Piper was a nervous wreck. She kept bouncing from one thing to another in the apartment, unable to focus on anything for more than two seconds. She was exhausted, and that didn't help either. She had tossed and turned in bed for three hours before she realized sleep was never going to happen. She'd finally given up and spent the rest of the night cleaning up. She wanted everything to be perfect for the next day. This was the day she'd been waiting a year and a half for. Alex was coming home.
She tried not to think about what had happened with her parents a year ago when things had finally come to a head with her parents. She hadn't thought anything could be more awkward than the conversation about why she was going to prison, but she was wrong.
It had been a brunch at her parent's house. Cal, by virtue of not answering his phone, had managed to get out of it, but Piper wasn't so lucky. She'd been sitting at the table trying to help her father with the crossword he was working on and her mother was bustling around the kitchen, prattling on about something Piper had zero interest in.
"So, have you heard from anyone interesting lately?" her father finally asked.
Piper nodded, hoping that would be the end of it.
"Who have you heard from, dear?" her mother replied, turning to lean against the counter, wiping her hands on her apron.
For a handful of seconds, Piper considered lying to her mother but then realized she was sick of coming up with bullshit excuses as to who she'd been talking to on the phone or what she was doing every weekend.
"Alex, mom. I've been talking to Alex" her words came out a little harsher than she'd planned and her mother's face just went blank for a second.
"Oh" she finally said, turning back to the stove.
"Oh? Oh, what Mom? What exactly do you mean by that?" Piper said, finally giving vent to the anger she'd been trying to ignore for the past six months.
Her mother sighed and turned back to face her.
"I just don't understand why you have any interest in continuing to speak with her is all. She's the one who put you in that place, she's the one who ruined your relationship with Larry. Why do you keep her in your life? I thought the whole…lesbian thing was a phase anyway.
You got out of all of that. You did your penance or whatever, and you should be moving on, Piper. You should be focusing on your business with Polly and work on getting your life straightened out, not being stuck to the past"
Piper was dumbstruck by the whole thing. It made sense, but deep down, Piper knew that's not what her mother actually had an issue with. The truth suddenly hit her like a brick.
"Christ, Mom. Really? Why don't you just be honest with me? Say what you actually mean for once" Piper replied, getting to her feet slowly.
"Piper, honey…" her Dad said, touching her arm.
"No, Dad. Not this time. I want her to say what's actually bothering her about all of this. I want to know why it matters so damn much to her why who I talk to" she was genuinely angry now.
"Piper, dear, you know you're better than this, better than her. It's not a permanent thing anyway, it never was. She's going to get out and she's going to go right back to doing…whatever it is she does that somehow captivates you and she will drag you down with her again.
I hate that you keep her around. I hate that she has some kind of hold over you. You're better than her and you shouldn't let her ruin your life anymore"
Piper just shook her head at what she was hearing. She picked up her purse and dug her keys out.
"I can't believe this, Mom. Alex didn't ruin my life, I did. Again, no one held a gun to my head and made me carry that bag of money. No one made me do anything! I made those choices, I carried that bag, and I paid for it.
And you have no idea what kind of person she is. Who are you to stand there and judge anyone? You know nothing, nothing about her. You think it was a phase? It wasn't, Mom. I loved her, I still love her. She's caring and generous and so, so intelligent. She's comfortable with who she is and I admire that, I love that about her. She's not perfect, but fuck, Mom, no one is. Larry had just as many issues, but you don't care about that.
I can't do this with you Mom. I can't. I love her, okay? It's taken me years to realize that, it took me loosing her and making a hell of a lot of mistakes. I lost six years with her, I abandoned her when she needed me and I feel like I'll never be able to make that up to her, but I'm going to try.
It's not the cookie cutter life you envisioned for me, I know that. Can't you be happy with the fact that I'm happy? Can't you just be happy that I found someone I love, completely and totally? She is my life and she will be my life.
Tell me, right now, if you think you can deal with that or not. If you can't, that's your choice, but I won't let you dictate my happiness anymore. I tried to be what you thought I should be, what everyone else thought I should be and it didn't work. This is who I am, Mom. Tell me."
Piper had ended up yelling by the end, but it was such a release to lay all of that out, get it in the open.
Her mother still had a stunned look on her face. Suddenly, different emotions flashed across her face, too quickly for Piper to tell what they were. The blank look reappeared.
"If that's how you feel, Piper, then that's how you feel. I can't change that, apparently. I can't accept that you feel this need to continue to…allow yourself to be drug down again and again. Maybe you should go" her mother finally said, her words stilted and her voice tight.
Piper just nodded and walked out the door.
Since then, she'd heard from Cal, but nothing from her parents. She'd hoped with time her mother would come around, but so far, no dice.
She shook her head and realized she was almost there. A few minutes later and she pulled into the visitor's lot. She was suddenly struck with a major case of nerves. Her hands started shaking again and she gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. She was so not ready for this all of a sudden.
In just a couple of hours, she would be going home with Alex. She would have someone living with her for the first time since Larry (if you didn't count prison, that was). She would have Alex with her full time, and she could touch her and kiss her and not have to watch out of the corner of her eyes for a CO. They could order take out and watch old movies and talk about books.
The thought of all of those sudden changes made her heart race and she felt panic starting to try to overwhelm her.
Then her mind flashed back to all the wonderful times she and Alex had shared, and she forced herself to focus on that. She managed to get her hands to quit shaking and she took a few deep breaths. She grabbed her bag and headed toward the front gate.