Where I Stood, a wrestling fanfic

Disclaimer: As said in all of my stories, I do not own anything associated with TNA. Nor do I own the song "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins.

Authorial Notice: If you do not like –femslash- do not read this. No flames. I only want constructive criticism if needed. Thank you. I know it probably seems rushed by the end, but I ran out of ideas so I just winged it. Sorry, guys and girls. Enjoy. OH!! And I know the song doesn't really fit, but it's the best one I could find! I wrote this a while back. I figured it was about time I posted it.

Content: Homosexuality, Language, Alcohol Use, Non-Detailed Sexual Flashbacks, Lacy von Erich bashing (sorry but I hate her.)

Rating: M

Pairing: Hints of Velvet/Angelina (Romance), Angelina Love/Sarita (Friendship)

Summary: -ONESHOT- Angelina was fighting a battle with herself – alcohol and self pity. What caused her to attack The Beautiful People that night? Even she didn't know the answer to that question… But someone else did.

Started Draft: January 15th, 2010

Finished Draft: January 21st, 2010

Final Draft On: January 22nd, 2010

Where I Stood

The bar was quiet and dark. The dark wood walls made cold air seep through even the littlest of cracks, causing the young, drunk woman to pull her sleeves down hoping and praying she'd get warm. The only noise was the sound of an acoustic guitar and a quiet, soft female voice coming through the speakers. She had never heard of the singer that was playing on the stage with patrons sitting at oval tables, listening to her intently.

However, the drunken girl was sitting at the bar, far away from the stage, from the music. She didn't know why she always chose that bar when she was in town, but it was cheap and it was right down the street from her hotel of choice. She somehow wished it were warmer outside so she could just sit out in back of the bar, away from the noise of the band. She was good, yeah, but it was not something she wanted to hear at her time of emotional and mental pain, and drunkenness.

Angelina Love took a large swig of her fifth Budweiser, feeling the high it gave her. Her head was light and eyes heavy. Her senses were in overdrive and yet she was deep in thought, just staring at the writing on her Budweiser longneck. She couldn't believe she attacked her ex-partner. She was so angry at Velvet and Madison.

What made the two think they could replace her? No one could replace her. She was so much better than that stupid blond bimbo Lacy von Erich. She told them that she'd be back as soon as her Visa issue was fixed. And yet, they replaced her with a ditzy bitch that can't even wrestle or have any personality.

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And, honey, you know me it's all or none
There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found my self listening

Angelina felt a lone, sad tear fall from her face in a slow and taunting fashion, as if saying 'you bitch. You probably just fucked up the best thing that ever happened to you!' She told herself to shut up. She did what she had to do and she knew it. She knew it. She knew it, right? Fuck, Angel. You know you screwed up, but you just had to go and fuck up the best thing in your life. She though to herself that things change and people change… but feelings don't. She knew that all too well. She knew she had feelings for Velvet. She didn't know what kind of feelings they were…

Stop lying to yourself, Angel. You know you're in love with her. You were angry. Everyone gets angry at their breaking point.

She wasn't the stuck up "I'm better than everyone" girl anymore. Maybe… I don't even know who I am anymore? Pathetic, Angel… Absolutely pathetic. God, I'm so pessimistic…

It was then when she felt someone sit down on the bar stool beside her, placing heavy glasses on the bar. She quickly wiped her eyes and took another mouthful of her beer and swallowed the bitter alcohol.

"Bartender, can we get some more Adams over here?" The bartender nodded and held up his index finger, telling her it'll be a moment. "Look, everyone in the locker room watched your return tonight, and you're not fooling anyone, Angelina Love. What are you playing us for?"

Cause I don't know who I am

Who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

She recognized that voice – it was a familiar voice she knew all too well. It was Taylor Wilde – the one of the Knockouts she and Velvet harassed over and over and over again... She looked to her right and saw Taylor and Sarita, with empty glasses of Samuel Adams in front of them. She bit her lip, wanting them to go away. She didn't want to hear it anymore. She heard it backstage from Tara and Christy Hemme already – last thing she wanted was for them to start in on her as well. She wasn't in the mood.

