Even though he tried his best not to, and to stay away as much as possible.
They all knew Hawke one way or another, and had had their share of adventures with her. Her goal of reclaiming her old family manor in Hightown had been her driving force throughout most of the time they had known her, and she had succeeded in that fairly recently. That expedition or whatever it was into the Deep Roads had been a success. Carver had had to be whisked away to the Grey Wardens, but he was alive.
Maybe that was why no one had seen Hawke in while though.
"Well, I just got word from my network around the city." Re-entering the room, Varric informed the elven woman of the news he had just received. "No one's seen Hawke leave her house for the last few days, so I guess she's still in there."
"I'm not sure I want to know why you have people watching Hawke's house all the time, Varric." Isabela commented, leaning back in her seat and taking another drink from her tavern.
"Well, given that Bartrand probably wants us dead before I push him off a bridge, I thought it'd be a good idea to keep eyes on Hawke and Blondie in case he tries anything."
"That was… More honest an answer than I was expecting."
"Well to keep that trend going, Rivaini, I just didn't have a joke planned for that."
Isabela shrugged, blinked and then paused. "Hang on, do you have people watching all of us all the time?"
"You really don't want to know how many answers to that question I've got."
"I feel like I missed something again." Merrill blinked, looking at Isabela, then to Varric, and then to Isabela again.
"Don't worry your head about it, Daisy" The Dwarf told her.
Sometimes Merrill had to wonder if Isabela lived in the Hanged Man just as much as Varric did – She always seemed to be here whenever Merrill came here. Since her ship had crashed here in a storm, maybe that was the case. She'd never thought to ask though. When she came here, she had just intended to talk to Varric, but Isabela joining in was practically unavoidable. In a place like the Hanged Man, Merrill stood out like a Rage Demon in the Chantry – Of course Isabela was going to spot her.
Not that Merrill minded. In this particular situation it could even be good for her to be here – Another set of ears couldn't hurt, right? Hawke and Isabela were friends. Merrill had hoped that she would be able to shed some light on the situation.
Sadly not.
"Moving away from… That creepy thought." Isabela muttered. "The bottom line is, Hawke's still cooped up inside?"
"Best I can tell." Varric shrugged, and took his seat at the head of his table. He raised his own flagon to take a drink out of it. Then he paused, looked at it, and then put it back on his table. "You know if anyone else has heard from her?"
"I don't know if Anders or Fenris have even noticed." Isabela said, rolling her eyes as she spoke. "And Avaline doesn't exactly go out of her way to talk to me."
"She hasn't seen Hawke either." Merrill said. Avaline had been one of the first people Merrill had gone to.
"Didn't they come into Kirkwall together?"
"I think so."
"They did." Varric confirmed. "And no, Blondie and Fenris haven't said a word about it."
"Typical."
Merrill found herself chewing on her fingernail on her right index finger. She had to admit; she was worried about Hawke. Again, she couldn't claim that she knew her all that well. Only a few months. But she had made an impression on just about everyone she knew.
Hawke wasn't a reclusive person. She didn't disappear for days at a time without letting anyone else know what was going on. She didn't stay cooped up indoors. She didn't just do nothing all day. Even when Carver had had to go off to join the Grey Wardens, she hadn't stuck inside for long. The very next day, she had been trying to figure out what needed to be moved to the Amell estate by midday.
Maybe that was how she coped. By keeping herself busy.
That was what had Merrill worried more than anything. Whenever Hawke had found herself in a situation like that, she had always forced on a smile, and gotten stuck into things all the more. That was just how she was, and the kind of person she was.
So her going absent was profoundly noticeable.
She hadn't been the first to notice, but Merrill couldn't help but worry. Out of everyone in their group, she was probably the one worrying the most about it. It had been why she had come to the Hanged Man to talk to Varric in the first place – To see if he'd heard anything, or if he knew anything about where she was.
Perhaps it was just her in this regard, but she thought of Hawke as a friend. Hawke had called her as much before, so it was okay to feel that way, wasn't it? Friends were supposed to look out for each other, weren't they?
