A/N: I find Ryan and Kelly to be such an interesting dynamic and they make me smile and laugh with their dysfunction. This is my first fanfiction ever so please be gentle.

Chapter One – This Lonely Place

When they had been dating, there was a part of Kelly Kapoor that always knew Ryan Howard never loved her. He did not feel one iota of the intensity in which she felt for him. She wasn't even sure whether or not he had even liked her. He had broken up with her so coldly, so harshly, as if the past year they had been together had been nothing to him. And Kelly now admitted, finally, to herself that that was just what he thought of their relationship. It had been nothing to him. She had loved him wholly. She had treated him as if he was everything to her and he had thought that she was nothing. It had taken her two months since he left for New York and he broke her heart but Kelly Kapoor finally admitted to herself that Ryan Howard never loved her. She had never loved someone as much as she had loved him and he hadn't even liked her.

It was strange seeing him again. She sat in the back of the conference room for that morning's scheduled meeting next to Stanley of all people. Ryan was standing at the front of the room, next to Michael, watching as his former coworkers filed in rather drearily and reluctantly. Stanley had no intention of listening to the meeting and had brought one of his crossword puzzle books in with him. He sat in the back against the wall, next to Kelly, so no one could see him blatantly doing something other than pay attention.

Normally, Kelly would have been chattering away on things that were of no interest to him and he would have to sigh and roll his eyes and use the same tactics on her that he used when he was ignoring Michael. But Kelly was not chattering Stanley's ear off. In fact, she was not speaking at all. Instead, she seemed to be particularly obsessed with picking imaginary pieces of lint from her skirt.

Ryan looked different but to her, it was more than the obvious changes on the outside. His beard, his all black wardrobe, his perfectly cut and styled hair, the Blackberry that seemed permanently attached to his right hand now. Everyone noticed those changes but Kelly knew there was something more different to him. His blue eyes seemed blanker than they used to be. They seemed distant, almost dead. But Kelly knew that she was the only one who noticed that. She doubted that even Ryan noticed it.

She didn't mean to look at him but once she finally lifted her eyes from the gray skirt she was wearing that day and saw him standing there, looking down at his blackberry, she couldn't look away. It pained her to look at him but at the same time, despite the tears she still wanted to cry over him and the pain in her chest, her stomach still knotted like a school girl with a crush at the sight of him. She quickly looked down again though when Ryan lifted his head to look at his former co-workers all now present in their chairs in front of him.

Ryan pretended that he couldn't feel Kelly's presence in the back of the conference room. He pretended that he didn't see her picking at her skirt. He pretended that he didn't see just how perfectly coordinated she looked that day like she always did. She wore a gray skirt, a pink shirt and a matching pink cardigan sweater with those black stiletto heels of hers that were her favorite pair.

She had dragged him to New York for a Saturday shopping excursion and she had promised him that it would be so much fun. Ryan though had felt that shooting himself would have been a far more entertaining way to spend his weekend but Kelly could be persistent to say the least. She had found the shoes in Bloomingdales and though he hadn't said anything and simply stood there with his hands in his pockets and stared up at the ceiling, though he had ignored her squeals of delight, he had quickly glanced at her as she pranced around the shoe department, looking at her reflection. Wearing those heels always made her legs look longer and hotter.

Standing there at the front of the conference room though, Ryan, of course, didn't see or notice any of this. In fact, Kelly Kapoor was no longer even a blip on his radar. That's right. Hardly a blip. He barely glanced at her when he looked up from his Blackberry and forced himself to shift his attention to Michael.

Ryan loved New York. This is what he kept telling himself as he stood in that conference room, now the boss of all of these people. He loved everything about his new life – his apartment, his wardrobe, his friends and the money he now had at his disposal. There was not one thing he missed about Scranton. What was there to miss there? He had been absolutely miserable stuck in that miniscule town, working every day in that office. When he had gotten the promotion, he hadn't been able to leave fast enough.

