Marvellous Spider-man:
Man being me sucks, Peter thought as he swung through the city. My day consists of me getting up, going to work. Getting yelled at by a lunatic. Leaving work. Dressing up in a skintight uniform and chasing bad guys. Then getting yelled at by the same lunatic. He outstretched his arm and fired a strand of webbing from his wrist-mounted web-shooter. His spider-sense guided his aim perfectly, snagging on an overhanging gargoyle. And just when things start looking up for me, they get even worse! I save the city from a crazy scientist, I get named public enemy number one! I stop muggings and the police report me to the Avengers! Now I've got to deal with Captain America and Iron Man hunting me down!
He continued his inner monologue as he spotted a mugging in progress. He quickly diverted his path, swinging towards the muggers with all speed. With a single kick, he knocked two of them over like bowling pins.
"Strike!" he shouted as he preformed a mid-air flip, landing between the muggers and their intended victim.
"Aw shit, it's the spider!" one man stuttered as he reached for his pocket and pulled out a combat knife.
"Wow, fella's" Peter said mockingly, "let's not get to hasty here. We're all friends right? Well, maybe not with the guy you where painting black and blue while robbing him blind, but you get me drift?" he finished as a smile formed under his mask.
"Oh my god!" the second man shouted, as he waved his arms in the air "do you ever shut up! Daredevil doesn't talk this much! He just beats people!"
"Yeah well, DD's kinda depressing that way," Peter replied as he crossed his arms, daring the two muggers to act out violently. "But since I've had a crappy day, I'll make you a deal. Give the poor man his money back and I'll punch you each once. Try and run and I'll punch you each once where the sun don't shine."
"All three of you are under arrest," A powerful female voice called out as a shadow descended from the sky.
"Aw crap," Peter muttered as he recognized the familiar, almost iconic outfit worn by Ms Marvel, also known as Carol Danvers. The black and yellow leather pattern had inspired several new lines of clothing for younger women mere days after she showed up on the superhero radar. The complete opposite of what happened to him, he actually ended up on a few celebrity 'worst-dressed' lists. Of course, her history as a model probably doesn't hurt. And the fact that she can castrate men with a single punch to the he-haw. "All three of us? I'm just an upstanding citizen trying to abide by the laws of this great country, mam." He finished with a salute, hoping it wouldn't offend her military side in any way.
"As an unregistered vigilante alone you would warrant a questioning. Your case however, is much different, given your hand in Police Captain Stacey's death, Spider-man." Ms Marvel said as she loomed closer while remaining in the air. "So as I said, you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent and..."
"Thank god!" one of the muggers said.
"A right I will deny with every fibre of my being," Peter replied with as much whit as he could muster in the presence of a prime example of feminine beauty and strength.
"...will be used against you in a court of law." Ms Marvel finished, crossing her arms in defiance. "The same goes for you two as well."
"Fine by me," one of the muggers said as he slicked back his hair. "I guess I'll have to hold on to that body of yours pretty tightly while..." He was cut off by Peter aiming a web-bullet for his mouth.
"Watch your mouth," Peter interrupted, "we're in the presence of a lady."
"You just physically assaulted a man in front of your arresting officer?" Ms Marvel said with a hearty laugh. "You must be as crazy as they say, Spider-man."
"yeah well I..." He began before pointing over her shoulder and shouting, "oh look! The Skrulls are back!" He then proceeded to break into a dead run and leap high into the air. He swung as fast as he could, going faster than any car could on an open road. Of course, a speeding car isn't much good against someone who can fly faster than a fighter jet and shoot energy beams out of her hands. Why the hell can't I do that, it's not fair. I...
Something slammed into him hard and sent him into and through a window. Luckily the entire building was empty, or else there would have been some ticked-off owners and occupants.
"You can't outrun the law, Spider-man," Ms Marvel said in a partially threatening tone as she got to her feet, and Peter did likewise.
"I know," he replied with a slight smirk. "That's why I tried to out-swing the law. Much faster, but just not fast enough. Besides, you cheated. There's nothing fair about you flying to catch up with little young me."
"You're stalling," Ms Marvel said as she placed her hands on her hips. "It won't work. Not on me."
"Correction," Peter replied, "I'm babbling. Not stalling. There's a difference, you can look it up in a dictionary the next time you're bench-pressing half-ton weights with one hand, keeping that awesome figure of yours oh shit I just did myself in didn't I?"
"I'll never say no to a few goodhearted compliments," Ms Marvel said as she smiled. Peter's heart skipped a beat, it reminded him of Gwen's radiant smile. The one he hadn't seen in the years since her death. "But they won't get you out of jail time."
"Well here's a few more," he said as she advanced on him, forcing him to step back. "I love what you've done with your hair. I like the mask, where can I get those boots and someone just flew a stolen helicopter right past us."
"I'm not falling for..." Ms Marvel began, but was cut off by a small beeping sound coming from an earpiece. "What?" she said into the device, "understood Cap." She turned to face him again, "Two options. You stay here and wait for me. Or I hunt you down and drag you to the Avengers while in your underwear. Your choice."
"Neither!" Peter shouted before rushing through the opposite window and crashing through it. Luckily, she didn't follow him this time, and he was free to return to his small apartment in piece.