"We should go see her." She suggested, getting up onto her feet like she was ready to go right then and there. Two pairs of eyes followed her as she stood up, both apprehensive. "She's bound to be lonely in that big house by herself. Maybe she needs someone to cheer her up!"
"Bad idea." Isabela immediately said, not budging an inch from her seat. She shook her head lightly, as if she were trying to shake out that she'd ever heard the suggestion.
"Agreed." Varric nodded. This time, he did take a drink from his flagon. A long, continuous gulp.
"Eh? Why?"
"Kitten, if you wanted to be left alone, the last thing you'd want is for all of us to arrive at your place, unannounced, at this time at night." Isabela told her. She kept on a friendly smile as she spoke though, like she understood Merrill was only trying to help.
"I think I'd appreciate it." Merrill responded innocently. She didn't understand why Hawke wouldn't want people to help.
"Maybe… But you're not Hawke. And Hawke might deal with… Whatever's bothering her in a different way to you."
"So… What should we do?"
"My advice is to leave it." Varric said. "Let her figure it out on her own, and she'll come to us when she's feeling alright again. She just needs space, and not to worry about any of us for now."
Kirkwall's many tall buildings and passages that lead to nowhere never ceased to leave Merrill with no idea where she was. It didn't seem to matter when she went out, or where she went – Day or night, in Lowtown or the docks, or anywhere else, she was going to get turned around.
Varric's twine had helped her on more times that she liked to admit. Even then she got lost though. One time she wound up in an airing cupboard in the Chantry, and honestly could not even begin to tell when she'd made any significant detours from her usual route. Even making her way into Hightown today, she had somehow ended up underneath one of the Merchants stalls on the way, before she'd gotten chased off. How that had happened, she really didn't know herself. It made getting to Hightown more exciting though.
Taking longer than it probably should do to find Hawke's new estate, Merrill couldn't stop herself from feeling slightly intimidated by the sheer size of the place. She'd seen the house in Lowtown that Hawke had been staying at for the last year, and it was small. It reminded her more of her home in the Alienage than anywhere else in Kirkwall. She hadn't seen her new house up close for long. It was big enough she was fairly certain that her entire clan would be able to fit in with room to spare.
A bad feeling to nurse, Merrill thought to herself. For the size of the thing, it was certainly impressive. Like something the ancient elves might have built.
She knew Isabela and Varric said not to come last night. That it would only be a bother to Hawke.
But they didn't say anything about not coming today, did they? At the time, Merrill had been sure she'd found a loophole in their suggestions. Maybe the pair of them had been right – Hawke might not have wanted to be bothered at night. Maybe she had been sleeping.
Merrill knocked on the door. Then she waited.
And waited. She waited for a couple of minutes in fact – The size of something this big might have meant that her friend needed a little while to get from one side to the other. She got nothing though.
"Hawke?" She knocked again, hoping that somehow maybe her voice was going to reach further than the sound of her knocks.
Again, she waited. Again, no one came.
"Don't tell me now's the time she decided to leave…" Merrill muttered, scratching the side of her head. That would be her luck, wouldn't it?
She wasn't really sure what made her try the door handle. There was a small part of her that honestly thought that maybe Hawke had left the door unlocked in case someone wanted to pay her a visit. Had she stopped to think about it for a second, she probably would have realized how daft that was – She didn't even leave the door to her own house at the Alienage unlocked. Maybe she just wanted to exhaust all her options before giving up and spending the next two hours trying to find her way home again.
Whatever possessed her to try to force the door open though, it apparently had the right initiative.
The door moved. Merrill blinked, and pushed on it further. It creaked open, and suddenly she found herself with a clear look into the Hawke estate.
If it looked big from the outside, then it almost seemed bigger on the inside, somehow. The foyer was maybe two thirds of the largest room in Merrill's own home, and that was only the room that took you to the rest of the building – A foyer, she felt it was called. Beyond that, there was the main room – Some sort of two-leveled room, with a balcony on the higher level. The building looked old.
And abandoned.