Why would he miss anything in Scranton? Scranton was the symbol in his life of everything that he never wanted. And one of the biggest things he didn't want was sitting in the back of the conference room, her black silky hair pulled back into an intricate knot he was certain she had seen on some celebrity in some magazine, showing off the delicate arch of her neck that he used to always love to kiss…

He moved his eyes away from Michael to see if everyone was there. Pam was missing, he noted, and through the doorway, he saw that she was on the phone, dealing with a call that had come in at the last moment. Ryan sighed softly, glancing down at his Blackberry. He just wanted this mandatory meeting to be over with so he could go back to New York.

"Michael?"

Ryan immediately lifted his eyes upon hearing that voice though it was far much quieter than he was usually used to. He looked at her as she stood up, straightening her skirt as she always did. She had lost some weight in the two months since he saw her last.

"Do I really have to be here for this meeting?" She asked.

"Yes, Kelly. It's mandatory," Ryan snapped much more harshly than he meant to.

Kelly felt her entire body go completely still but she kept her eyes set on Michael. Ryan Howard didn't deserve to have her beautiful chocolate brown eyes even flicker in his direction. "I have been on the phone all morning trying to avoid catastrophe with the mistake in the shipment to the schools. I need to be at my phone right now. Missing a phone call today could very well be more disastrous than Britney's performance at the VMAs."

"What shipment problem?" Ryan questioned, turning his head away from her to Michael, for once, not rolling his eyes at Kelly's random addition of a celebrity reference in her sentence.

"There is NO shipment problem," Michael said forcefully, glaring blatantly at Kelly. He then grinned, almost laughing, and slapped Ryan on the back. "She just wants to get out of the meeting so she won't have to be around you after you dumped the old ball and chain."

"Michael," Ryan said sharply, clenching his jaw so tightly, the muscles in his face began to twitch. "I am your boss now. My private life is none of your business."

"But everyone knows you dumped her," Dwight spoke from his chair in the front row, jumping to the defense of Michael. "She hid under her desk for days afterwards."

Kelly knew that Dwight and Michael didn't mean to be cruel. She knew that they were idiots and spoke whatever they thought without thinking or filtering it and she knew that she was guilty of doing the same thing. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment nonetheless. She had never wanted Ryan to know just how much him breaking up with her had hurt her and effected her though she knew that it was kind of obvious. She wasn't nearly as perky or talkative. She still talked about mundane celebrity trivia and gossip but she really didn't care as much as she used to. She didn't care about Brad and Angelina adopting yet another kid or who was dating who or who was breaking up with you. She didn't care about Britney Spears' new drama with her kids or what rehab center Lindsay Lohan was in that week.

"If we have to stay then Kelly has to stay," Angela said, giving Kelly a pointed look.

Kelly wanted to snap something back at her but she had never been able to be just outright mean to someone like that. Angela had always hated her for some reason. Whenever she had seen Kelly and Ryan kissing, she had always snorted in disgust and made comments under her breath.

"Kelly is staying because there is absolutely nothing wrong with anything!" Michael exclaimed, laughing nervously, his eyes shifting over his employees, his voice getting steadily louder with each word. "Absolutely nothing!"

Ryan blinked blankly at him for a moment before slowly turning his head to look at Kelly and for the first time since he had returned to the Scranton office, she met his eyes directly. She seemed different to him just like he seemed different to her. Ryan thought that that was completely ridiculous. He had spent a year trying to end things between them and now, two months later, he was noticing the little things about her.

One big change for Kelly was that she wasn't smiling. Kelly always smiled. Well… Ryan knew that she almost always smiled.

"Here," Ryan said, thrusting a green envelope into her hands. "Happy birthday."

"Oh, Ryan!" She squealed in such a high-pitched tone that he grimaced. When Kelly got over-excited like that, it always reminded him of fingernails on a chalkboard. She flung her arms around his neck and placed kisses all of his face. "You remembered! I knew you would remember!"

The truth of the matter was that Ryan had in fact forgotten that it was her birthday and had only remembered on the drive to work when he had heard the radio morning dj announce the date. With a few choice swear words, Ryan had turned in the direction of the drug store to hurry and buy her a card before he was late to work. He hated being late. Michael always made a big announcement when he was.

Kelly was still beaming happily as she pulled away from him so she could open her birthday card. She decided to forgive him for the green envelope instead of the pink one and she giggled as she pulled the card out. Ryan was the best boyfriend ever. He had made her believe that he had actually forgotten her birthday. He had gotten into the office and had ignored her and had barely looked at her but then he turned around in his chair and presented her with this. She wondered what he had planned for them to do that night – something sweet and romantic. Perhaps a ring would be involved? Kelly giggled to herself again. It was her birthday and she could dream if she wanted to.

