Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters belong to Gene Roddenberry and Paramount.
A/N: Pure. Crack. Implied SLASH, Kirk/Spock established relationship. That's pretty much all you need to know. Set sometime between my fics Teach Me and Mission To Gamus. The lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up and Together Forever belong to Rick Astley.
.~.
Spock Gets Rick Rolled
It was a slow day on the Starship Enterprise. First Officer Spock returned to his quarters two hours earlier than normal, as he had finished a science experiment ahead of schedule. Now he could either meditate, go to the rec room to relax with friends, or get a jump on those personnel reports. Being the logical Vulcan he was, Spock decided to get a jump on those personnel reports. He could have fun any old time; the responsible thing to do would be to finish the reports hours before they were due. Perhaps this would even please the captain! Spock hoped so. He loved pleasing the captain very much.
Spock pulled the file up on his computer, sent to him by Captain Kirk to review. Except, when he opened the file, there was no report to be found. Instead, his view screen was filled with the image of a human male on the cusp of adulthood, wearing old-fashioned sunglasses. And, by Surak, he was singing! Very loudly. Spock winced at the clichéd lyrics, the contractions, the colloquialisms, and the bad dancing. It took about ten seconds before the Vulcan deduced he was watching an old Terran music video from the late 20st century. Spock much preferred Vulcan love poetry over silly Terran love songs. Why would Jim send me this? Spock already knew how much Jim cared for him. Jim told him as much through their bond every single day. He then concluded that Jim had meant it as a joke.
Spock was not amused.
"Computer, disengage file." Unfortunately, the singing human's irritating voice wasn't cut short.
"Apologies, Commander Spock. Captain's override only." Spock gritted his teeth. It seemed that his bondmate was indeed playing a 'prank' on him. After listening to it for thirty seconds, Spock really wanted this song to die a horrible death.
"We're no strangers to looooooove," sung the human. "You know the rules, and so do I… you wouldn't get this from any other guy!" Oh Jim. If Spock had been human, he would've rolled his eyes. Several times.
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you."
Spock tried his best to mute the file but it was no use. The tune was really grating on his nerves… He almost decided to send his disapproval to Jim through their mind link, but thought the better of it. Spock didn't want to give Jim the satisfaction that he'd annoyed him. If he did, he'd never hear the end of Jim's gloating. Besides, he was an intelligent being. He could figure out how to shut the music off himself.
That was when he noticed the incoming com. Spock then tried to shut the entire computer system off, to no avail. The Enterprise's First Officer swallowed his frustration and answered the com.
"Commander Spock here." It was Lieutenant Uhura.
"Commander, there is music playing all over the ship and we don't know how to shut it down." All over the ship? Jim… He was making this public? Oh, his bondmate was so going to get it tonight… "We've tracked the signal to your quarters. What is going on down there?" Spock slightly winced.
"I believe the captain is behind this, Uhura."
"I'll punch him through to you, sir." He could almost hear her smirk. Spock wished Dr. McCoy were around because he firmly believed a 'Dammit, Jim!' was in order.
"Mr. Spock?" Jim's silken voice filtered through the comm system.
"Affirmative, Captain," Spock replied. He decided to feign ignorance. "Is there something I can do for you?"
.~.
Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Enterprise
Captain Kirk winced as he heard the deafening streams of Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' filter onto the bridge. I guess Spock decided to get started on those reports before dinner. Dammit, he always sticks to a schedule. Why did he have to chose today to become spontaneous? It just wasn't fair. How was Jim supposed to know that Spock was going to open the file while the ambassador to Troyius was still on board the ship? If the man reported the distraction to Starfleet, it was going to be one huge embarrassment for him…
"Captain Kirk, is this a normal occurrence?" Jim shook his head, trying to reassure the frowning ambassador that constant distractions were not a problem on the Enterprise's bridge.