Stepping inside carefully, Merrill noticed that there were a few things scattered around the place. A few crates full of equipment, a chest with a personalized lock, some books. Some of the stuff had drapes that covered whatever was underneath. Other things were thrown randomly about the floor. Things that had been brought to be moved in, but were almost just dropped in their entirety partway through. Merrill found her voice had disappeared on her. Something about this made her fear the worst. Positive thinking wasn't going to help her now.
The elven woman took a peek through one of the adjoining rooms, but couldn't see Hawke in there either. The adjoining room seemed far cleaner, and more barren, like no one had gone inside it in seasons. Well, it was dusty, but everything seemed kind of organized at least. Doubling back into the main room, Merrill made her way up the steps, and glanced around the balcony. Again, there wasn't anything scattered on the ground here. It was also less dusty. There were two doors.
One of them was open. She approached it, gently.
She poked her head around the door-frame.
And there was Hawke.
First signs were good – She didn't look hurt at all. In fact, she looked perfectly well. A bit still, but she looked completely fine. A weight lifted itself off of Merrill's chest with that revelation. With how messy everything downstairs was, she had thought some sort of fight had happened inside the estate. But no, she was fine. Thank the Creators.
Normally, Merrill would have jumped in and said something that she would no doubt give herself grief for saying later on when she realized she'd made an idiot out of herself, but the sight of Hawke made her pause for a moment before she did. Hawke wasn't injured, no. But that was just about it.
She was as still as a statue, and her white hair was covering up her blue eyes. Through the strands she could peek though, Merrill couldn't see any of the usual spark or wit that had characterized the woman who had brought her to Kirkwall in the first place. In fact, she realized that she could hardly even recognize her. She was just… There. And that was it.
Even Merill could see that something was seriously wrong.
It took some doing, but Merrill found her voice.
"Hawke?"
It became very clear very quickly that Hawke hadn't expected anyone. Instantly, she turned, her teeth brought to bear, and her hands both began to glow as she prepared whatever form of magic she defaulted to whenever she was surprised. Her face was a clear glare – The kind she wore whenever she found herself in a brawl and things had gotten deadly serious.
Once she realized it wasn't some burglar, or some sort of figure from her past – somehow Merrill assumed that she had a few people back from Ferelden that she didn't want to run into here in Kirkwall – Or whoever else she had thought it might have been, her expression calmed quickly, and her magic faded away. "Merrill?"
"Hello-oo." Merrill greeted her with the normal peppiness in her voice, and gave her a small wave with her left hand. It was honestly the only icebreaker she could think of.
Hawke blinked, and just looked at her for a moment, like she was making sure it was actually her. To say she was baffled was an understatement. "How in the Makers name did you get in here?"
"Your uh, front door wasn't locked."
"…It wasn't?" Hawke's eyes widened briefly, before they returned to their original placement. She then looked in front of her again, like she had been when Merrill had first walked into the room. "How long's that been like that…"
Now that she could see her face, Merrill couldn't help but make a few observations about Hawke. She had dark bags underneath her eyes, and her eyes themselves almost looked strained, red at the sides, creeping past her eyelids. They looked swollen too. Her hair seemed a bit longer than it normally was too, and unkempt.
Merrill would be the first to admit that she could miss the most obvious of things, or screw things up fairly often. But even she wasn't blind to this.
Something was wrong here. Deeply wrong.
"Are… Are you alright, Hawke?" She wasn't sure why she said it. Clearly, she wasn't, but it wasn't like she could think of anything else to say. It was all Merrill had.
For about three seconds, Hawke didn't say anything. She just kept staring in front of her, like the floor had magnetized her eyes towards them. Then she blinked.
And sighed. "…No. I… I guess I'm not."
"…I thought I was going to have to pry it out of you for a minute there." The elf admitted, blinking in surprise at Hawke's honesty. "I mean, normally you keep your feelings to yourself. Unless something bad is happening. Then you're pretty loud and angry about it. And a bit 'Kill-it-with-magic'y. And…" She shut herself up. She was rambling now.
The Human just let out another sigh. There as something about it that just seemed so… Heavy. Defeated. Merrill couldn't even begin to think why.