Angelina saw the bartender grab their glasses and refill them using the tap before handing it back to them.

"I'm not playing anyone, Taylor. I'm a drunk, pissed off girl who wants to wallow in her own pity for once in my life without being judged by other people. Look, I know I hurt you and all your friends, but please. I don't want to hear it tonight. Leave me be…" Angelina begged, trying not to get angry. "If you want to decide to be nice and chat, then we can do that. But if you're going to be a total bitch to me then just go away."

"Just reciprocating the actions and attitude you gave us way back when. Sarita, I'm gonna go enjoy the band. You gonna stay here and talk to her?" Taylor asked. Sarita nodded and Taylor nodded and stood up, walking away to watch the band play.

Sarita took Taylor's spot and sighed. "You going to bitch me out too?" Angelina asked, teeth gritted, taking a sip from her beer. She tapped the counter with her glass and the bartender came over, giving her another Budweiser.

"No. Although I didn't like what you did to everyone, I never had a beef with you. So, I'm just going to chill here in silence, drink my beer, and read the captions from the television, if you like," Sarita said, smiling at her.

"If you're not going to bitch me out then I'll talk to you, I guess…" Angelina stated, voice slightly raspy from the bitter taste of the cold beer.

See, I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

The next fifteen minutes were silent between the two Knockouts; Angelina finished her beer and was ready for another until Sarita asked how many she's had. Angelina held up a few fingers indicating how many beers she consumed. Sarita shook her head and ordered her a glass of ice water instead. "You've had too many… I don't want to have to carry you to your hotel room." Sarita stated, sympathetically.

The bartender placed a small glass of ice water on a napkin to keep the condensation from hitting the wooden bar. Angelina closed her eyes forcefully, and after a few moments, Angelina spoke. "Do you like the music?"

"Yeah, it's great. I love acoustic," Sarita answered. "Do you?"

"Yeah. That's why I'm over here…" the drunk woman slurred sarcastically. "I guess… just not in the mood for depressing songs that talk about break-ups or love or whatever."

Awkward silence surrounded the two as the song ended. When the singer was done talking about what the next song was about, she started playing again. When that happened, Angelina spoke again. "You know, I never wanted to attack Velvet."

"You seemed angry about being replaced by Lacy. Jealous maybe?" Sarita stated, causing Angelina to look at her, surprised.

Was she jealous? After all, Lacy had all of Velvet's attention… When Lacy joined the group, Velvet stopped calling Angelina. And when Angelina would call her former partner, Velvet would talk for a few minutes and have to go. Things changed – Velvet changed. And she didn't like it.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, shaking her. "Angelina?" Sarita interrupted her thoughts.

Angelina jolted and apologized. "I'm so not jealous. Why would I be jealous of Lacy? I'm so much better than her! All she does it stand there at ringside and look pretty for the fucking camera," Angelina defended in a drunken stupor. Liar…

"Why would I believe that?" Sarita countered. "You know, despite not having anything to do with you and Velvet together, I know there's something going on between you two. I'm not stupid, Angelina…" Angelina and her were silent for what seemed like eternity. She just sipped her water and watched the television's captions of whatever was on – commercials.

She looked down at her water and played with the condensation on the side of the small glass. "Listen, maybe you can still make things right with her. Why don't you give her a call? When you're sober, I mean…" Sarita smiled.

Angelina bit her lip. "Yeah… maybe."

Her mind went in overdrive, thinking of making things right with Velvet. Velvet and her did have something going on. She remembered their first kiss.

Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

FLASHBACK

It was after Angelina's last match in TNA because of her Visa issues. They were at their hotel room; Madison was taking a shower and Angelina was laying down in her bed watching the replay of Impact on Spike TV. Velvet was at the small table by the window checking her e-mail from family and friends. When she was done, she stood up and laid down in the bed next to Angelina – since the two had been friends for so long, the two always shared a bed, giving Madison the extra. It was a good deal, Velvet always told her. And it saved money – something they all needed.

