Summary: Edward came out. In a Republican family. Oh God.

"I'm gay."

"You're what?" I raised a brow, humming Lord's prayer for the umpteenth time today.

"I'm gay." He repeated.

"Edward, I'm glad you're happy. Now can you please go and pick up your sister. I would love to talk with you but you offered and I feel as if you have no need to be at home," I can sense that he was going to revolt back, "Would you please try to get a decent vocabulary? You're father would much rather hear happy."

"Did you not hear what I just said?"

"Edward, dear," I looked up at him, settling the knits on my lap, "I heard you loud and clear."

"Then where's the confusion?" He asked, bringing his thumb to his jaw.

"There is no confusion."

"You just referred to my coming out as a term to an emotion?" His voice rose, "Are you serious?"

"Now what's gotten you so mad?"

He groaned and slammed his head back against the pillows. I wasn't mislead when I heard –'Fuck me' from his mouth.

"Edward!" I chastised.

"Mom!" He repeated with the same momento.

"Don't you dare say those filthy words from your mouth. Would you like it if I went back to putting a bar soap in your mouth?"

He drew his head out in sympathy, "I know you don't want to hear this—"

"There's nothing to—"I stopped when I noticed the glare in his eyes, "—Alright, Edward. What do you want to tell me that it is so important, you'—"

"I'm gay! I'm a fag. I take it up the ass. Well not yet. But I will! I'm a queer. I love guys. I like to touch them and I like it when they touch me. It feels good! Boobs don't make my dick twitch. But guys do. They make me hard. Really hard. Hard as the earth's core."

I guess I was lost in the revulsion.

"I lost you after you said—" I hesitated, "Uhm," I cleared my throat, "…ass."

"I. Am. Gay." The enunciation did no help.

I guess it would be pointless to show idiocracy.

"I've never heard such a thing."

"Dad preached it in church last week! He talked about how I was going to hell!"

I stood up, mouth wide, "He was not referring to you! You are not an abomination in god's eye. I think he was talking to the Hale's child. That child is remarkably troubled and—"

Edward glared, "My boyfriend." He finished.

"Well yes, you're.." I halted, "Excuse me?"

"Are you done talking out of your ass yet?"

My jaw dropped. You could say that.

"Look I love you. And I respect you. But I'm more liberal than you. I don't want to be a Republican—Ma, I'm a goddamn Progessivist, you should know that by now!"

My head felt light.

"And I hate Suzie Orman's Sundays. It's boring and bland and—heterosexual. The bitch gives reassurance to financial reasons but looks like she has something up her ass."

I didn't even know where to start.

"This has to explain why I ask you for orange juice all the time.."

And why is that?

"Orange juice is gay. It has the vitamins and the whole 9 yards. To make me look gay, you know?"

I don't even know anymore.

"I guess now's a good time to also tell you that my first kiss was with Emmett."

Jasper's brother?

"He's not gay but Jasper is. Emmett didn't say anything, though. Good guy."

My head reeled.

"His lips reeked of sweat. Not a good kiss."

I saw flutters above my head.

Edward wavered his eyes over me, "It happened two years ago. In our house. Right behind you."

The last thing I saw was my hand swinging at Edward's face and missing by an inch. By an inch. And after that, the rest was history.