Hawke had won. She'd reclaimed her ancestral home – Something way too many Dalish would have been willing to give up their lives to do. Something Merrill herself was quite willing to do. She'd gotten out of the near inescapable poverty that existed in a city like Kirkwall. She had gotten out of the Deep roads alive, with enough riches to keep her and her family fed for the rest of their lives. Granted, losing Carver to the Grey Wardens wouldn't have been good for her morale, but he was alive at least.
Had everyone just missed something? Was there something else that was bothering her?
Merrill took a couple of steps closer to Hawke, carefully. It felt like she was walking on particularly sharp eggshells now. She wanted to help Hawke, not make her feel worse, or make her angry.
"I, um… Would you like to talk about it?"
"I don't think this is the sort of thing anyone can help me with, Merrill."
"No, but… You can still talk about it, can't you?"
"I don't see how that would help."
"Well... I suppose it won't." Merrill conceded. "We used to talk about our history in my clan, or whenever a Human tried to give us a hard time, but we still talked to each other about it. I guess it doesn't really help… But I, I suppose…"
What were the right words in this situation? The elven mage bit her lower lip as she tried to find them.
"… You wouldn't be on your own with it?"
Once more, Hawke didn't say anything. She just kept her eyes firmly straight forward. It was reaching a point where Merrill was becoming convinced that she wasn't even blinking. Just staring.
Only on closer inspection though, Merrill realized that she wasn't staring to the ground. She was staring into her hands.
A bandanna of some kind. Red with traces of blue in it.
And splatters of blood.
"What's that?" Merrill asked, curiously. "You're not hurt, are you?"
"No, no… It's not mine." Hawke answered. Her voice was croaky, shaky. "It…"
She fell silent again. She kept her eyes focused on what was in her hands, like she was debating weather or not it approved of her continuing to talk. She then looked up to Merrill, and tried to figure out if she should keep talking, or tell her to get out of her house. Merrill couldn't tell what she was thinking, and if she should brace herself to get yelled at and shooed out back onto the streets, or if Hawke just wouldn't tell her and would ask her to respect that there were some things that she just couldn't talk about.
"You don't have to tell me, you know." Merrill assured her, holding her hands up in front of her. "I just – I thought maybe it would help you, that's all. Oh, I'm rambling again, I always do this, don't I? I just – I only mean… You… I'll shut up now."
"…It belonged to Bethany."
Bethany. Bethany was a story that Merrill had only ever slightly heard about in passing. Usually from Carver, before he went away. Bethany had been the youngest child from the Hawke family. A mage, like Hawke.
The one sibling who hadn't gotten away from the Blight in Ferelden.
Hawke's eyes fell back on the bandanna, and she let out another sigh. "…It's her name-day today."
"Oh…" Suddenly, things made a lot more sense to Merrill.
This was why she had been cooped up on her own for the last few days. Why she hadn't spoken to anyone, or even left the house. She was remembering her sister. Mourning her death, even a year afterwards. If she knew Hawke, she was probably blaming herself over not being able to save her too.
Loss wasn't a concept that was foreign to the Dalish elves. In fact, loss was virtually a mark of their entire identity. It was what they spent their entire lives trying to get over, trying to reacquire their own lost history. It was a hard life, and Merrill knew lots of people who had died trying to do their best by the clan, either defending it, or just through bad luck. Loss was something that the Dalish understood very well. It was something that they had to learn to deal with from a young age.
And right now, Merrill couldn't help but feel like she was intruding on that process.
"I… Ir abelas, Hawke." She apologized quickly. "I'm sorry. I-I didn't know that… I'll just… I can go. I'll just go." She turned to leave.
Halfway through her first step out of the room though, Hawke spoke up.
"Don't."
Merrill turned to look at Hawke, to find she was looking right at her. Her eyes seemed to be speaking on their own – Asking her to stay. She'd never seen the mage look so… Vulnerable before. It was like she was seeing the side of her that Hawke kept buried away with witty one liners and sarcastic remarks.
