It's My Mistake and It's Hurting Me
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE ACADEMY
WARNINGS: DEATH OF A MAIN CHARACTER, SUICIDE
A/N: My First VA fanfic... hope it's good!
I miss you Rose, no-one could ever give me as much grief as you did and you've been seared into my heart. You've broken my heart Rose, how I could forgive you... how can I forgive you? You ran away to save Belikov without telling me and I was worried sick! You were in Strigoi territory and you got kidnapped by Belikov and the sickest part was, you let him. I hate myself for loving you; you never really loved me did you? I was just temporary until Belikov got changed back into a Dhampir. I was just a temporary boyfriend in which you threw away. How could you do that?! I spilled out my heart to you Rose! I even quit smoking and Alcohol for you, it was all for you and what have you done for me? Nothing. Not an apology, not anything.
I haven't been the same after loving you, how could I? I watched you disappear. I should have just let you go; it would have made things less painful. I was stupid to think that you had forgotten about Belikov and that you would have been mine forever, but now we hardly see each other because you're Lissa's Guardian. How is Liss anyway?
Spirit...ha. It's gotten worse Rose; it's making my crazy... I'm turning into Vladimir aren't I? Next thing I know I'm going to kill myself and Sydney will be alone. If it ever comes down to that, let Sydney know that I loved her. Yeah I know me loving a human, but at least I'm not a temporary play toy like you treated me. She helps me in so many ways Rose, more than you ever did. She's really good at keeping our relationship secret from the Alchemists! They have no clue about us.
Lissa and I talk to each other using Spirit every now and again. Ha, bet you didn't know that did you? Well anyways she says you always light up and glow whenever Belikov comes by. I suppose I should be happy, but I'm not. Considering you broke my heart when I handed it to you, all those Spirit dreams... I regret it. I should have known from the get-go you were after your other-lover. We could have worked you know, we could have had a family but no you decided to go on your merry way with Belikov didn't you? Leaving me in the depths of despair with no hope or anything, so I went back to Alcohol and smoking to reduce the pain that the Spirit and you gave me.
It only made things worse so this is the point of the letter basically; it got too much. Too much Rose, all of it, I got constant headaches before it finally snapped that I could end this, end all of it. Course everyone would be grieving over me but it was my decision and it's probably was the most sensible decision I ever made...
You've wilted like a delicate flower Rose, a delicate Rose that is. This is my suicide letter to you, it could have been to anyone but I chose you because I'm not over you Rosemarie Hathaway and I never will be, my Dhampir.
Adrian Idashkov