Ryan had already turned back to his desk but the silence coming from behind him was slightly unnerving. Kelly had just been squealing for god's sakes and now she was completely silent. He glanced over his shoulder and saw her still sitting in her chair, staring down at the card he had bought for her in her hands, frowning now.

Feeling that he was now looking at her, Kelly lifted her head up from the card and gave him a small smile, a fake smile. "Thank you," she said quietly, so un-Kelly like, and then turned back towards her desk, placing the card on top of a stack of papers.

It was only when she went to the bathroom a few minutes later did he look at the card he had bought. In his haste, he had accidentally bought a card that said "Happy Birthday, Sis" on the front flap and inside, he had signed it with nothing more than his name in his chicken scratch handwriting. He hadn't even read the card when he bought that. And when Kelly returned to her desk, her eyes red, making it obvious that she had been crying, Ryan's guilt grew and he thought about breaking up with her for the countless time.

Kelly didn't smile the rest of the day.

"This meeting is mandatory," Ryan said, not looking away from her eyes. "Kelly has to stay."

"No, I have to stay by my phone," Kelly argued, crossing her arms over her chest. She really didn't want to stay in this meeting and watch Ryan as he presented himself as the new boss to the region. This was like his coming-out party and she wanted no part of it. He had done it. He had gotten everything he had always wanted and she hoped that he was happy but that didn't mean she had to torture herself by watching him be happy without her.

With her arms crossed over her chest, she looked like a petulant child not getting a toy in the store that they wanted. The others in the conference room watched, their heads pinging back and forth between the two as if they were watching a tennis match but neither Ryan or Kelly seemed to notice any of them.

"Despite what some upper management thinks, customer service has not been outsourced to India just yet," Kelly snapped at him, taking silent pleasure when he visibly flinched. From the look in his eyes, she knew he was wondering how she had found out about his suggestion but she only smiled slyly. He, of all people, should have known that she had her ways. "I am still a part of Dunder-Mifflin customer service and customers are in need of my service today."

"That's what she said," Michael blurted out proudly with a grin and Kevin laughed.

Pam entered the conference room, having just now finished helping a person who had to be convinced that Dunder-Mifflin sold paper and that he had the wrong number, but she stopped upon seeing Kelly and Ryan staring at one another. She glanced at Jim, who had been saving a seat for her, but he only shrugged and then shook his head.

After Ryan had broken up with Kelly, ending a year-long relationship with just five words, Pam and Kelly had grown closer. Pam had consoled her, gone shopping with her and had bought Chunky Monkey ice cream for her. Even though Pam and Jim were finally in a relationship together, Pam knew all too well about heartache and her heart went out to her normally bubbly co-worker. She knew Ryan coming from New York back to Scranton would be difficult for Kelly. And Pam was clearly right.

"Kelly," Ryan said, quickly losing his patience. He had never seen her so eager to get back to work before. "Sit. Down."

"For the love of… Kelly, sit down so we can start the meeting!" Michael exclaimed and Kelly sat back down in her chair, her arms never uncrossing from her chest and her eyes never leaving Ryan's.

Michael looks into the camera with what he hopes is a pensive expression.

"It's not that I'm taking sides in the whole Kelly/Ryan breakup because as the Regional Manager of the Dunder Mifflin branch in beautiful Scranton, I have far more important matters to see to. But if I had to, absolutely had to, choose a side, obviously, I'm siding with my boy, Ryan. I mean… Kelly should have known as soon as she started dating him… it is impossible to keep a man that good-looking to yourself. Ryan had to do what guys like me and him have to do from time to time."

Ryan rubbed a hand over his face in exhaustion as he slipped on his coat. It was five o'clock, time to go home, and the people of the office filtered out slowly. The meeting had lasted longer than necessary – thanks in part to Michael and his millions of inane interruptions. And on top of that, as he explained the concept of Dunder Mifflin Infinity to everyone, he was more than aware of her presence in the back of the room. Normally, during meetings, she used to hold his hand or rest her head on his shoulder. She would smell of vanilla and apples and he would try to move away from her but she would only cling tighter. There were some times when it wasn't all bad. He liked it some times when she rested her head on his shoulder. It felt good.