Like the barriers were down and taken away, and were too far away for Hawke to pull them back up to shield herself.
Hawke was the sort of person who didn't let the deepest feelings she had show all that often. She always put on the appearance of being balanced, of being able to maintain a strong sense control. That she couldn't be shaken. It was why people just looked to her as the leader. She just radiated that energy. What Merrill was seeing now was someone who was anything but invulnerable.
She was as soft and emotionally squishy as anyone.
The look was powerful. Merrill found she couldn't turn away. "Are… Are you sure?"
"…Turns out company makes me feel… Not quite so bad." Hawke nodded, confirming her choice. She patted the space next to her, letting Merrill know that it was okay for her to take a seat next to her.
She didn't say anything until Merrill had sat next to her. As she did, Hawke unfolded the bandanna, so it was a square of fairly thin fabric in front of her.
"You know, Beth and I actually stole this back in Lothering." She seemed to smile weakly, looking at the stained article of clothing, like it was showing her images of her memories atop it. Something about it felt forced though – Like she was only smiling because she was supposed to.
"You stole it?"
"I wasn't always such a paragon of virtue." Hawke said, briefly hiding behind her normal dry wit barrier again. She continued with her story, tracing her fingers over an exposed bit of blue fabric. "There were these travelers – I think they might've been Chasind…. Or Orlesian. I don't remember. We were young. Dumb kids. I had to be about fourteen, and Beth was seven. They ended up working for one of the merchants there. Just trying to get a bit of coin to carry on their travels, you know?"
Placing the fabric on her knee, she continued. Even the fake smile couldn't stand up to the memories she was having.
"Well, both of us could use Magic. Our father taught us to use it, to hide it so the Templars didn't drag us to the Circle. We didn't get too much time to ourselves like that. That and we were kids. Kids who barley understood their own magic being left on their own… Usually doesn't end well. But this one time, me and Beth managed to get away for a little while, and we found these two guys near the Chantry, selling things to people… And Beth had the idea of pulling a prank on these two. I don't know why. It seemed to just be something that we did because we were bored and stupid. And they weren't from Lothering, so they were just… Easy targets, I guess. And I… Came up with the brilliant idea of stealing something from them."
At this point, Hawke was just letting the words tumble out. She wasn't even trying to stop them, even though they didn't mean anything.
"Nothing too expensive. Just some trinket at worst. I distracted them by asking where they were from, and Beth snuck up behind them, grabbed this thing, and then ran. As soon as I left, I heard them yell something in a language I didn't understand. We hid and snuck our way back home… Beth… Honestly, I think she only did any of it because she wanted to impress me. She started wearing it after they'd left town… But she felt bad about it afterwards. She ended up taking fathers lessons even more seriously after that. I always found it weird how she correlated the two… Or why she wore this thing even after she felt so bad about taking it... I don't even remember what the hell I was thinking when I suggested stealing something from them."
Hawke's eyes shut. She seemed so focused, even then, that Merrill could swear that she was watching an image of her deceased sister through her closed eyelids.
"…That was the only time Bethany ever really went outside her reserved bubble. I don't think she ever let her hair down like that again… "
"You were close." Merrill said, only because she felt like she was supposed to say something at this point.
"We were both Mages. We spent a lot of time together. We didn't get much choice in the matter." Hawke nodded, and once more, tried to make the answer into a joke. One she herself clearly didn't find all that funny. Her nodding became much slower after a few seconds. "Another time, she told me about how she and one of her other friends were chased by a wild dog and she made it go to sleep. Her friend didn't report her because she said she was too nice to be magic. I… Remember feeling terrible for not being there for her…" Her head lowered even further, until Merrill was sure that the bandanna was the only thing that Hawke could see. "…The more I think about it, the more I think Beth was the only friend I really had in all of Ferelden."
"You didn't talk to anyone else?"
"No, I did… But I always had to watch what I said, and what I did. I had to be careful… I never really was myself a lot. Even with people I was close to, I had to keep myself a bit distant, in case everything went to hell and I had to leave them all behind before the Templars came and got us. I couldn't get attached… Not really. Carver used to try and one up us both back then as well, but it wasn't… As bad as it was when he was here. Beth and I were just… I… This is all I have of her. It was all I could think to take after she..."
