This is just a new idea i've had floating round my head for a while, that i decided to start. They will get better, i promise :P But it's quarter to one in the morning over here :P These probably won't be UDed regularly because i have sooo many on going fics it's insane. But i hope you like it, even if it is a bit drabble-y and rubbish.

Disclaimer: How many times... i own nothing!

Letters to Ziva

Dear Ziva,

I'm so sorry. I should be telling you this in person, but I'm too much of a coward, and an idiot. I really am sorry. Not for killing Rivkin, I don't think I'll ever be truly sorry for that, but I am sorry that it hurt you. More sorry than you can possibly imagine. And I'm sorry too that you'll never get this, I won't send it, I don't think I would even if I had an address to send it to.

You haven't called, they said you'd call when you're ready, but I'm not so sure. I think you're still angry at me, at the world. Hell you have a right to be, cos I sure as hell am. I'm angry a lot at the moment, mostly at the world for taking you away from me, sometimes at you, for taking yourself away from me, away from your real home. You belong here, with us. You know that, really, we all know that. We all miss you so much. Everyone here does. You'd kill me if you knew this but I still have those photos of you, in LA. God, there are so many memories, and every time I think of you I manage to come up with a new one, and it hurts that little bit more every time. People say it gets easier, but really that's only for comfort, it actually just gets harder all the time. The longer you're away for, the more it hurts.

The other day, I was thinking back to when we first met. Those first few days, I remember following you to the hotel, and I remember you coming outside, just undercover with the pizza and you telling me about your sister, Tali. I saw a green dress in a shop window the other day, and that reminded me of when we went undercover. Then I remembered the time we were stuck in the container, for hours. And I laughed, even though it hurt to remember because you're no longer here. You left. But I'm still here.

I miss all the little things, like having you walk through the elevator doors, I miss your little slip ups with 'stupid American Idioms', I mean I even miss your death threats, and of course watching you while you work. I have pictures, but it's not the same. I miss you out in the field, and your expertise you used to make our kind of work bearable, even fun. You used to get me through even the darkest of days. Now the days drag, and the bad cases, well they're really bad.

I just miss you.

Tony

Please review! I like constructive criticism, especially when i know this is definitely not one of my best.

Thanks, Emily

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