The office was quiet. Most had left already. Ryan had feared that Michael would stay behind and insist they hang out but luckily, Jan had called with some sort of emergency that had Michael running out as soon as he hung up his cell phone. Pam and Jim were laughing softly about something at his desk and Ryan wished that they would leave already. He wanted to be alone for a few moments and revel in the rare silence of the office. He had to drive back to New York but he couldn't seem to finish packing his briefcase bag. He was stalling and he knew he was. He just didn't know why he was doing it.

His mind drifted to thoughts of her, which had been happening more and more ever since he made the move to New York. He would think of her during the strangest times. At home, playing his X-Box, in his bathroom brushing his teeth, at work, sitting on his desk and wishing that she was leaning up against him like she did.

He missed her.

He admitted it. He, Ryan Howard, missed Kelly Kapoor, the girl he had dated and tried to get rid of for a year. He missed her like hell and he hated himself for that. He wasn't supposed to miss her. He wasn't supposed to feel any sort of attachment to her. He had dated her for a year, using her just as something to pass the time with, and now, he missed her and wished that he could talk to her without her bolting for the nearest door.

When did this start to happen? Why did this have to happen to him? He had the perfect life back in New York, albeit a bit lonely one, but the second he got back to Scranton, Kelly somehow managed to dig her way back into his brain like some fucking alien implanted seed.

"Hey, Kelly," Pam greeted with a warm smile.

Ryan looked up from his Blackberry and looked through the door of the conference room to see Kelly walk up to Pam and Jim, who still stood at his desk. She smiled at them, slinging her purse onto her shoulder.

"So you ready for Thursday night horror movie night?" Jim asked.

Ryan pretended to be busy checking his emails but he strained his ears. Since when did Kelly, Jim and Pam all hang out with one another after work? What the hell was a Thursday night horror movie night? Okay, it was a bit self-explanatory but still.

"I hate Thursdays," Kelly grumbled and Pam laughed. "Why can't we move Tuesday night romance movie night to Thursdays?"

"Because then we'd just watch horror movies on the Tuesdays," Jim explained with a shrug and then slung an arm around Pam's shoulders. "Besides, after you two made me sit through A Love Story, you can sit through Amityville Horror for me."

Pam laughed again. "I'm sorry, Jim."

"No, Pam," Kelly gasped in mock-horror. "Love means never having to say you're sorry," she said then burst into giggles, joined by Pam and Jim's amused smirk.

Ryan found himself almost smiling but he refrained. He remembered when Kelly had made him watch that god forsaken movie. He had downed a six-pack of beer just to get through it. But they had sat on the couch and she had cuddled with him and Ryan remembered thinking that maybe it wasn't that bad – being with her, not the movie. The movie was awful. But Kelly pressed against him, her fingers playing with his, that wasn't that bad for Ryan.

Looking back on things now, Ryan realized that not everything with Kelly had been as bad as he had thought. It was too late now to even have those thoughts.

"Are you okay, Kel?" Jim asked, suddenly concerned and the mood between the three of them shifted into something far more somber. "With Ryan here this afternoon?"

Ryan turned his head to look at her profile. She still didn't know that he was there and he wondered how she didn't know. He could sense her without ever seeing her. Did she not sense him? Feel him nearby?

Kelly shrugged, smiling sadly. "It hurts but… he's our boss now. He's going to be coming to Scranton a lot so I might as well learn how to deal with it. I mean… Brad, Angelina and Jennifer all live in the same town and they manage to coexist peacefully, right? I can soooooo get through this."

They left a few minutes later, Jim and Pam sparring back and forth playfully between the two of them but Kelly hung back for a minute. She turned and faced the conference room, hers and Ryan's eyes instantly locking. Both fell perfectly still as they stared at one another. She had known he was there the entire time. He had gone through this office in the background, trying to be forgotten by their other coworkers but Kelly had always seen him. She had always been able to find him. As scary as it sounded, he had never been able to hide from her.

Looking him dead in the eyes, she straightened her shoulders back. "I can so get through this."