Seeing Hawke like this was… The words were difficult to process. Merrill felt like she'd gotten a deeper look into the sort of person that Hawke was. She had seen her when all her defenses and walls here down, and knew the woman underneath it all. It wasn't so much that Hawke was a difficult person to get to know as it was that she sometimes felt like she was on another level to everyone else, and that all anyone else could do was admire her from afar. She was approachable, but at the same time, wasn't. Now Merrill was seeing her on the same level that everyone else occupied.
Did that make any sense? Merrill wasn't sure.
"…I'm sorry." Hawke suddenly apologized, and ran both her hands against the sides of her face. "I don't know why I said all of that… I haven't slept in Maker knows how long… I might just be losing it a bit."
"Dirthera" Merrill stated. When Hawke looked at her blankly, she carried on. "You tell stories to remember your sister. It's a bit like how we Dalish tell stories to remember our heritage. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway."
"… You… Have a point, actually."
"We call it 'Dirthera'." The elf explained. "Sorry, I should have said it in Human first. I just meant that it's not something you need to be sorry for. My entire culture is based around it – You can talk to me about it if you want to, Hawke."
There was a look in Hawke's eyes now. A softer look than she had been wearing this entire time. It was… Lighter. Gentler. More like the Hawke that Merrill had known for the last few months. The friend she had made and treasured.
But it said a lot more somehow. Merrill wasn't one to pick up on such subtle things normally, but with Hawke, it was such a drastic change that she couldn't help but notice it. It was like Hawke was meeting someone for the first time – Did that make sense? Like she hadn't realized that she could be that honest with people outside her family.
She was an honest person in general, but the way she reacted to just hearing someone offering to be there is she needed it…
"…Terra." Hawke said.
"I'm sorry?"
"That's my name. My first name, I mean. Terra Hawke."
"Terra Hawke…" Merrill repeated the name, like she was trying to adjust her tongue to how it sounded. It was… An unusual name, even by Human standards. One that Merrill didn't think she'd ever heard before.
That wasn't so say it was a bad name. In fact, now that she looked at her face…
…It suited her.
"I know. It's a stupid name."
"No, no! I like it! I think it suits you!"
Hawke – Terra's eyebrow raised up like she'd just been vaguely insulted. She quickly realized that it wasn't Merrill's fault though. "You're Dalish. You don't know what my name means."
"Would you tell me?"
Terra let out a small sigh. Her hand absently stroked Bethany's bandanna as she spoke. "My father gave me my name. He used to study a lot of stuff… One of the things he studied was the old tribes of Thedas. I think it was the Avvar or the Alamarri… But 'terra' was their word for Thedas. This was before we knew there was… Something beyond Par Vollen, whatever it is. So, father decided he wanted me to be named after an old word for 'the whole world'... Somehow I don't think he expected to have more kids after me."
"He named you after the whole world?"
"In an old language." Terra clarified. "The Alamarri are long gone, and the Avvar… I'm not even sure if they remember their own language. The word terra got adopted by Ferelden though. You know what it means now?"
"What does it mean there then"
"Dirt."
Merrill blinked. "Your… Father named you after dirt?"
"I don't think he was thinking about that when he named me, but in effect, that's what my name is. Dirt Hawke." Hawke - Terra then raised an eyebrow. "Why d'you think I go by Hawke instead of my first name?"
The Dalish woman tilted her head slightly. She gave an honest answer, plainly and simply. "I just thought you really liked birds."
For about three seconds, Terra just looked at Merrill like she was trying to figure out if she was serious.
Then she burst out laughing.
Completely genuine, outright, out loud laughter. The kind that Merrill had only ever seen out of her when they, Isabela, Varric and everyone else were tipsy from drinks at the Hanged Man and all their inhibitions were out the window. Her hands clutched at her stomach, and she had her head thrown back. She couldn't even keep her eyes open, she was laughing so hard. Merrill could swear that she could see a tear forming and threatening to run down her cheek.