"I assure you, Ambassador, we will fix the problem momentarily." He gave the man a slow, blinding grin which seemed to have absolutely no effect. What is this guy, asexual? He tried not to let the lack of reaction bruise his ego. But then Kirk put the ambassador out of his mind for the moment. He had to dwell on the fact that he had dug his own grave, so to speak.
Jim had thought his plan for the prank had been flawless. He'd been absolutely sure Spock would leave the reports until after dinner, when the ambassador would've already departed the ship once they'd reached Starbase 11. Unfortunately, Jim had forgotten to include Spock's unpredictable human nature into the equation for the perfect prank. And now he was paying the price.
As it was, the Ambassador still continued to ask questions about the disturbance, so Kirk ordered Uhura to shut off the noise, fully knowing that it would be impossible for her to do so.
"I'm sorry, sir, but the system is not responding. However, I have tracked the source of the music to Commander Spock's quarters." Everyone on the bridge looked at each other in surprise. Mr. Spock, listening to a Terran love song? Impossible!
"That doesn't sound like Mr. Spock at all," Sulu commented.
"No. It doesn't," Uhura agreed, glaring at Jim, who just gave her a charming grin in reply. He was so screwed.
"I looowe dis song!" Chekov exclaimed, enthusiastically moving his head along in time with the beat. He glanced at Sulu. "It reminds me of the time –" Sulu was beet red. Jim decided to rescue him.
"Lieutenant, contact Mr. Spock," Jim ordered, bringing everyone's attention back to him while trying his best to tune out the song. Why had he ever thought this would've been a good idea? "I want to get to the bottom of this."
"Yes, Captain," she said sweetly, before pushing a few buttons on her console. "I have him now, sir."
"Mr. Spock?"
"Affirmative, Captain. Is there something I can do for you?" Jim easily noticed the irritation oozing from Spock's voice. But more than likely, to everyone else besides Uhura, he just sounded like an unemotional Vulcan. Go figure.
"Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!" Astley continued to croon. Some of the bridge officers had to cover their ears.
"Mr. Spock, as amusing as your musical selection is, I would appreciate it if you would not share it with the entire ship," Kirk reprimanded him. "It is very distracting to the ambassador and to myself when we are trying to work." Oh, he was in for it now! Jim had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing as Spock gave his reply.
"I assure you, that was not my intention, Captain. As of yet, I have not discovered a way to terminate this deplorable musical selection."
"Have you tried shutting down the system?" Yep, Spock was definitely going to kill him.
"Captain, I have applied all my knowledge of computers to this situation and have 'come up empty', as you say. The only way to stop the music is if you give me the override code." Oh crap.
"Can't you just wait for the music to stop?" Kirk wondered.
"I cannot. It appears that whoever sent me this incorrectly labeled file put the song on a continuous loop." The entire bridge groaned, including the poor ambassador, who was holding his ears. Jim decided this had gone on long enough.
"Mr. Spock, I believe the override is command Alpha Delta 1 0 1 3." Suddenly the bridge was quiet. Everyone was thrilled to give their poor eardrums a rest, except for Chekov. (He liked that song wery much.)
"Sir, just how did you know the code?" Uhura wanted to know, voicing the curiosity of everyone on the bridge. Kirk just gave her his famous smirk.
"Captain's intuition."
.~.
Later that night, Captain's Quarters
Jim had just finished the end of Beta shift and had retired to his quarters for the night. He found Spock already in bed, waiting for him.
"I never did receive those reports." Jim sighed as Spock finally reopened their mind link, allowing his disapproval to filter through. He stripped off his gold shirt, folded it neatly, and set it in one of his drawers. The last thing he wanted was to add fuel to the fire for being messy.
"I know, it was a bad joke." Spock lifted an eyebrow.
"Jim, that sort of conduct was inappropriate, but it was especially so in front of the ambassador. I believed you had a bit more sense than that." Jim frowned.
"I do! I know your schedule Spock - it's very predictable. I really didn't think you'd open the file until after dinner."
"I wanted to finished the reports early to surprise you," Spock admitted.
