Edward has been back now for about two weeks.. Although I missed him terribly, it's been a little hard. Especially because I have to hide my scars from him. He doesn't know that when he was gone, I had to cut myself to feel anything. And even that was only temporally pain.
I always wear long shirts to cover my wrist, which makes me kind of glad I live in the wet town of Forks.. No one will notice or say anything when you wear a winter shirt in summer. Nobody knows that I cut while he was, I'm sure they have suspicion but they don't actually know. Which is good, because then word would get back to the Cullens'.. And couldn't really have that..
And another thing, I've been having problems sleeping at night. I opened my eyes for a second to see what time it was, two a.m. My perfect boyfriend had his arms wrapped around me and thought I went to sleep many hours ago but I've just been thinking a lot.. I wonder what would happen if Edward found out.. These are the times I'm glad he can't read my thoughts. I made the mistake of sighing outside my head, where Edward could hear me.. "Bella? Love? Are you awake?" his velvet voice whispered in my ear. "Yeah, I can't really sleep tonight" Every night I corrected myself mentally.
"Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream? I'm right here. You're okay. I won't let anything hurt you ever." He whispered as he wrapped his arms a little tighter around me. I just snuggled deeper in to him as response.
That morning we had to go to school, I got only thirty minutes of sleep that night so I was exhausted. Alice came dancing over to us when we got out of the silver Volvo. "Gooood morning!" She said with a lot of enthusiasm and she hugged me tight. I had to chuckle at her.
As we walked in the building Edward was holding me around the waist and Alice was going on about this new store that opened close by. I tried to pay attention but I could barely move my feet I was so tired. "Edward hold on.." I mumbled at him and I went to sit down on the curb, and of course it's the curb where I almost passed out with Mike Newton last year. Before I could even put my head in my lap, Edward was there kneeling in front of me. "Bella? Honey? Whats the matter?" I could tell he was a little panicked. Now every time he even suspects something is wrong he gets a little panicky but he hides or tries.
"Nothing.. I'm just really tired.." I half said and have whispered. I knew I wouldn't able to make through school today. Edward was stroking my hair while Alice sat down next to me. I made sure to keep my wrist covered even as I was about to sleep on the ground. I faintly heard Alice tell him that they should take me to their house to rest. And then I couldn't do it, I just feel asleep.
I woke up at the Cullen house on their living room couch with a large soft warm blanket on top of me and my personal God to the side of me. "Good morning sleeping beauty" he tried to lighten the mood, I giggled at him and said, "Good morning prince charming. What time is it by the way?" "Oh, about three thirty-ish" I was taken back by this. Did I really sleep eight and a half hours!? "Oh my god, I didn't know I've been asleep that long—" Edward cut me off saying "Love, it's okay. You needed this and you look better." He touched right below my eyes.
"Carlisle will be home soon to check on you. I just want to make sure you're okay." I nodded understanding how sleeping through the whole day can scare someone. Just then Carlisle walked in the door with a warm smile and his black doctor bag in one hand. "Good afternoon, Edward, Bella." His voice was very nice but it wasn't Edwards. "So Bella, my son, has asked me to check up on you. So lets get started. Shall we?" "Yeah, Sure."
"Can you lift up your sleeve for a minute, dear. I want to check your pulse." I suddenly freezed. My scars. I slowly rolled up my sleeve, and made sure to keep my hand flat so the scars weren't visible to them. Carlisle just got done with taking my pulse and I went to yank down my sleeve when I felt a cold hand on my arm. I looked up and I saw Edwards face full of concern when he mumbled, "Wait love.. I saw something on your wrist.." I could tell he was confused so I quickly answered, "Oh its probably nothing." And tried to move his hand.
"I just want to check." As he rolled up my sleeve with his big hands. I heard him gasp and I heard Carlisle step out for a moment to give us some privacy. I wasn't brave enough to look up.