"Wh-what? Why are you laughing?" She asked, panicking. "I said something wrong again, didn't I?"
"N – N - No, no, no Merril, no. Pft!" Terra covered up her mouth with a hand, trying to suppress the laughter as best she could. She needed a few moments before she could look at Merrill again. "You - You could not have said a more right thing if you tried."
When she moved her hand, the Human woman revealed that she had a smile on her face. One of the biggest, and brightest, and warmest smiles that Merrill could ever remember seeing in her whole life.
A smile that virtually emitted light from it. A beautiful smile…
It couldn't help but make Merrill smile herself.
"…Thanks, Merrill." Terra said, pushing her white hair from her face. She wiped her eyes for the tears that had welled up from her outburst of laughter. Her smile was wide, and bright. She almost looked like a different person. "I… I needed that. I think I needed that more than anything in the world."
"I'm not sure I understand what I did, but you're welcome, I suppose?"
"It was just… It was a very 'you' thing to say. I needed something that would just cheer me up. Just, thank you. Seriously."
Combined with that smile, and the heartfulness of what she was saying, Merrill couldn't stop her chest from feeling a lot lighter… and a lot tighter at the same time. She felt her skin heating up gently.
"O - Oh… Well, I could keep saying… Me things if you'd like. I know lots of me things to say."
Terra get out a gentler laugh this time. More a giggle than anything. "I think I'd enjoy that. But… I suppose I should let everyone know I'm okay."
"A – Are you certain? I thought you said you hadn't slept in a long time?"
"I haven't… But… I don't know." Terra smiled again. "I'm in a good mood now. Better than I have in a while. I don't feel like wasting it sleeping. Besides, I've probably left mother alone with Uncle Gamlen long enough. I should make sure they're okay. It's been kind of selfish of me to lock myself up in here on my own… Well, I say lock."
That made Merrill laugh gently. If she was able to make jokes like that now, Hawke – No, Terra – She had to be feeling better now, like she said. She seemed to be herself again. At least for the time being.
Her normal, sarcastic, helpful… And incredibly pretty self.
The pair of them stood up, though Terra paused for a moment before she moved at all. She looked at the bandanna in her hand, and then contemplated for a moment.
She put it on top of the bed she had just stood up from, and put her hands together in prayer, sending a message to her sister though an act of faith to a God she wasn't sure she ever really believed in.
Just in case Bethany heard her.
In her head, Merrill sent up her own prayer to her own Gods. Just in case.
For Hawke – For Terra's sake.
Creators, getting used to her first name was going to be tricky.
So this was insanely self indulgent.
I got into Dragon Age over the last month. I've played a frankly ridiculous amount of it. Been nice just having a Bioware game to play again. And I honestly like 2 the most – I'm not gonna argue it's a well made of particularly deep game, but it's the one I've just had more fun with. I've got a list about the length of my arm of improvements, but I just can't argue with fun. And I adore Merrill to death, and I love Hawke, and I love these two so here we are!
This was just an idea I had in my head on what could have filled the gap between Act 1 and 2. While I didn't mind the act structure as an admitted newcomer, I did think it was weird that there was all this time between the acts that were just left up for us to ponder and not get any information about at all. So i came up with a few ideas in my head, and this was one of them. This was fun. Challenging, but a lot of fun to try out. I might do some more Dragon age stuff later down the line. Probably just oneshots, almost certainly more Hawke and Merrill. I think I've still got a long way to go until my Dragon Age writing is on par with my MHA writing, but It'll be fun to see if stuff goes well with this is I do more. Who knows. But I want to see if I can get better at characterizing them - There are still things in this i feel are janky and a bit awkward, but I had fun with this nonetheless
I'm active on Tumblr and Twitter, both under the name QuirkQuartz, if you're interested in following me on there, where I've done some Merrill Art, and plan on doing a bit of FemHawkeMerrill maybe.
Next will be more MHA fics as per usual – Thanks for indulging me this oneshot guys, and I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you in whatever it is I do indeed decide to make next – See ya!