"You really didn't have to do that." But Jim was grinning, that special grin he reserved only for his bondmate. And people say that Vulcans have no emotions! Jim knew that this was just one of Spock's ways of showing that he cared for his mate.
"Now, thanks to you, everyone on this ship believes that I enjoy listening to that tripe." Spock scooted over in the bed to make room for Jim.
"No they don't," the captain laughed. He shared his affection for Spock through the link. "You just got Rick Rolled, is all." There went Spock's eyebrow.
"I am not familiar with the concept of a Rick Roll." Jim just snuggled up closer to his bondmate, who stiffened. Spock did not appreciate being the butt of a joke.
"You kill me, Spock." I love you, Spock. "You know how you keep asking me to show you more Terran customs?"
"Yes."
"Well, this is one of them. It began in the early 21st century and has lasted ever since."
"It is a most illogical custom, Captain."
"I know," Jim smiled at him again, and Spock began to feel himself relax. The Vulcan finally returned Jim's wave of affection via their bond. "Most things that humans do are. But it's not like you're the only one on this ship who's ever been Rick Rolled. I try to do it to Bones once a day, and to Scotty at least once a week, and they return the favor. It is the same for other people." Spock frowned.
"How come I have never experienced this phenomenon before?" Jim chuckled.
"No one has been brave enough to do it you. Naturally, I was."
"Naturally." Spock echoed. "But if people have been Rick Rolling each other, how is it that I have never heard the song being blasted from the ship's speakers before?" Jim blushed.
"That's actually not part of a traditional Rick Roll. I just did that to you to annoy you even more."
"I see." Spock contemplated this for a moment. He supposed that it was somewhat amusing. "Jim, do you believe the lyrics of this song apply to us?" Jim yawned, resting his head on Spock's chest.
"I guess they do. I never really thought about it before. I really didn't mean to embarrass you, Spock. Sometimes I just get a wild idea and run with it, never really thinking about how it will affect others. Will you forgive me?" The corners of Spock's mouth curled up just slightly. How could he say no to those soulful blue eyes?
"Yes. I believe you had somewhat good intentions."
"Thanks for being such a good sport." Spock was thoroughly amused by now.
"I am quite used to your whims by now, Jim. Do not trouble yourself with this any longer." Jim nodded and scooted back to his side of the bed.
"'Night, Spock."
"Goodnight, T'hy'la. Pleasant dreams."
As Jim drifted off, Spock left the bed. He wished to look up a few things on the computer.
After his search, Spock found out more information on the singer Rick Astley than he cared to remember. He also researched the phenomenon of Rick Rolling. It was just as Jim said, humans would send that particular music video to a friend under a different label. Being the curious Vulcan he was, Spock also looked up the lyrics to Astley's other big hit. His curiosity satisfied, Spock switched off the computer and returned to bed. He slipped in next to Jim, and watched his slumbering bondmate. He was so beautiful, so childlike when he slept. And Spock had these moments all to himself! Spock also could tell from his slow breathing that Jim was in a deep sleep. Good.
Just before Spock fell asleep, he whispered Astley's contrived and clichéd lyrics to his bondmate. Because, just this once, they were applicable. Jim would never know.
"Together forever and never to part. Together forever we two. And don't you know I would move heaven and earth to be together forever with you." Spock lightly brushed Jim's fingertips with his, a Vulcan goodnight kiss. He fell asleep quickly, exhausted from the events of the day.
What Spock didn't know was that Jim had been awake the whole time. He had been feigning sleep, curious as to what Spock was up to. But he certainly hadn't expected this! Jim closed his eyes. He couldn't stop smiling. Had Spock just quoted Rick Astley to him? Yes. Yes he had.
Fascinating.
But then Jim always had been the one to emotionally compromise Spock. He also had no way of knowing what awaited him when he pulled up the file for his Captain's Log the next morning…
End
A/N: I just had to introduce the concept of Rick Rolling into the Star Trek universe. What'd you think?!