"Bella… Oh my Bella.. What have you done.." He trailed off while inspecting my wrist. I couldn't say anything. I didn't trust myself too. I knew if I was to say one thing I would burst in to tears. I just sat there my head hung in shame. He kept running his fingers over the scars and mumbling something I couldn't understand. "Bella.. You need to tell me right now. Is this all of them?" Why lie now? So I shook my head no but made no attempt to show him my other wrist. But he knew where to find them.
Still without dropping my right hand, he picked up my left hand and rolled up the sleeve. Each second he looked at them the more my heart broke. I wasn't angry for him seeing them. He wasn't angry for me having them. He was sad for me having them. And I was sad for him seeing them. Sadness took up both of our bodies that there wasn't really room for anger or hate.
I finally spoke up, "I'm sorry Edward.. I'm so sorry.." He dropped my hands and put his cold hands on the sides of my face and slowly lifted my head so I have to look at him. When I saw his face, my heart broke. I have never seen a face so hurt or broken before. He didn't need tears to show me he was hurt. "Bella.. My love.. Why..?" I shook my head and said, "Because I couldn't feel anything. I wanted to feel something. Even if it was pain.." And that was the truth I just needed it.
"Isabella Marie Swan, I am never ever EVER leaving you again. You are my one and only love. You hold my heart. And you can have anything in the world. Anything. You will never know how sorry I am for causing you this pain. You have every right to hate me and yell at me. But please… please please tell me this stupid act is over." He spoke in his velvet voice just a few inches from my face, I could just hear the pleading in his voice. Like if his heart was beating, it would be broken. I spoke softly too because I still couldn't trust my voice, "Yes. Yes my love it is done. And I could never hate you. You are my world and I love you to death. Please don't blame yourself." "Bella. How could I not? Its my fault.. if I never left you.. If I just stayed here with you. Then you wouldn't need to drag a blade across your beautiful skin and try to kill yourself by jumping off a cliff.. I am so sorry. Please forgive me."
I couldn't say anything to that. I just jumped in his arms and hugged him as tight as I could. He stood up with my arms around his neck and my legs wrapped around his torso like a child. And he just hugged me back as tight as he could without hurting me. I could have stayed in that moment forever. It was perfect. He just stood there with me in his arms. No words. Nothing but peacefulness. By now the rest of the Cullens' were home. And I'm sure Carlisle told them what was going on. Just then Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie slowly walked in the room. Edward sat me down on the couch and held my hand.
(EDWARDS P.O.V.)
I couldn't believe it.. My love had hurt herself because she couldn't feel anything else.. Because I wasn't here.. I just want her to be happy.. After I learned about her jumping off the cliff I knew things had to change. I couldn't let her get out of my sight. I wasn't going to lose her. Not ever again. She is priceless to me.
She in my arms hugging me as tight as her little body would let her. I felt her heart beat and I just enjoyed that. Her heart beating was the best sound I have ever heard, it was just beautiful. After about ten minutes my siblings walked in the door. I read their thoughts
'woah Edward.. Did she really.. really cut herself..?' –Emmett
'I can't believe my best friend.. No.. Bella..' –Alice
'I should have figured it out with her emotions..' –Jasper
'Jesus Christ Bella..' –Rosalie
Emmett was the brave one, He walked up to Bella and crouched in front of her. For the first time his laughter was gone. He took my loves little hands in his massive ones and looked her in the eyes. "Bella, I just want to let you know. You're my little sister, and I love you a lot. Don't ever let my idiot of a brothers ideas ever let you do this again. We all love you and we are never leaving. I won't let anything hurt my little sister. I promise." And he gave her a big bear hug and kissed her on the cheek. Bella hugged him and whispered in his ear "I love you too, Emmett." I think she is going to be okay. She is a fighter. She is my little fighter. She's always won against everything. I was proud to call her mine. Even with her scars, that's how you know she fought for our love back. I couldn't ask for anything more as she wrapped her arms around me.