"You know, I fly out tomorrow to Toronto. I won't be out long, just a few months," Angelina declared, sighing heavily, adjusting her pillow to her comfort.

"I'll miss you so much, Angel!" Velvet exclaimed sadly, bottom lip puckered out in a melancholy fashion.

Angelina laughed, "I'll miss you too Velv. You win those titles and make me proud, eh?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Angelina propped herself up on her right elbow, looking at Velvet. "I hope TNA signs you again… It sucks that your Visa issues are making you leave," the other woman said, laying on her back and watching the television.

Why does she have to look so beautiful, even without make up? Angelina sighed heavily before nodding. She wanted to come back, and she would. She knew she would. She'd do anything to get back in TNA. "I really will miss you," Angelina stated sadly.

Velvet steadied herself on her left elbow, inches away from Angelina. "You'll be fine, and so will I. We'll miss you." An uncomfortable silence surrounded the two of them.

Angelina was uncomfortable. She hated the silence. Not only that, but Velvet was just inches away from her – she was so close.

Thinking the other moved closer, Angelina placed her lips on hers.

Velvet's right hand came upon Angelina's slender neck, tickling it in a repetitive fashion. Angelina's tongue begged for entrance and she granted permission. Velvet placed her right leg over Angelina's and pushed her down on the bed, never breaking the kiss. She must have heard the shower turn off so she immediately flew off of Angelina and onto her side of the bed.

"That…"

"What?" Angelina propped herself up again and went to reach for Velvet's cheek with her left hand, but she moved away, rejecting the comfort.

"That shouldn't have happened, Angelina," she whispered, biting her top lip. "It's not right…"

"Velv," Angelina started, but the other girl interrupted.

"I like you, Angel. But not in that way… I'm sorry."

END FLASHBACK

But she kissed me back and she said it wasn't right… She kissed me BACK… Angelina thought, confused.

And I wont be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me then any one I've ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself
And so I say to you, this is what I have to do.

Angelina stood up from the bar, grabbing her purse and jacket. "Thanks, Sarita. I never thought I'd ever say that to anyone, but thank you for your company."

Sarita smiled at her and said, "you're welcome, Angelina. See you later? We should hang out sometime. I'll try to convince Taylor you're not so bad now."

Surprised, Angelina replied, "yeah, of course, sure!"

She put her jacket on and reached into her purse, pulling out a few twenties for the bartender and set them down by her glass. She then walked out of the bar, feeling the cold air that surrounded the city. She started to walk towards where she was staying. She felt like she needed a shower. She felt dirty even though she took a shower just before Impact. She sighed and wrapped her arms around her, trying to stay half warm. The alcohol didn't help much as she struggled to push herself to her hotel.

A minute or two later, she finally reached her destination – the hotel. She grabbed her room's keycard, walking towards the elevator and pushed the call button. It felt like the elevator took forever to reach her. Finally, it opened and she pushed the button to the tenth floor.

She leant, drunkenly, against the side of the elevator, closing her eyes, feeling overly tired.

The elevator finally reached the tenth floor and Angelina Love hurried to her room, wanting to take that warm, soothing shower she'd longed for minutes ago. She slid the keycard through the knob and the door unlocked. She pushed the door open and threw her jacket and purse on the bed as she undressed. She went into the bathroom by the hotel room door and turned the shower on, stepping inside, the hot water eating at her skin.

A half hour later, Angelina stepped out of the shower, putting a towel around her and her hair. Angelina pulled out her Blackberry out of her purse and looked for Velvet in her contact's. She put the phone up to her ear and heard the ringing. She hoped Velvet would answer… She heard the click of someone picking up the phone. "What do you want, Angelina? I so don't want to talk to you right now. You fucked up big time."

She was unable to speak. She inhaled heavily and swallowed before speaking. Velvet's anger pierced her heart.

"Velvet…" She whispered. Then she said louder, "I want to talk about what happened tonight…"