Fred and George Weasley
Flat Above Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
93 Diagon Alley
London, England
Dear Fred (and George too, I suppose),
Just got your letter this morning. It took me all day to find a minute to write you back. Quidditch tryouts, y'know? I'm a Chaser. Big surprise there. Harry's general indecisiveness was a fantastic change from the drill sergeants. And you were right, the fangirls did swamp the tryouts, as did a few fanboys. You never know with Harry. He's a bit too close to your brother, in my opinion.
Speaking of the dumpling, Ron's the Keeper, which stunned absolutely everyone. No offense to you two, but he doesn't have all of the patented Weasley confidence. Especially not with the ladies, but that's a little off topic. Just saying was all. Cormac McLaggen was the general favorite, not to mention my first choice, but he zapped off like a prat on his last round. Looked nice as he did, though, to be fair.
How's your shop going? And no, I don't want you to send me any fledgling products. We already went through the Smart-Answer Quill for Charms ordeal. My hand is still aching. Those buggers that shop at WWW better appreciate quality when they see it.
From a dormitory in Hogwarts, all my love,
Katie Bell
oOo
Katie Bell
Sixth Year Girl's Dormitory, Gryffindor
Hogwarts
Aberdeen, Scotland
Katie Kate,
Shop is coming along well. Customers haven't managed to chop off their own ears with the trick wands yet, which is always a good sign. We had to put the quills through a rigorous improvement process to make them stop swearing in the middles of the little cheaters' answers. Wonder where that little tick could have come from?
And what do you mean, McLaggen looked nice? There's nothing nice about him. He ate a pound of doxy eggs because some Ravenclaw told him he didn't have the balls for it – he doesn't – which should tell you something about the state of affairs in his mind. Meaning he's bonkers. Thought it would penetrate your skull better in plain English.
Also, I'd rather you fancy Ron. Give him some experience and - what was it you used? - confidence.
George Weasley
P.S. Fred says 'hi and congratulations, I knew you'd beat the other Chasers into the ground.' He's just sucking up so you'll test a new confection of ours. If he asks, I said nothing of the sort.
oOo
George Weasley
Recipient's Dingy Office
93 Diagon Alley
London, England
George,
I see they haven't gotten any of your extremities with the wands, either? Damn. I blame the manufacturers of the quills, not the original source of extensive knowledge.
Yes, Cormac looked like a dream on a broom that day. Every other day, he looks just the same, but without the broom. And, quite honestly, I'm pretty sure he has the balls. Just ask around. Any girl can tell... oh, wait, I'm sorry. Other than me, the only females you're capable of speaking to without lapsing into giggles are Angelina, Alicia, and your brothers' friends.
I would take up the Ron opening, but unfortunately, I'm in St. Mungo's right now. Someone is dictating this letter for me. They say hi also.
And if I were to snog him, I would be reminded unbearably of your attacks on my mouth. Piss off.
Katie
oOo
Katie Bell
Ward 42
1200 Furnival St.
London, England
I'll be there in a few minutes. Fred's taking care of the shop. Try your hardest not to die while I'm in transit.
Love,
George
oOo
George Weasley
His Lovely Bedroom
93 Diagon Alley
London, England
Georgie Porgie,
Thank you. For visiting me, mostly. Not that your presence did me any good in recovering. I mean, honestly, that toilet seat has brought me nothing but stress, not to mention it being one of your more overworked ideas. Plus the bloody nurse hates me now. I think she slipped some Bubotuber pus into my disgusting hospital food. I'm allowed to say things like that now as I've regained the oft discounted ability to write. Quills are a bleeding nightmare when you can't hold them properly. Unfortunately, I could hold the damn Charms quill. No, I will not give that fight up, thank you. You can kiss me all you like.
Because of that line, I'd appreciate if you didn't let Fred read this. He would have nightmares for weeks, and I would have to carve out your freckled kidney with this dented spoon they're making me eat with. Then I would sell it on the Knockturn market. Just warning you.
I suppose I'll have to see you soon, won't I, know that you can Apparate to my bedside and all? Don't.
Katie
P.S. If you didn't get this from the content of the letter: I love you.
P.P.S. More than Cormac, yes. You'll need to let that go.