A/N I love fanfiction, so I only wrote this as a joke! I love all the ships mentioned except for the Harry/Cho (my brother's idea) and the Harry/Ginny (J.K's idea)
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by the luckiest and almost richest women in the UK, J.K Rowling.
A PARODY OF FANFICTION
There were five Hogwarts students standing in a room which had 'magically' appeared in the middle of the school grounds. Harry, Ron, Hermionie, Ginny, and Cho groaned simultaneously and then ignored the fact that they all had groaned at the same time as everyone else. Harry held Ginny's hand, as they had been going out for the past four months, and he dragged her behind a screen and sadly everyone else could see the shadow of him snogging her face off.
When the couple returned to the scene everyone averted their eyes from them and began talking intensely about the coming Quidditch match, and even though Hermionie hated Quidditch, she joined in gratefully.
Harry turned to Cho with the most serious expression he could muster on his face (not very serious I'm afraid) and said, "Cho, I love you."
She gaped at him and Ginny's face blanched.
"What about us Harry?" she shrieked, "Was it all a game to you?"
Harry turned to her and muttered,
"Oh yeah, you…um yeah. Ginny, it's over. Bye."
He turned back to Cho and asked,
"So? Is it on?"
She nodded eagerly and Harry threw Ginny out the window.
Hermionie and Ron gasped appropriately and then Hermione shouted over the noise of Ginny squealing,
"Hey Ron! Isn't Harry acting a bit odd?" Ron shrugged and shouted back,
"The only way this could get stranger is if Sirius came back and that's not going to...oh no..."
They saw a hand reach onto the windowsill and seconds later, Sirius Black had hoisted himself through the window. He stood up and grinned broadly.
Harry stared at him before asking,
"Sirius! Wha-How?"
Ron hit himself on the head for even mentioning Sirius.
"Shut up Harry. So yeah, Ron you rang?"
Ron stared at him blankly,
"Rang?"
Hermione slapped Ron and told him,
"It's an expression."
Ron moaned and collapsed on the floor from pain and confusion.
Hermione announced that she was changing her name to Her. Harry glared at her. Cho felt ignored.
"What kind of name is Her?" asked Sirius. Her smiled sweetly at them,
"It's an important one. You know, like Voldemort is called Him?"
Harry started sputtering,
"B-b-b-bu-bu-bu-bu"
Sirius and Her said in unison,
"Shut up Harry."
Cho walked out and nobody noticed.
"B-b-b-b-but-but…." Harry was ignored for the first time since he was 11 as Her and Sirius began setting up a tea party.
"H-h-h-he-he-he-hey!" muttered Harry.
"More scone Padfoot?"
"Yes please Mandy."
"M-m-m-ma-man-Mandy?" stuttered Harry.
"Yeah. Get over it Harry."
"Tea with that scone Paddy?"
Sirius nodded happily. He now realised that the meaning of life was to eat scones with his godson's best friend. Mandy meanwhile was listening carefully for and sounds of life from Ginny. She thought she heard the occasional wheeze, but that was most likely from Ron.
Harry turned to find Cho but found that she wasn't there. So he reached through the window and pulled Ginny back through. She was unconcious. He went to go find Cho.
Suddenly an American girl walked in and said,
"Hey! I'm Tracey! I'm like, the new transfer student from New York!"
Sirius stared at her and felt her eyes on him. Standing up, he though he liked what he saw. Then he realised that he was wrong. She walked closer toward him and smiled . He backed away and sat back down. Tracey frowned and asked,
"What's wrong Siri baby?"
He groaned.
"I hate that nickname."
Mandy giggled and Tracey finally noticed her.
"Like, who are you bitch whore bookworm!?"
Mandy glared at her and walked over to Ron who was waking up.
"Get up ginger moron!"
Tracey came over and patted Ron on the head.
"Awww! I love gingers!"
Ron promptly forgot about his love for Mandy and put his arm around Tracey. Mandy was pissed, so she kissed Sirius.
Sirius died again.
Mandy went to find Harry. But as she reached the door Tracey handed her a letter.
"It's from Dumbledore. OMG what a cute name!"
Mandy read the letter and grew even more pissed as the letter informed her that she had to marry Draco Malfoy or her family would die.
"No!" she screamed in agony.
Ron asked, "What's wrong?"
She hid the embarrassing truth from him and muttered, "Nothing."
Ron is retarded, so he believed her. He fell back in love and Mandy changed her name back to Hermione.
Tracey turned to Sirius and pouted,
"Paddy? I need to tell you something about Harry."
"What?"
"You're dead."
"That's not about Harry."
"You wouldn't have listened if I didn't lie."
"I'm not dead."
Tracey huffed and puffed in anger until part of the house fell down on her.
"Yaaay!" he cheered.
"Paddy, that was mean." Smiled Hermione
"I didn't like her."
Draco ran in and grasped Hermione's hand. Ron was enraged.
"We have to keep it a secret." Muttered Draco, so Hermione snogged his brains out to make it realistic.
"OMG!!!" shouted Ron in envy. "I am SO not your best friend anymore!"
Hermione got upset so Draco lay her down on the floor and fucked her to make her feel better. She screamed his name in happiness and they went to go get married.
(at the wedding)
The priest (Dumbledore) called out,
"Speak now or forever hold your peace!"
Harry ran in and shouted,
"Draco I love you!"
Draco decided that he loved him too, so they snogged and Hermione was heartbroken. Dumbledore chuckled and Ron stood up to try and use Harry's trick,
"I love you Hermione!"
It worked, so Hermione ran over to him and snogged him too.
Then Dumbledore married both of the new couples on the same day so that they were all the best four friends forever!
Snape was sad because he was supposed to have 'made love' to Draco and Harry before they got married so he asked them for a threesome and they agreed for kicks.
Dumbledore told Voldemort that Draco didn't marry Hermione and Voldemort got pissed off until Dumbledore asked if he wouldn't mind leaving the Wizarding World alone. Voldemort agreed and was allowed to have a never ending supply of Every Flavour Jelly Beans, which turned out to be more exciting than killing Muggles anyway!
THE END!?
A/N Should I write another one?